Loss of long-time mentor and friend

[PugetSoundMan]

A few days ago, I learned that a long time mentor and good friend passed away from cancer at age 86.  I have known him since 1971, he was the chairman of my dissertation committee in sociology.  We kept contact, have met periodically (even though live in different states since mid 1970's) and filled each other in regarding major life events good and bad.  We remained friends even after I changed careers, in 1981, from sociology to the healthcare field.  He has been a steady presence, always encouraging me, always good knowing he was there... somehow I assumed, irrationally, the he would always be there.   About two years ago, he shared he was in treatment for cancer...we exchanged emails a few times addressing this.  Then I entered a very difficult period of my life as my marriage seemed to her falling apart, I became very depressed with thoughts of ending my  life, got into therapy eventually, am, better now.  However, during this dark period of my life, I somehow didn't feel up to keeping contact with thy good friend and mentor, and the longerI didn't contact him,  the harder it became to do so, due I guess to fear of  how he might reach to me waiting so long to contact him.  Finally, on July 25th of this year I got myself to email  him, asking how he is doing, apologizing for not keeping contact....the next day, prompted by a phone message from his son, I called his wife and she informed me he had passed away on July 24th, the day before I sent the email.   I feel so bad that, at a time when he could have used my support, he didn't get it....I am only comforted by knowing he had the love of his wife and children,  who were with him when he passed.   I keep thinking about how I could have broken through my depression and kept the email contacts going and how much it would have meant him (he expressed in one of our last emails how much it meant to him).   I am trying to find a way to come to see peace around this and forgive myself.