Loss and yearning

[DWS]

It's another quiet Saturday morning and that means lots of thinking and reflecting....and yearning for the times when my partner Tom was here. To help with my thoughts and rein in my emotions, I did what I usually do...go searching online for articles and discussion on the topic of yearning and longing. I found this interesting What's Your Grief writeup: https://whatsyourgrief.com/yearning-grief-loss/

One of the more interesting revelations in the article is the comparison of yearning to nostalgia. Like the writer, I've always been a nostalgic person in general who likely puts way too much marvel and romance into the past but I like the writer's idea of putting more of a positive spin on this yearning thing and in my case, the thoughts and longing of the past with Tom. From her article..."grieving people may believe they are experiencing yearning when they are actually engaging in nostalgia to cope with negative grief emotion".  Some might argue that that is just an excuse to revel in the past and not face the present but longing and yearning, to me, certainly seem part of the "carrying grief" concept that helps us through this. My yearning doesn't include longing for him to return but it does have memories, reflections and wistfulness of the happier times. I carry that wonderful history and it's part of who I am now. 

 

[KayC]

Absolutely, and if people tell you otherwise, let go of them or what they say. imo

[RichS]

DWS:  You’ve found a strategy that helps you to cope while still being grounded in reality. Keep up the good work!

[Catvont]

The loss of my husband and lifelong partner has made me consciously yearn for and re-live certain moments and images from my life with him, especially our first encounter and images of him as a young man, when I fell madly in love with him. From the beginning our story is like out of a novel, and I keep re-living it over and over in my head, reading love letters written to each other when were apart for 6 months, and being generally very masochistic and wallowing in my intense recollections. I’ve started doing this several months after his death, after coping fairly well for a while. It feels cathartic, but I bring unrelenting despair onto myself. 

Edited September 7, 2023 by Catvont
Better wording

[RichS]

Catvont:  Welcome to our board. Here you will find caring, sympathetic person who are here for you to share your feelings; each and every day. When we can, we will offer suggestions that might be helpful to you. Please continue to post on this board. WELCOME!!

[DWS]

14 hours ago, Catvont said:

 I’ve started doing this several months after his death, after coping fairly well for a while. It feels cathartic, but I bring unrelenting despair onto myself. 

I'm so sorry for the terrible loss of your husband. I suspect that your poor heart needs to bring him closer to you again as it feels that time slowly takes them away from us. A griever on here last year exclaimed that they were starting to forget their person. I've felt that horrible feeling too and find revisiting certain scenes from our past is needed and warranted. It may create despair but for me, that despair feels more relieving than walking around with a heavy heart that comes from repressing the grief and sadness.