Its my fault

[nyancat91]

2 years ago I found this kitten with a broken pelvis and she wasnt able to walk. I took her to my vet and they told me to put her down but I said no. They started cortisone therapy and miraculously it worked but she was having difficulty pooping and sometimes I had to take her to the vet to help her with this situation. This time I have decided to take her to a different vet because I felt like my vet wasn’t helping enough and they told me she needs a surgery and remove some part of her pelvic bone to help the bowl movements and also they told me she had hernia which caused her problems with her bladder. This info was never provided by my old vet so so I trusted these people and she went under a very serious operation. After the operation she didn’t move a lot and the third day her breathing stopped. I cant even explain the guilt I am feeling, maybe I shouldve asked for a second opinion or done something else. I feel like I rushed to quickly because I was so scared that she couldn’t poop for a while and she was in a lot of pain. My girl was a survivor I dont know why she gave up after all the things she has been through. I dont know how to live with my self. I have 5 cats and looked after many but she was so special for me. I really dont know how to forgive myself, my baby died because of me

[KayC]

She didn't die because of you, you gave her life and tried to save her. It could have been she just had too many surmountable problems to overcome and she needed her rest. I am so sorry for your loss, it is so hard to deal with no matter how young or old they are. 
You can rest assured your kitty is at peace now...

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[foreverhis]

Welcome.  As usual, KayC's words are exactly right.  You did nothing wrong; you gave everything for your sweet kitten.  You gave her a chance when others wouldn't.  You gave her the most important gift in the world, love.

I realize that all these words are just that right now, words.  It will take time for your mind and heart to grieve.  I urge you to be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend in this situation.  The members here understand all too well how it is to search for a different outcome and find someone to blame.  We're still here and so we look in the mirror, point back at ourselves, and say "It's your fault!"  It is not your fault, even though it feels that way now.  And you will have to come to understand in your own time and in your own way.

In the meantime, please keep coming here to talk, to rant, to cry.  The members here understand in ways others often cannot or will not.  You are not alone.

[KayC]

8 hours ago, foreverhis said:

I urge you to be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend in this situation.

Sage advice! We here know grief, this is what we've learned to do, be patient, kind, understanding with ourselves as we go through this journey.  Feelings are not facts, they are feelings, just there to (imo) contend with, and they can feel overwhelming.  (((hugs)))

[KelleyG]

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet kitty. It sounds like you did everything you could for her, actually you went above and beyond what a lot of people would have done. 

 

I've lost 3 precious cats in the last several years, and felt guilt after every single passing. Two died from cancer, the most recent died from a coyote attack. That ripped my heart out, I felt like the worst pet parent ever that I let my cat outside and didn't protect him.

 

We do the best we can with what we know at the time, and it's easy to look back and critique what we would have done differently.

 

I hope with time you will forgive yourself and realize that you gave your baby the best life possible and she loved you for it. My heart goes out to you.