Feeling guilt about struggling to reach out to grieving family

[ThereIsAField]

I'm in my late 40s and in my late teens and early 20s I was close to a family who lived nearby that I loved a lot. If I could've picked, I'd have wished to be adopted by this family, cos they're just the loveliest people in the world.

Over the years, for various reasons, contact has dwindled and they feel like a relic from my childhood, which feels like it happened about a million years ago.

Recently, I heard via facebook that the then grandmother (now great grandmother) passed away aged almost 90 and I know that I should reach out and send my heartfelt condolences.

I feel so conflicted tho, about getting back in closer touch... It feels like that contact belonged to another time and space and I have no idea how to get that balance right and what to say/ what not to say.

I feel like things would've just kept going as they were (kind memories from a distance) except now the grandmother's passing away forces the issue of getting back in touch.

I feel bad, because having dealt with loss and grief so much myself, in theory I'm one of the expert at it now and am meant to know how to deal with it, but in a case like this, I feel as lost as any novice in terms of finding the right words/ the right balance.

[LMR]

I think we have talked this through before and the overwhelming response was that it's never too late and all heartfelt condolences are appreciated.

Even today after three years I would be really happy if I got a message from someone in our past. Time runs away with us, we have all lost contact with people along the path. Just write a note and tell them.

[KayC]

I feel the same, LMR, it's never too late, just share from your heart that she was a lovely person, what their family meant to you and how sorry you are for their loss.  

[DWS]

I agree wholeheartedly with LMR and KayC on this. I know that, for me, there was nothing more touching and heartwarming than having someone who I hadn't been in contact with for a long time reach out with condolences. It brought a lot of honour, meaning, and much needed comfort knowing that someone cared that richly about what has been lost.