Cooking, daily task, this and that

[Bou]

I started working after a week from my husband passing away.  I had to work.  Not only for the money but from other people depending on me.  My husband did the cooking.   I still struggle with this.  I am vegetarian and I struggle with what to make and how much to make and just plain the task of cooking.   I had to learn how to use our gas stove.   Sounds silly.  True story I didn't know how to use our stove.  He cooked.  He did it well and all the time.  I couldn't cook even if I wanted too.... he would come running from another room and tell me how to do it.  Cooking is not something I really enjoy.    Hate to admit but we eat out a lot.  By the time I get done buying groceries for me and my daughter it is often cheaper to get something out then cook from scratch.  Plus I just don't like to cook much.  Everything is up to me now.  A couple of years before my husband passed we found out that my daughter had BP.   So not only have we had to deal with her Mental Illness but also grieving at the same time.  My husband, her father.   Running a house is not easy.  He did a lot.  I have had to learn so much and mentally I am exhausted from it all.  I never really had time to take all of this in .......not saying that is a bad thing.  For me it was probably a blessing because I have been so busy with work, my 2nd job, my daughter, the house, camp, family, cars.   I don't stop.  When I do stop I am usually too tired to enjoy stopping because I am exhausted.  Then there is the feeling of guilty for any happiness.   At first it was awful.  My heart of hearts tells me he would want me happy, not sad.   You get one chance at life so you better make the most of the short time you are here.  Society has pushed us into a non reality of having to have everything line up just so!  Most of us can't obtain those unrealistic ways.  I tell myself I just need to do the best I can with what I have and at the time I am in.   I am too busy in my life to keep my house spotless.  Would I like it to be....of course.   but is that my reality.....no freakin way.  I am thankful for the business and non stop because it has gotten me through and continues to keep me at bay.  Otherwise I wouldn't be able to function at all.  Am I lonely.... hell yes.  He was my everything.  We did everything together.  We enjoyed being together.  It sucks not having that sounding board, making decisions by myself, having to take care of everything myself.   It all sucks.   Somehow I/we have to find a way to move on and live our lives.  We have to know its ok to be happy again.  We have to hold hope close.  I am not a religious person, but I think we all need to believe in something.  I chose to believe he is in a happy place and hopefully I will see him again someday.  If I didn't believe this the alternative is just to depressing and offers no hope.   I am not new here I just have not posted.  You all have saved and walked me through the hardest time in my life.   I hope my stories and shares will help other people too. 

Oh and those little things that need to get done.  I just do what I can when I can and hope to be better at all that

[KayC]

I started Keto for my health over 3 1/2 years ago and administer a world wide diabetic group...I'm on this for life.  I had gotten tired of cooking and after a long commute just didn't want to so late when I had to get up early.  Now this has inspired me and I truly enjoy cooking so much now!  I've collected hundreds of recipes and never run out of ideas.  But honestly, had it not been for my health, I wouldn't have done this, easier sometimes to stop and get something on the way home.  But now I have so many easy recipes and knowing they're healthy inspires me.

It IS hard to take on the chores we aren't used to.  I did the yard work for years, but when I started having injuries in 2017 I had to hire it done.  It's only gotten worse with 15 major hand injuries since the pandemic, including botched surgery. I won't let anyone touch my hands anymore, I want to preserve the 10% strength I'm left with.  I live with the pain and numbness.

My George was also my everything, my soul mate, my best friend, from the time we "met" through letter writing, we clicked. I'll never forget the first time I heard his voice!  It was magical.  He always had my kids and my best interest at heart and would have done anything for us!

It sounds like you had the same sort of relationship...only my George didn't cook. He'd heat a can of soup and grill sandwiches to "help" me after work. I loved cooking for him, after he died, that's when I lost interest.  I had to learn to value myself, just me, and do it for ME.  So many ways to value ourselves, be patient, understand, and kind to yourself.  Take care of yourself.  Didn't learn this overnight.

I'm glad you found this place...

