The best day in my life

[I miss you so much]

The day of today, thirteen years ago, it was a sunny and splendid day, in another place, in another time.

I had spent that afternoon and that evening on the beach, and I had finally watched the sunset from a pine grove nearby, as I used to do. 

The sun disappearing behind the ocean. My heart, all my being,  full of life, full of joy.

From the corner of my eye I had perceived a figure not far from me, between the trees, enjoying as well that magic moment.

Then, I had started to pick my things up, folding the beach towel and putting it inside my bag. Afterwards, I had started to walk and leave, when you, my love, appeared between the trees and approached me, asking with your sweet and charming accent :  "Were you doing "yoga"? ".

And  I had recognized you as the one I had seen two days before in that same place, sitting against a tree and reading while I was with a friend of mine. That first day I had observed you from the distance, feeling something very strong that pushed me to go and talk to you, but without daring do it.

So when you came and talked to me, that evening, exactly 13 years ago, I felt I was in a fairytale.

I have no words to describe that moment, just my heart was exploding with happiness and recognition.

I'd always thought that we were meant to be, that we would come over every difficulty and we would finally end our lives in our little dreamt paradise.

Instead, we  had misery and pain, and a nightmarish ending.

If I could be granted the possibility of choosing a moment in my life and stay in it forever, it would be that sunset we shared and the instant in which you came to me.

It was that split second which gave meaning to my whole existence.

I love you, much more than before.

[shawnt]

Beautiful

[goldberry]

Today is my wedding anniversary.   These days that mark the meeting, joining and special celebrations with our loves are beautiful, difficult, sad and happy days.  I try and remind myself that I am lucky to have had a soul meeting with someone in this big, lonely world.  I am grateful that I knew this love and that it is now part of the function and structure of my brain and heart.   I was one of the lucky ones who also got to witness my husband dying peacefully, embracing the next step in his journey and that this is a gift beyond measure in helping me to cope with my fears of mortality and death.  It is a tight rope to walk the balance between allowing the darkness and remembering to look for the light for me.  I want to be in this world in a way that he would want but I recognize that if he'd been the one that was left he wouldn't be doing so great either so it's okay to let myself fall apart.   We were believers in love/god/goddess being synonymous.  It's not easy to live in that when your heart is shattered and it feels on some days that there is no reason to live.  But love still exists in our hearts and in the things that make us smile.  I am glad that this day still makes you smile, Shawn.  We wouldn't be in this deep grief if we didn't also have deep love. 

 

[KayC]

15 hours ago, goldberry said:

if he'd been the one that was left he wouldn't be doing so great either so it's okay to let myself fall apart. 

Yes.  Anv. are hard, never did figure out the best way to do it or what to say to someone else going through it (Happy Anniversary doesn't seem to cut it), but know we were thinking of you and however you do it is best for you at the time..

[shawnt]

This thread is making me try and remember my best day, I can't choose but it has helped me count my blessings because I had so many wonderful days and who knows there might be a few more.

[foreverhis]

There are so many wonderful days that I can't fully choose a best one.  But the day I first saw John's face and the day of our first date rank right up there.  I suppose in part it's because they are pivotal moments in my life.

I am a musician by avocation and spent a good deal of my life involved in music and the theater.  One time I was a secondary lead in a Gilbert & Sullivan production.  It was dress rehearsal week (known in the trade as "hell week" for good reason).  We were in a technical rehearsal, which is stop and start for hours as lights are adjusted, set pieces are spiked (stage marked for placement), and actors' blocking is finalized.  In other words, boring as heck. 

So I'm standing downstage (closest to the orchestra) with my stage partner (a very good male friend) waiting for lighting cues before the next musical number.  Suddenly, we heard the most wonderful laugh from the orchestra pit.  I looked over and down, discovering that we had two new trombone players.  One was very classically handsome, leading man in the movies level.  He turned out to be a terrific man who I found out worked at the same company as my "day job" (aka, the career that paid the bills).  Years later we ended up assigned to different areas of the same program for a while.  But I digress, a little...

