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Just curious about something


peacefulnow

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Warm wishes to everyone.  This is sort of random, but I'm just curious about something.  Most of you are probably familiar with this poem:

If tears could build a stairway,

And memories were a lane,

I would walk right up to Heaven

To bring you home again.

There is more to the poem, but it's these first few lines that intrigue me.  It's a very nice poem, and offers some lovely sentiments, but I can't agree with these first few lines.

My son, Ian, died 25 months ago, and to say that I miss him would be a huge understatement.  The loss of a child is absolutely excruciating and devastating, as all of us know only too well.  But, I would not "bring him home again" as the poem suggests.  I have to believe that he is in a much better place than any of us here on earth.  He is one of the chosen ones, the lucky ones.  His mission on earth was completed and now he is being rewarded for a job well done.  To take that away from him would just be so selfish on my part.  I look forward to the day when I can be with him again...in his realm.

The first time I came across these lines of the poem was at the cemetery.  I was visiting my son's grave, and wandered through the graveyard as I usually do...reading headstones, admiring all the treasures that were left for loved ones who are no longer here. (One gravesite had an unopened can of Mountain Dew and an unopened pack of cigarettes.  That made me smile.)  When I saw another gravesite with the "If tears could build a stairway..." plaque, I just found myself shaking my head no.  Then I thought  "why am I saying no"  the sentiment sounded so wonderful, and yet there I was saying no, no, no. 

Anyone else have a different perspective on the poem?  Would you bring your child back if you could?  I hope I don't sound disrespectful by asking this.  I think maybe the first instinct would be to answer "oh my God, yes" because they are so deeply missed.  I can certainly understand that.

Peace to all.   Cindy  (Ian  10/12/76 -- 1/6/06)

 

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Hi, Cindy.  I think that's a very good question.  It shows you really think about things.  I think most of us would agree that when we're thinking with our heads and not with our emotions, we would not bring them back.  But most of the time we're just missing them and wish they were still here with us.  I think this poem came out of such a time, would be my guess.  I've seen the poem before and that's always been my thought when I see it.  I haven't lost a child, but have lost my husband.  When I'm really missing him, I wish I could have him back.  When I'm thinking rationally, I realize he's so much better off in Heaven with God than here in this troubled world.  Others may have other thoughts about it, though.  You know, the thought I have is that if it's a plaque on a grave, it was probably placed there when the headstone was placed and the parents were really deep in their grief at the time and that was just how they were expressing their grief.  Good question.  ~Oneta

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I think much of our grief is self centered and are emotions want our children back with us.  Even to have a dream that our children come back alive bring such happiness in the dream until we awake and know we can't see them until eternity. 

No I wouldn't really want to pull him away from happiness for his sake,   but for my sake???   I wish with all my selfish heart I could have him back.  Thank goodness God doesn't let us make that choice.  So I don't have even really contemplate it.  Depending on how I am doing on anyone day I might actually contemplate it...at least for a little while.  :) 

Really I would not want to rip him away from happiness.  But I would love to talk to him and hear him say he wanted to stay in Heaven. 

Sal

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I actually wonder if some might say that ALL of grief is self-centered.  We wouldn't actually pull them away from perfect bliss.  Yet, we miss them so terribly that in the midst of our pain and wanting to have maybe even just a moment with them from time to time, we probably would say, if we were honest, that we would DEFINITELY want them back.  When I'm crying and wanting to see my husband or wanting to be with him, isn't that about what I'm feeling?  Am I saying it's wrong to be self-centered in that grief?  No, I don't think so.  Our feelings are natural and justified.  Anyway, just some more thoughts...  ~Oneta

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mylukasmyheart

Cindy,

I wish I could be to the point you are at.  It has been 24 days since my Lukas was hit by a car on his bike.  I would bring him home in a heartbeat.  I know he is in heaven now but I still feel I need him more than God does.  I'm still at a point where someone telling me my boy is in a better place still hurts.  He was not sick, sad or abused.  He was so loved every second of his 15 years, 8 months and 22 days! There was nothing wrong with the place he was in.  He was in our arms everyday. In the doorway wanting to know "Whats for dinner Mama?".  In his brothers face telling him it was his turn on the computer.  He was right here in our home, in our lives.  I want him back here with me and his brothers and sister and grandma and grandpa.  I want him back so bad that I would do anything to hold him again. Anything! I know in my heart that there is reason and that I can't know that reason until I see my baby again in heaven but right now the rest of my like is just too long to wait to see his beautiful face again.  I'm sure that sounds selfish and I'm so sorry but I wonder every day when I wake up how I am going to make it through one more day without him.  I see and feel the sadness in my other children and I wonder if they will ever feel as happy and loving as they once were.  Our lives have been forever changed.  We will never be the same.  I would definitely bring him home if there were some miracle out there that made this possible.  And I think that God would understand this.  God has only had Lukas for 24 days now and he has got to know how special and loving Lukas is too.  That is how I know that God feels my terrible pain.  He knows that we are devastated and sometimes angry.  But I know God understands and I know he can handle my anger. -Michelle, Lukas's mom

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[align=center] If tears could build a stairway,

And memories were a lane,

I would walk right up to Heaven

To bring you home again.[/align]