[widower2]

Yeah the daily chores can wear on you for sure. For me cooking meals is the worst chore of all, because unlike other chores, I have to do it every single day, multiple times a day. It wasn't bad with the two of us - she did more than me but I helped, and cooking for two just felt more useful. Now in the battle of my laziness vs my hunger or desire for better food, laziness often wins out. I just can't get into chopping, mixing, measuring etc, all of that just for a meal or two and it's gone (then there's the cleanup too). Most of my "cooking" is done with the micro or grill! Italian food was always a staple - when I was younger, it was because it was cheap and easy - I don't care as much about the cheap part anymore, but still love the easy. And it's healthy too, except for the carbs, which I try to watch. I don't eat out much due partly to cost and hassle of having to get there (I don't live near anything) but also restaurant food tends to be pretty unhealthy - very high in salt, sugar, and fat - because they care about making it tasty, not healthy. 

[KayC]

1 hour ago, widower2 said:

I don't eat out much due partly to cost and hassle of having to get there (I don't live near anything)

Me too!

 

[shawnt]

I live with 3 of my sons,I don't mind cooking when I have time,but we do take out a lot. Clean up is a battle of wills and negotiation + some threats thrown in for good measure. We all do our own laundry and that's where I fail, can't seem to get the hang of folding and I can't iron even if someone put a gun to my head. I will dress different if something will need to be ironed. Pathetic.

[KayC]

I hate ironing so much that when I retired I got rid of all button down shirts (except flannel, I am a redneck after all! :D) or anything that has to be ironed, and nothing with cufflinks either!

I do Iris's dishes and cleanup of kitchen most of the time, usually they're still where they dried and I put them away.  Includes cleaning out drawers of mouse turds, turns out the electronic devices must not be working.  I need to talk to her about it.

As for laundry, it's just me now so usually 1-2 loads/week all thrown in together. It was different when I had a family, I sorted, but then I had much more to do, often five loads/week.

[widower2]

12 hours ago, shawnt said:

I live with 3 of my sons,I don't mind cooking when I have time,but we do take out a lot. Clean up is a battle of wills and negotiation + some threats thrown in for good measure. We all do our own laundry and that's where I fail, can't seem to get the hang of folding and I can't iron even if someone put a gun to my head. I will dress different if something will need to be ironed. Pathetic.

I'm the same way so you take that pathetic crack back!     Geez people still iron stuff? I've ironed exactly twice in the last 3 yrs and both times for weddings. Thank God work is casual because I can wear a polo shirt - no ironing. I think back years ago when we had to wear dress shirts and ties to work, I admit it was a nice, professional look, but I don't miss having to iron shirts and wear ties. 

[RichS]

Since Chris passed away I feel a little overwhelmed because I’m covering chores that both of did separately. That in itself is not surprising. I do notice that my energy level tends to drag as I get into the afternoon. Two things I’ve been doing that help:

-  Do as much as I can in the morning when my energy level is higher. Errands in the afternoon are not as draining. Maybe because it gets me out of the house and into a change of scenery.

-  I try to figure out easier ways of getting things done. Perfection is not my goal so sometimes cutting corners works for me.

[shawnt]

I have decided I hate cleaning windows the most. 

[KayC]

Me too!

[widower2]

You clean windows? That's what rain is for.   (Frankly I only clean mine sporadically at most or if some really noticeable smudge or something is on it)

[DMB]

I do windows once a year in the fall so I can open the blinds in the winter to get sunlight in to help heat the house, or at least hit the thermostat and keep costs down.

I don't iron clothes.  Only if needed which I too, will usually just pick something else to wear.  I have a huge table in my basement.  I do iron the 3 table clothes at Christmas time that it takes to cover it.

I almost killed every plant that was sent to me. For months, almost a year, I was very angry to have to care for them. Three years later I still have 4 living.  Two loads of laundry a week has been awesome compared to the 7-8-9 I used to do before he passed, and my son still lived at home.

I enjoy cooking but it has been a real adjustment doing it for just me.  I wasted a lot.  Still working on this, buying less, and preparing less, so hopefully it will work out.

