This feels impossible

[jasminelizabeth]

I don’t think I’ve ever hurt so much from the loss of anyone to the extent of this. My 5 year old Beagle, Harley, was killed last night and I can’t handle it. My husband was finishing their walk which they did often and lasted hours. However I was getting concerned with how long they were gone. Checking my phone I had missed calls from him only to return his call with him hysterical and telling me she’s dead. They were just down the street so I drove as fast as I could and there she was just laying there on her back. Apparently a pitbull had ran up and attacked her, and as he was fighting it off our girl escaped her harness and ran into the street to be met with an SUV. He’s now traumatized by the event and devastated in his own way. He needs to get it off his chest but I can’t hear it. I won’t. He understands. We had to tell our daughters she’s gone. Animal control took her to cremate her so we’re waiting for her ashes. I can’t stop crying. I have to return to work but I don’t want to. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. She enjoyed sharing snacks with me, and we shared a bed. My blanket smells like her and it’s killing me. I feel like I hear her cry at the back door to come back in. I’m waiting for her warm body to snuggle next to me at night. Even our cat seems to understand something isn’t right. He sniffed her harness then climbed over to my lap. He jumped on the bed to sniff at my tears and rub his face on my cheek. The pain in my chest isn’t getting any better. I’ve lost a dog before but it was to old age, I was able to prepare for the worst. But this. We are packing to move out of state to paradise. We had plans to show her the ocean and see her reactions to tiny lizards. I will never have that with her. I will never hear her bugle of excitement when I come home from work. I will never have her sweet kisses. I know grief takes time. It’s a process. But I don’t know how to get through this. I can’t get the image of her body out of my head. I’ve tried distracting myself but everything reminds me of her. I just wish she could come back home to me. I’d give a piece of my lifespan to have her here. Anything. I know there are others that have gone through this trauma and learn to heal. We may move forward but we never forget them. I hope there’s an afterlife and that she knows how loved and missed she is. She will never ever leave my heart. I miss you more than anything, my beautiful loving angel.

[KayC]

Oh Hon, my heart goes out to you, your words are so poignant, they are an outpouring of your heart.  I have been on grief forums for 18 years and I don't remember one that hit me this hard.  Where do you live and where are you moving to? East Coast or West?

Can you get any bereavement time off work?  I know it's not by law for a pet, but you'd think a kind hearted manager would consider it....

The poor baby!  It must have terrified her.  He is at peace now, with my Arlie, a gentle giant.  Yes there's a heaven and yes there are dogs there.  No more tears, no more pain.  
Pets go to heaven

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[AJWCat]

Oh no this is tragic, I am so so sorry. I am sure you're still in shock. (I lost my cat very suddenly, and horribly so I get it.) 

I don't know where to begin except to say, be patient with yourself and your husband. It's going to take some time to find a kind of peace with this. You will heal, I promise. 

My heart goes out to you. It's incredibly painful to have any loss especially one so randomly like this.