Death of my son

[Jasmyn]

My son (Elijah) unexpectedly passed away at 17 months on August 21, 2023 and there was no signs of how he passed away. He took a nap and 5 minutes later he stopped breathing, he went to the hospital to get treated but exactly 12 hours after he originally stopped breathing he died in my arms because he was declared brain dead (he had no brain activity and his heart was giving out). His doctor and the medical examiner that did his autopsy believe he passed away from SUDC (Sudden Unexplained Childhood Death), because there was no physical signs of trauma or medical illnesses like cancer . His brain sample is going to a University to be used for medical science and to see if it can help with finding a cure and cause for SUDC.

I just need support or help as a grieving mother that has lost her purpose in life...being Elijah's mother was my whole existence.

[marks]

Hi- I am south of you in Phoenix.  My son was older but he died suddenly and without warning in December.  I know its been over a month- so its still incredibly fresh and raw.  It wont go away---(the pain) but it will get better.  Please don't blame yourself or wonder what you could have done differently.  You sound like a very loving and caring mom- and that is the great thing---you have no guilt--knowing you did what a mom of a toddler should do.  I remember when my son was about 1 year.  He had this huge golf ball/tennis ball sized umbilical hernia.  They did surgery and when they took him from our arms and put him in a metal crib---and let mom go in the OR to be with him as they started general anesthesia---she cried and couldn't handle it.  I went in with her and him and I almost couldn't handle it.  He was under anesthesia and they told us to wait outside in the waiting area.  Everything was fine but that was my experience with having him taken at a young age.  That was painful.   Then when I got the phone call from my daughter who is an MD and she was hysterical that is when the real pain came. I kept asking what could I have done differently?  NOTHING.  Same with you.  You did NOTHING WRONG----sometimes things happen and while we don't understand the answers or reasons they still cause us untold pain and guilt.  I hope and pray that you find comfort and his death is helpful to other parents and to medical science to prevent this from happening again to someone else.  Do you have family support?  His dad or other family members?  Please know that there are a lot of people on here who ccare---who are loving and understand completley what you are going through.  The circumstances might be different, but losing a child is losing a child---it hurts.  I get it and so do they.  We are not just doling out words that we think sound good--we are telling you that we have all had our hearts ripped out and we all understand.  Please keep in touhc--you can PM if you wnat.