Members PennySSJ Posted July 27, 2023 Members Report Share Posted July 27, 2023 I am here after a lot of loss in my life, but I do not know where to begin. I do not feel anything anymore. I do not know if it is from the family loss or the medical issue that began in March to which I am not working now, hopefully in a month I can get back, but until then I just do not have energy to do anything, go anywhere. I have had to do nothing but sit for 4 months and I do not know how to come out of it all. It has been a tough road and I do not see the end of it in sight. Along with the family loss, I have financial loss and possible homelessness. My body has been fighting me to get up and get moving which does not help the situation. I see doctors and I am trying but it is not seeming to get any better. As for the grief, I am going to try to join a GriefShare program here in my town very soon. But until then I thought it would be a good idea if I came onto one of the online places to try to connect with others. Penny Scarlett-Jamison God Bless 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 27, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted July 27, 2023 Wow, you really have lost a lot in a short span of time. Keep trying, don't give up, fight for your life because it is, even if you don't feel like it. Be extra kind, patient, and understanding of yourself, like you would a friend. Right now I am also fighting, it's hard, only it's wildfires, third year in a row, last summer our air quality was over 1600, made national news, we had the fire and smoke for three months, it was the worst summer of my life, now here we are again. My heart goes out to you... Multiple Losses Grief Process This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference! I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road. TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this. I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey. Take one day at a time. The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew. It can be challenging enough just to tackle today. I tell myself, I only have to get through today. Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again. To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety. Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves. The intensity lessens eventually. Visit your doctor. Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks. They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief. Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief. If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline. I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived. Back to taking a day at a time. Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808 Give yourself permission to smile. It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still. Try not to isolate too much. There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself. We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it! Some people set aside time every day to grieve. I didn't have to, it searched and found me! Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever. That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care. You'll need it more than ever. Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is. We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc. They have not only the knowledge, but the resources. In time, consider a grief support group. If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". Be patient, give yourself time. There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc. They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it. It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters. Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time. That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse. Finally, they were up to stay. Consider a pet. Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely. It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him. Besides, they're known to relieve stress. Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage. Make yourself get out now and then. You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now. That's normal. Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then. Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first. You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it. If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot. Keep coming here. We've been through it and we're all going through this together. Look for joy in every day. It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T. It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully. You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it. It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it. Eventually consider volunteering. It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win. (((hugs))) Praying for you today. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members PEN1964 Posted January 12 Members Report Share Posted January 12 Hello Penny, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my partner of 23 years in October 2021, then my mother passed in October 2022, I recently had to say goodbye to my sweet dachshund, and now my 92 year old dad may have stomach cancer. I cry every morning and feel so alone. My two grown children live out of state and I don't want to share my misery with them everyday. I want to give them space to heal because they are suffering too. I keep trying to imagine some kind of peace or happiness in the future, but I feel hopeless. Every time I try to work through something, something new and horrible happens. I'm forcing myself to work everyday and feel I just exist for no purpose and can't make myself care about much right now. I really hope your feeling better and appreciate your sharing your painful experience. I feel less alone. Thank you 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 12 Moderators Report Share Posted January 12 I am so sorry for all of your multiple losses, that is kind of how it has been for me only losing my husband and my dog have been my hardest, but I have lost so many... Praying for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members PEN1964 Posted January 12 Members Report Share Posted January 12 Thank you, Kay. I'm so sorry for your losses. I know how hard it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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