It was other one who caught my eye.  He was certainly handsome/cute and all, but that wasn't what melted my heart at first sight.  It was the sound of his laugh (someone had told a joke that thoroughly tickled him), the way his smile lit up his whole face, and the way his blue eyes were crinkled up.  I looked over at my partner and asked, "Who is that?"  My friend looked down and back, looked at my face, and answered, "I don't know, but I think you need to find out."  John had just moved back to the Bay Area for work after several years in Oregon.  Ultimately, we were in the same music/theater/arts circles, so we had friends in common.  Over time, we became friends. 

Then one day everything fell into place.  He asked me out for a day in the city before an evening performance (he was musical director and conductor; I was doing tech for that show).  We spent the day together hiking and exploring, then went to our performance.  Afterwards, we went back to his place where I had left my car.  We sat and talked and talked (and well, yes some hugging and kissing, but nothing more) until the wee hours.  I had intended to crash at my parents' place 10 minutes from John's apartment because we had a matinee the next day and my apartment was nearly an hour's drive.  But by the time we looked at the clock it was nearly 2 am, when the bars close.  John said he really didn't want me driving that late and asked if I'd stay, but not to sleep together.  And that's what I did.  He was a gentleman, so though it was clear we were highly attracted to each other, he didn't make a single move that direction.  The next morning, it felt so right, so comfortable for both of us that we never looked back.  We just knew.

Those are the kind of memories I keep close to my heart and in my mind to combat the painful, unbearable ones.

[shawnt]

You made me cry, but in good way.

There is a theory in quantum physics that states that all moments of time are eternal and are always going on and I really hope that's true.

[KayC]

Mine was the day we got married.  We'd both been so afraid something would jinx it! I remember George had a look that said, "I gotcha now!"  Our kids were there.  It was right up there with the day my kids were born, those three days stand out to me as the best days of my life.

[Roxeanne]

The best day in my life was when we met...31 may 2000! Little i knew at the time that it was the day that changed for the best my life...but in the evening of that day i already knew it!

I immediately trust him and felt that i was finally at home...never felt that emotion again!

He was so sweet so tender, before that night i was in love!

I can't help but miss him so much...sometimes i am so overwhelmed by the need of him...!

It's really hard maintain the control of yourself, all i want is see him again....

Impossible but...how can you explain it to your longing heart ?

 

[KayC]

Roxeanne, I'm sorry, it's so hard to live with, isn't it.

[Roxeanne]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

Roxeanne, I'm sorry, it's so hard to live with, isn't it.

Thanks Kay!

Once i read this:

"Una sola persona ti manca e il mondo e' un deserto"

You miss only one persone and the world is a desert

I believe is real...i have family and friends and i'm living a not bad life...i'm grateful for that! 

But i'm still wandering in a desert  without Giorgio...

[KayC]

I love that your husband's name was Giorgio and mine was George.

[Roxeanne]

I love that too!!!💕

[Sparky1]

4 hours ago, Roxeanne said:

"Una sola persona ti manca e il mondo e' un deserto"

This is a great saying and in my life it's so true too. That person was our world, our everything, and now that they're not here with us makes us feel like we're on a desert island all alone with no one around. Thanks Roxeanne. 

[I miss you so much]

On 8/3/2023 at 1:18 PM, Roxeanne said:

The best day in my life was when we met...31 may 2000! Little i knew at the time that it was the day that changed for the best my life...but in the evening of that day i already knew it!

I immediately trust him and felt that i was finally at home...never felt that emotion again!

He was so sweet so tender, before that night i was in love!

I can't help but miss him so much...sometimes i am so overwhelmed by the need of him...!

It's really hard maintain the control of yourself, all i want is see him again....

Impossible but...how can you explain it to your longing heart ?