Lately keeping the floors clean has been problematic. Last week I tried by pulling the dreaded machine out into the living room, but it just sat there for few days. The other night walking by it into the kitchen, I tripped on the hose and fell.  I was OK, and that did it.  The next morning it was the first thing I did.  I asked my kids to look into getting me an upright that vacuums and mops for my birthday or Christmas.  

It is so strange that these things changed so.  

 

[RichS]

28 minutes ago, DMB said:

It is so strange that these things changed so.

I'm discovering that I'VE CHANGED. When I lived in Florida 35 years ago, I was outside doing yard work for 3-4 hours at a time. The heat didn't bother me as much. Now, I do a 1/2 hour in my backyard and I have to take a break. Father Time has caught up with me..................

[KayC]

My house has storm windows so there are two windows that slide open and a screen there as well.  The place is old and sometimes the windows just fall out if you mess with them. I got one duct taped together and my son got it back in the trap (bedroom one) and told me, "There, don't touch it! I closed the blinds and pretend it's not there. That works for me!  Anyone who has priced replacing windows knows it can be cost prohibitive, esp. on an old place that always seems to need something else!

I don't mind doing floors but my vacuum is about 20 years old...

[widower2]

oy. And I'm really warming up to the idea of one of those "roomba" automated vacuum cleaner things. I hate vacuuming! 

[AJ4]

Hello, I think struggling through daily life is a big part of being in the midst of grief.  Even simple things seem hard and things that are new that you suddenly have to learn to do can seem impossible.  
If you can, don't feel guilty about getting take out a lot and eating out.  With working 2 jobs and kids, you are already doing a lot.   You can also make half prepared meals at home if that gets too expensive, such as buying a package of sauce and veggies (I like curry in a box) and adding rice to it at home.   Or making spaghetti with jar of sauce is pretty easy and cheap.  

[KayC]

With my diet I have to cook everything from scratch but actually love doing it! I even enjoy doing the dishes...why I do Iris' so much.  Her husband did most of the cooking and dishes.  I think my George would have related had he been the one left, although he ran the vacuum as well.  Lord knows what he'd be eating!

[shawnt]

I only tackled the Windows because my wife did them in the spring and I have been feeling guilty that the house is not in the shape she liked it and like a dummy I thought it would be easy.

Next year I will hire the job out.

I miss her so. All the little and big things she did to make this place a home.

[RichS]

1 hour ago, Gator M said:

I don't know how y'all do it? It takes everything I had to do just the essentials at home. Work I can do.  One big reason is this stupid arbitration...I want out of this house.

Makes perfect sense to me. You're in a place where you don't want to be so why bother to make improvements? 

I do things now (that Chris mostly did) that would overwhelmed me a couple of years ago. Now they're part of my daily and weekly routines. What word can I associate with this? I think it's SURVIVAL........

Edited August 9, 2023 by RichS
added information

[RichS]

2 hours ago, shawnt said:

I miss her so. All the little and big things she did to make this place a home.

You read my mind, Shawn..........................

[foreverhis]

On 8/8/2023 at 12:38 PM, DMB said:

I almost killed every plant that was sent to me. For months, almost a year,

Although our family doesn’t usually send floral arrangements, my sister wisely did that instead of a plant for my birthday and for John the first year.

Our daughter, bless her heart, sent me a bonsai azalea as part of that first Christmas gift. I have a green thumb and everyone knows that. But I killed that azalea through neglect. Then I had to explain to our daughter that I loved her thoughtfulness, but that I needed her to not send me anything I would need to tend because I could barely tend myself most days. She understood and sent me a few of my favorite Seattle-specific consumables.

[KayC]

My mind was so frazzled at the time I don't even remember the arrangements people sent me...except one. It was huge, in a basket, it was sent by George's ex-wife. I was bowled over by her thoughtfulness but also concerned there was something else behind it. I called her and assured her I wasn't interested in telling their kids anything about her or their marriage, that they married young and made mistakes that sometimes young people do...both of them. I told her George had learned and grown and changed so much and was the most wonderful man I knew...but a far cry from the man SHE was married to.  She softened and opened up to me, and sure enough, she had been worried about that.  I laid her concerns to rest and we're on a friendly basis even still.

