High odds that I'll be losing my mom today.

[EddyV]

They just wheeled her into the operating room 10 minutes ago and so many thoughts are racing through my mind. I'm trying to stay hopeful but given all her medical conditions and history with heart issues, Im trying to prepare myself for the worst scenario. At times I feel calm and at others I start to miss her, even tho she's still with us in the operating room. I'm not even sure which emotion is the correct one to feel right now. In case the worst happens, I'm hoping someone can share some tips on how to handle the first day of loss. I'm not even sure what I'm allowed to do, as silly as that sounds. Am I allowed to distract myself with something I enjoy or am I supposed to face all the emotions right away? I have a sister and dad that I want to be strong for so I'm not sure how much emotion I should show. I can tell I'm going to struggle from the feeling of guilt for not being there for her sooner but I understand that is a natural emotion a lot of people feel. Even as I type this, I'm not sure what to day. Any tips or words of advice would mean the world to me right now. Thank you. 

[JDS]

You should do whatever feels right. After 3 months of caring for my mom, the last days were sad but peaceful. The next day I went to work.  I knew I had done the best I could do and wanted life to feel somewhat normal.  The grief will come whenever it comes and it will come often, but any feelings you have are just proof of your love.  I hope you and your family understand that all the emotions are valid—even the need to do something fun.  Take care of yourself.  You will then be better able to take care of them.  But let them take care of you too.  I’m sure they’re having similar feelings.