My mom died yesterday

[Jonathan.]

It happened in the early hours at hospital as she had a heart attack. I feel so many emotions, i regret not forcing her to go to the hospital sooner, i miss seeing her everyday. I feel so sad and depleted at the same time, i just want to speak to her again. I can't eat much at all and don't know what to do with myself. I can't do anything i normally enjoy as it makes me sad to try and enjoy anything after she has just died. This is horrible.

[Kevin8988]

My sincere condolence.  I felt the same when my mom passed away last year.  Now I still cry and feel a sense of deep sadness often.  I am almost a different person since my mom passed, I talk less and rarely laugh.  Perhaps I will just live this way for the rest of my life and I am ok with it.  I hope you will get better.

[Traz]

Hello Jonathan and Kevin8988,

I feel for you both on the loss of your moms and my heart goes out to you. 

Jonathan, you are in the acute stages of grief and all the emotions you are feeling are perfectly understandable. You just lost your mom and that is a huge thing to process. Feelings of guilt after losing someone is quite common on this forum as well, so you're not alone. We've all been there - wondering if we could have done more, been there more, spoke up sooner etc.  I hope you can relieve yourself from that burden, because second guessing ourselves just adds more stress on top of everything else. 

My mom died a few months before Covid  and when lockdown hit, I found journaling a useful tool for handling the overwhelming, deep sorrow. I also listened to some podcasts on grief and I found watching near-death experience stories very comforting. (I watched Anthony Chene's Channel on YouTube)  I'm not particularly religious and it really opened my world view. 

Those are just a few things I did the first year. And the first year is very difficult. Kevin8988, I totally understand when you say you feel like a different person now. I think the death of a loved parent does change us. They brought us into this world and now they are gone; our anchor destabilized. I certainly think about death a lot more now and the fragility of life. 

You're still pretty early on in your grief journey as well. The fourth anniversary of my mom's death was a few weeks ago. There are days when it's still really hard. Today was one of those days. So I thought I would come on here and try to help someone. I find helping others, helps me as well.  Don't know if anything I say helps, lol, but at the very least please know you are both not alone. 

I hope you find comfort here. 

Traz 

[Sarahismymom]

My mom should’ve quit smoking years ago. I should’ve gotten her to the hospital earlier. She refused. The doctor said 3 months would’ve made a difference.  Bottom line, regret is something that can’t be avoided.   It’s now been two years.    I function ok. I go to work.  I don’t enjoy much though. Everything brings me back to my mom. I shared everything with her so everything makes me think of her. I used to be a clown. Joked a lot. Meant something to make mom laugh. Now, I don’t joke much.   I have to work on strengthening my voice because I don’t talk anymore.   
 

The worst thing is I wake up as if I’ve been grieving while asleep.  I wake up so overwhelmed at times.    I have to go on. Mom would be ticked off if I didn’t!   It’s so hard. Nothing prepares you for this. 
 

my condolences. I’m so very sorry.