 

Totally what I felt...and feel

[shawnt]

I remember a day at the beach, the kids were little and nothing special happened. We just had fun and loved being who we were. We watched the sunset over the bay and drove the sleeping babies home, and made love like we were demented weasels, and slept the sleep of the innocent. I can still smell the beach on her skin and it shouldn't but it makes me cry. I miss her so

 

[KayC]

I know.  

[widower2]

oy. After all this time I'm so much more stable than I was back when, but threads like this can hit home.

We met at a singles party of all things ("Fat Tuesday"/Mardi Gras party) - I remember when she walked in the room and I saw her and went "wow what a hottie"  She didn't look my way though. I guess she was used to such looks and a little defensive; understandable. I thought oh great, another one of these cute girls who's so full of themselves and super defensive, to heck with that. Turns out I couldn't have been more wrong and she was as nice and sweet as she'd been I'm sure her whole life. Someone ended up scarfing the beer I brought so she shared her wine with me and we hit it off and rather out of character for me, for once I got up the nerve to ask for a phone number and date. The poor girl was foolish enough to oblige   

[I miss you so much]

On 8/13/2023 at 6:12 AM, widower2 said:

oy. After all this time I'm so much more stable than I was back when, but threads like this can hit home.

We met at a singles party of all things ("Fat Tuesday"/Mardi Gras party) - I remember when she walked in the room and I saw her and went "wow what a hottie"  She didn't look my way though. I guess she was used to such looks and a little defensive; understandable. I thought oh great, another one of these cute girls who's so full of themselves and super defensive, to heck with that. Turns out I couldn't have been more wrong and she was as nice and sweet as she'd been I'm sure her whole life. Someone ended up scarfing the beer I brought so she shared her wine with me and we hit it off and rather out of character for me, for once I got up the nerve to ask for a phone number and date. The poor girl was foolish enough to oblige   

Thanks for sharing.

These memories are very touching.

[Griefsucks810]

On 7/30/2023 at 3:08 PM, goldberry said:

Today is my wedding anniversary.   These days that mark the meeting, joining and special celebrations with our loves are beautiful, difficult, sad and happy days.  I try and remind myself that I am lucky to have had a soul meeting with someone in this big, lonely world.  I am grateful that I knew this love and that it is now part of the function and structure of my brain and heart.   I was one of the lucky ones who also got to witness my husband dying peacefully, embracing the next step in his journey and that this is a gift beyond measure in helping me to cope with my fears of mortality and death.  It is a tight rope to walk the balance between allowing the darkness and remembering to look for the light for me.  I want to be in this world in a way that he would want but I recognize that if he'd been the one that was left he wouldn't be doing so great either so it's okay to let myself fall apart.   We were believers in love/god/goddess being synonymous.  It's not easy to live in that when your heart is shattered and it feels on some days that there is no reason to live.  But love still exists in our hearts and in the things that make us smile.  I am glad that this day still makes you smile, Shawn.  We wouldn't be in this deep grief if we didn't also have deep love. 

 

I thanked God for letting me meet my husband who gave me unconditional love affection, understanding, patience, compassion and companionship until the day he died. He accepted me for me and all my flaws; I never had a man love me the way he did. He was my defender and my protector in life and told me he would never leave me.  He died unexpectedly and that fast my way of life with him was over. I haven’t been able to rebuild my life yet because I don’t believe in myself or have the strength or determination to begin changing my negative feelings and thoughts and implement positive feelings and thoughts into my mindset so I can have a better outlook on life and that I can have a new life for myself and experience happiness again.  I also need to have a daily routine and regular sleep schedule cuz right now I’m just surviving day by day doing only the necessary things to live such as caring for my cat, eating meals and going to the bathroom that’s all I do and nothing more.  It takes me a while to fall asleep and when am sleeping it’s only for a short time cuz I wake up in the middle of the night at least 2x’s a night. I never feel refreshed in the morning cuz of the sleep disruptions. I never thought that I would end up being a widow and live a life a misery and having constant  mental health problems to deal with and growing old by myself.  My husband’s death will always be a part of me