 

[widower2]

I'm rediscovering the glory of chicken   It's great because you can make it so many diff ways. I like grilling up a bunch, putting a little in the fridge and freezing the rest. Then I can just defrost in the micro and good to go. 

[shawnt]

Magical bird the chicken. Bake it, fry it, bbq it,  boil into a soup. And to top it off it poops out breakfast.

[DWS]

15 hours ago, widower2 said:

I'm rediscovering the glory of chicken   It's great because you can make it so many diff ways. I like grilling up a bunch, putting a little in the fridge and freezing the rest. Then I can just defrost in the micro and good to go. 

That's a great suggestion for those struggling about how to now make meals for one. It's so handy and a relief to look in my freezer and pull out one of the already-baked chicken breasts for tonight's or tomorrow's dinner. I do it for pork chops, salmon portions and hamburger patties too!

[widower2]

Absolutely. The micro and grill comprise most of my cooking. The stove mostly to cook pasta. An oven? What's that? 

[KayC]

I've made "pulled chicken" instead of pork in the crockpot, easy to package up and freeze for when you need it.  AND I love my air fryer!

[widower2]

I forgot about crock pots! A nice thing to have.

[KayC]

I need to use it on my bdy (Sat.) as I'll be getting groceries in the valley (an all day trip) and looking for winter gloves to buy.  Come home, put groceries away and take Kodie to play with Jazzy.  Will be too worn out to cook!

[Sparky1]

16 hours ago, KayC said:

AND I love my air fryer!

Oh Kay, how I agree with you. I just got one about a year ago and it's the best thing ever. No more barbecue, it cooks meat better than the barbecue. Even cooks those mini pizzas no problem. Got a double tray one for the house, and brought the single tray one up north for the cottage. I don't have to worry if it's raining outside and can't do the barbecue, and it's very quick. And yes, it is difficult managing meals for one. I have a professional vacuum sealer so I seal all the meats in portions and freeze them. I write the date on them so I know to use them up in order of age.

[KayC]

Yes, it was definitely worth my $, I rarely use my oven any more and in time will likely pay for itself in what we save in electricity!  I bought one 2 1/2 years ago and bought my daughter one two years ago.

[widower2]

3 hours ago, KayC said:

I need to use it on my bdy (Sat.) 

That's my sister's birthday too! An early happy birthday to you!

[KayC]

Thank you, and happy birthday to your sister!

Made Nordic Bread and waiting for it to cool, nuts, seeds, eggs, coconut oil, salt, cinnamon...can't wait to try!  It smelled my house up good!  Taking some to Iris' tonight as she got some soup out of the freezer, should go well with that!

[Sparky1]

2 hours ago, widower2 said:

That's my sister's birthday too! An early happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday to your sister widower2 and also an early happy birthday to you Kay (a fellow Libra) My birthday was yesterday and nothing exciting happened, spent it alone other than the phone calls and text messages. Such is life......

[KayC]

I'm making the 100+ mile trek to get groceries, exciting.   3 weeks since the last time.

Happy Birthday, Sparky!

[widower2]

  

4 hours ago, Sparky1 said:

Happy birthday to your sister widower2 and also an early happy birthday to you Kay (a fellow Libra) My birthday was yesterday and nothing exciting happened, spent it alone other than the phone calls and text messages. Such is life......

Sorry it wasn't a more exciting birthday. I've had my share of birthdays alone.

 

2 hours ago, KayC said:

I'm making the 100+ mile trek to get groceries, exciting.   

Wow - I will not complain about my 25-30 mi drive to get groceries on here ever!

[KayC]

Well that's round trip, not one way, but still, it's a lot.  So is 30 miles one way though!  Saturday will have further to drive as I need to look for gloves and meet my daughter for lunch if she is able.