Still in shock

[Nancy2]

It has been a little over 4 months since I lost my husband, and I am still in shock.  Since he died, I have traveled to Europe twice and am going again soon.  I go out to eat almost once every day either by myself with my book or with a friend.  I am retired, so I don't have to work.  But I am still sad and now most of the time I feel more sad than I do angry or guilty.  Sad for me, sad for my husband, and sad for my child.  And I am not legally married anymore, which is really weird because I didn't ask for this.  I didn't get a divorce.  On my last trip, I met a guy on the tour who lost his wife the same month I lost my husband.  He said the same thing I said, "What the F__K!"  So weird.  They're strong and healthy and beautiful one minute, get a few symptoms, and then BAM! They're gone.  Absolutely gone.  I am still in our house, but I can't take care of it the way he did.   He loved this house more than I do, but he is not in it.  I am.  It's all so weird.  Nothing makes any sense, so I just try to have a good time, as best as I can, while I am still able.  I miss him so much.  Him as a person.  He was my support.  He explained things to me.  I feel empty and broken, but I go on and do things, and sometimes I feel OK.

[shawnt]

I don't think that missing them ever stops. Some days I don't know who I am without her. But like you I carry on and hope I can find some peace and happiness. 

[KayC]

Nancy, it sounds like you're doing what you can and I applaud you for that, I know the effort it takes...I haven't traveled without George, but I had to work and now I am nearly 71 with injuries that have left permanent damage and loss of strength.  It's enough to just keep this place up and keep going. 

You are so right, the missing them never stops.

[RichS]

Nancy:  We on this board are very sorry for your loss. We have also experienced similar feelings to the ones you described. In addition, we’ve all been doing our best in coping with the “ new normal” in our lives. What has helped us all is this board and the members who are here to listen, sympathize and support each other each and every day. We hope that you’ll continue to post here. WELCOME!!