Members matilda Posted July 20, 2023 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2023 Last Thursday I lost my Matilda after almost 15 years of being together. She was with me during a dark period of my life and loved her with all my heart. The past year she developed a cough and the vet told me that it is natural for old dogs to cough. A heart ultrasound showed nothing important. However she was overweight and instead of limiting her food I kept giving her more than I should have because she really enjoyed food. I feel quilty and beyond sad because I think that her extra weight may have caused her heart failure. I wish I could go back time and do things differently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 20, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted July 20, 2023 I am so sorry for your loss. 15 years is a good long life so you must have been doing something right. Mine died of cancer, diagnosed as inoperable with his liver shutting down, just two weeks after his passed physical. He'd dieted and lost 30 lbs just a couple of years earlier, it's not always a guarantee of anything. My heart goes out to you, mine was my soulmate in a dog, I lost my husband 18 years ago so he was all I had, plus 25 1/2 year old Kitty, who died 4 1/2 months after my Arlie. The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs... Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers A Dangerous Villain: GuiltBreaking the Power of GuiltA Dangerous Villain: Guilthttp://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtmlhttp://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htmhttps://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.htmlhttps://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members matilda Posted July 20, 2023 Author Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2023 Thank you so much for your kind words. Life is so cruel sometimes. I hope that you have found the strength to look back at the time you had with your loved ones(husband and dog) and be full of warmth. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 20, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted July 20, 2023 Yes, but this is about YOU, how are YOU doing right now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members matilda Posted July 20, 2023 Author Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2023 Not so well. I haven't put her things away yet and when I look at them I go from feeling optimistic that things will be better to feeling devastated and certain that nothing will be the same anymore. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members matilda Posted July 20, 2023 Author Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2023 16 minutes ago, KayC said: I am so sorry for your loss. 15 years is a good long life so you must have been doing something right. Mine died of cancer, diagnosed as inoperable with his liver shutting down, just two weeks after his passed physical. He'd dieted and lost 30 lbs just a couple of years earlier, it's not always a guarantee of anything. My heart goes out to you, mine was my soulmate in a dog, I lost my husband 18 years ago so he was all I had, plus 25 1/2 year old Kitty, who died 4 1/2 months after my Arlie. The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs... Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers A Dangerous Villain: GuiltBreaking the Power of GuiltA Dangerous Villain: Guilthttp://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtmlhttp://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htmhttps://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.htmlhttps://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace. 5 minutes ago, KayC said: Yes, but this is about YOU, how are YOU doing right now? Not well 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 20, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted July 20, 2023 I still have a shrine in my bedroom, his coat hanging on a chair so I can hold it (he was a big boy) and his collar and leash hanging by the door. He will never be forgotten. I did finally give his toys away and buried him with his favorite, a stuffed duck. My son brought me a dog 1/7 of Arlie's size (that he was most of his life) and he's my service dog, but my Arlie will always be special for who he was, he had the most amazing communication (Husky) a very evolved tonal language, and sense of humor. It might help you to write stories of his life, it did me. 6 minutes ago, matilda said: nothing will be the same anymore. No, it isn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted July 22, 2023 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2023 I'm so sorry for your loss. It's incredibly painful. The routine changes and you realize how much they're a part of every day. Hang in there. I promise you will find some peace. It just takes time. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members matilda Posted July 26, 2023 Author Members Report Share Posted July 26, 2023 Thank you. I certainly hope so. For the time being I feel lost and helpless. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 26, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted July 26, 2023 Holding you in my thoughts and prayers... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pml1976 Posted August 14, 2023 Members Report Share Posted August 14, 2023 Just reading this and understand your pain. I hope you have found a little peace in your heart since it happened. It's a devastating feeling. 2 days ago my cat got out and ran right in front of a car. He died immediately. I'm grief stricken and can't even concentrate on anything. Work has been so tough, life is so tough now that my little buddy is gone. I can't stop running over his last moments of his life and I know that's not helping. Tell me it gets better 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 14, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted August 14, 2023 I am so sorry for your loss.It's the hardest thing in the world, they're in our lives, our everyday routines and part of our family and then we're left empty. In two days it'll be the fourth anv. of my Arlie's death. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. My heart really goes out to you. It gets more tolerable with time, but I can't say when. You can rest assured your kitty is at peace now... The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs... Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers All I know is. we'll be together again. I hold onto that. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pml1976 Posted August 15, 2023 Members Report Share Posted August 15, 2023 Thank you so much for your kindness. I read the title of the post and also felt like I didn't do enough. I could have ran outside as fast as I could and saved him. Ten minutes prior to his death, I was holding him and he was purring so loudly, I told him to never leave me. Then I blinked and he was gone. I feel sick inside, it hurts so bad. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 15, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted August 15, 2023 We feel responsible even though there's nothing we could have done, if there had been, we would have done it. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted August 16, 2023 Members Report Share Posted August 16, 2023 On 8/14/2023 at 5:10 PM, pml1976 said: Ten minutes prior to his death, I was holding him and he was purring so loudly Welcome to the best place none of us ever wanted to be. I'm so sorry you lost your sweetheart. The truth is that none of us feel as if we did enough. It's not true, of course, but it's how we think of it, especially at first. KayC is correct, as usual. Please I urge you to think about something Kay reminds us. We might feel guilty, but that doesn't mean we are. Feelings are not facts and the fact is that you did what you could. I know this won't mean much now, while you are in so much pain, but it matters so much that you were there. Surrounding him with your love means everything; it really does. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pml1976 Posted August 16, 2023 Members Report Share Posted August 16, 2023 6 hours ago, foreverhis said: Welcome to the best place none of us ever wanted to be. I'm so sorry you lost your sweetheart. The truth is that none of us feel as if we did enough. It's not true, of course, but it's how we think of it, especially at first. KayC is correct, as usual. Please I urge you to think about something Kay reminds us. We might feel guilty, but that doesn't mean we are. Feelings are not facts and the fact is that you did what you could. I know this won't mean much now, while you are in so much pain, but it matters so much that you were there. Surrounding him with your love means everything; it really does. Thank you so much for your comforting words. I made him a headstone yesterday and said prayers where we buried him. It sort of helped but I feel like the pain will never go away. Thanks again for caring. I'll never forget him until my dying breath. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 16, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted August 16, 2023 I'm glad you were able to make his headstone. I feel the same. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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