How to fill your spare time....

[widower2]

One thing that's always been hard for me about this loss is finding ways to "kill time." I still work, so that's there on weekdays, but the evenings and weekends are another story, esp as our so-called "friends" disappeared afterwards.

Gardening/yardwork were a distraction early on and continue to help; it gets me outside and just doing something where my focus is elsewhere. I guess I'm kind of a "nature boy" so that helps   Hobbies can also be helpful; for ex. I got into composing music...something I tinkered with in bits and pieces before but never put a real push behind before. Of course now I had not just the time but a whole new area of material to work with, i.e., songs about her, about loss, about regret, all that #$#@ stuff (they say "you have to suffer to write" well brother move over, I have it covered!).

Meetup.com has helped me too. It gave me a way to have some social outlets available if I wanted (although for about the first 6-8 months, I didn't).

And of course there's always TV/movies and the internet and places like this. 

[Rey Dominguez Jr]

I have now found myself with the time to continue my hobby in the garage, working on a station wagon I got as a project car after I wrecked Veronica’s Dodge Durango about 2001.  We weren’t injured but the Durango was a loss.  I have finished most of the major tasks with the wagon, such as engine and transmission, font suspension upgrades.  But the thing Veronica wanted most in the car is a functioning A/C system.  Have all the stuff to do it, didn’t have time before.  Otherwise I clean the house and do laundry, although the laundry load has since gotten lighter as I don’t wash Veronica’s stuff anymore.  😪  I mentioned elsewhere I started volunteer driving for the Red Cross, delivering blood products.  Not glamorous but it gets me out of the house and interacting, even minimally, with people.  Once or twice a week still leaves me time to do hobby stuff.  Take a walk around the neighborhood to get out in the air and look around.  

Veronica and I would watch “General Hospital” together (I can hear your eye-rolls 😊 from here).  I find myself still keeping up with the soap.  That’s also when I do resistance exercise with weights.    Lots of streaming options on TV.  

[KayC]

It helps to have a schedule.  I go to my Diabetic Group and here throughout the day, walk Kodie in the morning, eat breakfast around noon, then take Kodie to play with Jazzy in the afternoon, fix dinner at 4 pm, relax afterwards, go to bed at 7.  

All that is upended this month as I get Jazzy out of her kennel in the middle of the time Iris goes for radiation.  Because it's so far away, she's gone for hours and it changes all the time but mostly early mornings for now.  Will work around it through Oct. 6.   
I have Ladies Retreat 9/27-9/30 so she'll hire neighbor kids to do it.

Smoke was horrid yesterday, never found out cause, suspect backburning but no one admitting to it, it was all the way to the valley but worse here.  News said they canceled it, maybe someone forgot to tell them?

[docdaisy514]

This is the biggest issue I have at the moment.  My partner of 18 years passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.  I've been left completely alone, lost and afraid.  I have no idea how to fill my time, so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. 

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss.  Getting out and meeting others will take up some of your time, I think @widower2 could tell you about meet up.  I live in the country and don't have that.

Welcome here, it helps to come and read and post.  This is like a family of sorts, from all over  the world, we care about one another.  I hope you'll continue to come here.

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs)))  Praying for you today.

 

ut and being around people, gardening, cooking, walks in nature, anything that takes up time and gets you around others.  Some are joining meet up, I think @widower2 could tell you more about it.