My Mother and Father

[Kash]

I lost my father after over 10 long years of Dementia a couple of years ago. And just recently lost my mother. I have been finding it difficult to cope, or accept any help. The relationship with my father was not great, when I was around 10 he would lose money on gambling and get drunk. When he came home, he would take it out on my mother. I started to provoke him intentionally to protect her, he would sometimes beat me unconscious. I learned to shut off emotionally since then. I think this is part of the reason I've always been alone, he apologized in a strange moment of clarity in his last year alive. I did everything for him, bathing, grooming, dressing, preparing food.

Now my mom passed. Now both my parents have passed my life feels so empty, I was living for them my whole life. It feels really numb, 

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss of your mother, also for your alcoholic father's abuse.  My dad was alcoholic but very sweet, my mom, however had severe mental issues, every social disorder known to man except one, and died of dementia, as most of my family (aunts, uncles, sister) has.

Read this only substitute father for mother:
Abusive Mother

It's likely your mom's death is triggering these memories...

Make this one about your mom...
Parent Loss: Continuing Their Song

You are very sweet to have taken care of your dad, I was in my mom's life until the end, several of my siblings were not.  It's good to forgive.
Sarah Montana: Why forgiveness is worth it | TED Talk