[align=left]Cindy, I have read this many times, on graves, in notices and I have been torn between wanting this or to just let Mike be at peace.  [/align]

[align=left]It comes with the unknown.  [/align]

[align=left]For me, I want Micheal to be here, to have the life he wanted desperately.  While here he suffered debilitating pain from a body that was degenerating with no option to heal.  He sucumbed to depression from being in so much pain, physically and emotionally. To ask him to come home, might mean a return to the agony of life as he knew it just so I can have him.[/align]

[align=left]To know in my heart he is now pain free, at peace and with those who went before in many ways gives me great comfort.  I was able to sit with him after he died.  He was so peaceful, his face relaxed, no more grimacing from pain, no more tears from despair.[/align]

[align=left]As hard as it is to let him go, it was even harder at times to see him suffer without being able to heal him.[/align]

[align=left]Thoughts of you and your son........blessed be - Trudi[/align]

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4everjoeysmom

Cindy, after reading your poem excerpt and so many repsonses I immediately thought, I wish I could be a bus driver to Heaven right now, and that all of my loved ones here, friends and family who want to live eternity in Heaven with our loving God could climb aboard, and we all could go right now, home to be with Joey.  If it could be, THAT would be my wish--not to bring Joey back here, but to join him, along with my beloveds here who also want to go...  Of course, catching the bus would eliminate having to die painful death.  We would just show up at Heaven's gate.  A nice fantasy...

I studied very in depth once the shortest passage in Scripture, Jesus Wept.  Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus before he raised him up from the dead.  I know Jesus loved Lazarus, and as his friend here on earth he missed him and felt sorrow over Lazarus' death.  But I often imagined during my study that jesus must have wept because he knew the world better than the world knows itself.  And he knew he could raise up lazarus and would do so.  But in as much, that meant bringing Lazarus back into this fallen world, back into pain and suffering, back into an earthly life to die yet another earthly death.  How much that must have pained Jesus knowing all of that....  The poem excerpt also made me think of this scenario, because as Jesus wept possibly for the rerun of what this world (bad as well as good) would offer Lazarus, I believe my heart would also weep for Joey if he had to come back to die all over again.  Where he is now, he gets to live forever, free, joy filled, perfect, no more tears, in the presence of God.  More than anything, I long to be there too.  I look forward to that day when jesus says it's my turn to go home...

Michelle, my heart and prayers are with you.  It's so early in your journey...  be gentle on yourself.  We all have felt as you do today.  I believe in the HOPE that will bring us joy again.  The complete healing may not be in this lifetime.  But there will be complete healing one day.  I do have more days of joy now, after 18 months.  I didn;t think that would ever ne possible when I was at 24 days.  I still have many days of tears too.  But there are days of joy.  That is a miracle!!

Bless you all...  -Claudia (Joey's Mom)

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I have that poem out at my Jayme's grave. I would in a heart beat go and get her. But for some reason that I to do not know she is not here and in heaven. She was taken far to soon. Like many of you I have read the book 90 minutes in Heaven.I was very worried and scarred for my little girl when I read it. He says that everyone who had infulences his life and died before him met him at the gate. Well my Jayme only had one elderly neighbor that she knew die before her. So is she alone with oneone up there to meet her and be there for her. This site has given me some comfort in knowing she has wonderful children to be with up there, I still feel she needs her mom. So yes I would go and get her. And many days I wait for the tears I have cried to build the stairway for me. Carrie

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I have not yet posted my story.  I lost my 8-year old daughter 2 months ago.  She was seriously injured in a tragic accident 5 days before Christmas.  She was revived and rushed to Children's Hospital after nearly a 5 hour delay (due to weather conditions).  She struggled for 25 days before dying.

My Dad bought me a plaque with this saying.  I also read 90 Minutes in Heaven.  Jaiden did not know many people that have died either.  HOWEVER, I believe that any people we as her parents and grandparents know would actually be a part of the welcoming crowd.

My grammie died 4 years ago and she LOVED Jaiden.  SO I know she is with her.  But my other 3 grandparents who died long before Jaiden was born are also there.  Just 3 days before jaiden passed there was a horrific accident in the state next to us.  A twin sister murdered her twin's 2 young children.  This Mom wrote to me to tell me that she knew her children were waiting at the gates to greet jaiden.

SO even though our babies might not personally have known many people who have died, they are still surrounded by many loved ones.  The connections that we make on earth transcend us.  Jaiden is with anyone who has touched me or her Dad, or my parents, etc on earth.  I also have suffered 3 miscarriages, so I believe that Jaiden is also with her siblings.  She left behind 2 sisters and a brother.  I get s little comfort knowing she has 3 siblings that she gets to meet even before me.

I would IN A HEARTBEAT climb that stairway and kidnap her back if I could.  I also agree that it would bring tremendous comfort to just be able to look through a glass pane to see her and insure she is happy.  I guess this is where faith comes in.  We HAVE to believe that the afterlife is real and that our children where chosen to be with God by his side, or we will go insane.

I will post one day soon about my daughter and our tragic ordeal.  It is all still so fresh and I carry so much guilt I am just not ready yet.

~Holleigh

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