Keepers of their Memories

[KayC]

https://www.amazon.com/Memory-Keepers-about-reconnection-memories/dp/177512620X
 

THE KEEPERS OF MEMORIES

Posted on October 19th, 2018

You make friends because you have things in common. 
We are friends because of our children. 
The older ones, the younger ones,
the ones who never even had a chance to breathe.

They are our reason for being. 
Our heartbeat, our life’s blood. 
Whether we have lots of memories or only a few, 
we are joined by an unbreakable bond. 

We are the ones left behind, to remember 
and carry the torch for those we remember so lovingly. 
We are there for ourselves and each other. 
Because we understand the pain of loss. 

We must also be there for those 
who unfortunately join our ranks.
Because we are the parents of lost children, 
the bruised hearts, 
the keepers of memories. 

 

This was written for loss of children but could be easily applied to loss of spouse...

[DWS]

Holding all of those memories and sharing the stories of my partner and our short life together is something that I treasure now as my loving responsibility and I can do it well because of that love and commitment to him. I do this as well for all of my friends who have passed away. At age 62, I see that I have this huge history of unique and wonderful (and often wacky) characters that became friends along my path in life. They live with me even though they are no longer here. For anyone new that now happens upon my life journey, they will be meeting someone who is a combination of an innate personality mixed well with these solid influences from these persons who I hold near and dear in my heart. 

[KayC]

I love that not only I cherish these memories and will until the day I die, but my kids do too, and that says a lot for a stepdad that came into their lives as teenagers.  I love that my son has his bow in a prominent place in his house!  in memory of George.  My sister that died (Peggy) also treasured those memories with me.  I miss her too.

[Jemiga70]

On 10/24/2023 at 5:23 AM, KayC said:

This was written for loss of children but could be easily applied to loss of spouse...

I've often found comfort in the resources of Helping Parents Heal even though I'm not a parent.

[KayC]

I found this on my other site this morning...not sure how much we befriend our grief but I do understand what is meant by it...befriend...like it or not.

[DWS]

I look at befriending grief as a way of being good to ourselves. Part of this awful journey is this pressure of getting rid of our grief and trying to meet the world with a smile again. The people around us certainly are hoping for it. They're all "yay...you're back" whenever we poke our heads out a bit and try to step forward. Befriending grief is likely our warm acceptance of it and telling ourselves that rather than be done with it and leave it behind, we'll just carry it with us. I know I can't see it any other way. 

[Boggled]

The other day, online, I looked up an old boss from an experience I had as a cook in a Mexican restaurant long long ago ... and found his obituary.   According to the obit, he'd married someone I'd never heard of and had 10 kids.  It kind of made me smile, ten kids!  ... and I thought of his mom who taught me how to make flour tortillas and refried beans, that she was a sweetie ... and yet they're all gone now.   

So many people known in the past, now ... gone. 

From that "cook in a Mexican restaurant" experience, the memories.  The heat of the kitchen, the influx of customers at 2:00 a.m., Maria who couldn't speak English very well, squishing avocados to make guacamole, smashing a lettuce to remove the core and then chopping the whole lettuce;  the rolling out of tortillas in a contest who could make them most round, all those memories ... are in ME.  

I guess this is what being old is.  Old-er, that is!    

It's not just our partners we carry.  But we're keepers of memories ... we are repositories of "the way it used to be."  

[KayC]

Yep, I've been in my church for 23 years, over 18 since George died...only two people left that knew him, the rest died or moved, most of them passed.  Something sad about that.

[foreverhis]

Thanks for posting this, Kay. I think you’re exactly right that it can apply to spouses too. We are the keepers of their memories. I believe it’s my responsibility and my honor to bring John along with me for the rest of my life and to make sure he is not forgotten. He may not have been one to “save the world,” but his life mattered. He made the world and my world a better place. It’s not really hyperbole to say that he made the struggles of life worth it all.