I think I ignored the signs

[Magess]

On Sunday I had to put down my 12 year old Scottie, Callum.

I had thought he was in good health. A little slow because he was old, but I had been giving him something for his arthritis, and he was wanting to go on walks again. He ate ravenously. His coat looked good. His eyes looked good.

He had some growths on his face. I'd had some removed in the past.

I took him to the ER because his breathing wasn't right. They did chest x-rays and saw that he had heart disease, but no heart murmur. But he definitely had fluid in his chest and what they expect was cancer on his lungs. Over night, his breathing got worse, and when I took him back, the vet said there was basically nothing that could be done for him. We could send him to the hospital and do lots of expensive testing, but the chances were that whatever we found would not be treatable.

I think, now, that the thing on his face was malignant, and I failed to take him to the vet to get them removed because of a short term cost that could have given him a longer life.

I've done nothing but cry for 5 days, and now I just feel numb, so I'm writing this before the guilt of it really hits me. Just... I guess because I need to confess it somewhere...

[KayC]

I am so sorry for the loss of your dog.  My beloved Arlie also got a death sentence, cancer.  It's the hardest thing in the world.  He was just 11 1/2.  You might want to consider writing your stories down as a way to memorialize him, so he's never forgotten.  Bless you.

 

 

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[AJWCat]

So sorry for the loss of your sweet boy. The only people who come here are people who love their pets so so much. That's obviously you so we already know you're a good person. It's natural to go into "guilt mode" over everything you didn't do perfectly or were not aware of or even could not have known.

Just let yourself grieve without guilt. You deserve that. 

[KLC]

Hi im very sorry for your loss of Callum. I lost my cat Beau on 22 June. I am also beyond devastated and keep crying too. Ive not had to make the decision before to put a pet to sleep and I have found it incredibly difficult for so many reasons as are you. It takes you through so many intense emotions. I have found trying to change routine has helped, filling the silence with the tv/radio, and i still talk to her which i know sounds mad but its a comfort. My cat became ill very fast, i had her for ten years, from a stray. She started losing weight fast and couldnt keep food down. I took her to emergency vets and they couldnt say 100% but after initial tests they felt she had a tumour/cancer. They could have done more intense tests but i decided i did not want to put her through any more pain or suffering. I too have doubts and guilt if i did the right thing but i know deep down it was the right thing its just hard to come to terms with.  A friend said to me today, if your pet could talk to you now they would say how grateful they are that we gave them such a blessed life, and that we gave them so much love and that we have given them the chance to start a new life, pain free, and that they rely soley on us to care for them and to make that decision on their behalf at the end to not let them suffer. I always promised my cat i would not let her suffer and stuck to that promise even though its the saddest thing ever. I do think they take a piece of our heart with them. We will never forget them and once the hurt is over we will smile and remember the fond memories x

[KayC]

Your friend is right, and I hope that helps you.  My heart goes out to you, I am so sorry for you loss.
http://www.griefhealing.com/comfort-grieving-animal-lovers.htm

 

[Magess]

On 7/13/2023 at 6:07 PM, KLC said:

Hi im very sorry for your loss of Callum. I lost my cat Beau on 22 June. I am also beyond devastated and keep crying too. Ive not had to make the decision before to put a pet to sleep and I have found it incredibly difficult for so many reasons as are you. It takes you through so many intense emotions. I have found trying to change routine has helped, filling the silence with the tv/radio, and i still talk to her which i know sounds mad but its a comfort. My cat became ill very fast, i had her for ten years, from a stray. She started losing weight fast and couldnt keep food down. I took her to emergency vets and they couldnt say 100% but after initial tests they felt she had a tumour/cancer. They could have done more intense tests but i decided i did not want to put her through any more pain or suffering. I too have doubts and guilt if i did the right thing but i know deep down it was the right thing its just hard to come to terms with.  A friend said to me today, if your pet could talk to you now they would say how grateful they are that we gave them such a blessed life, and that we gave them so much love and that we have given them the chance to start a new life, pain free, and that they rely soley on us to care for them and to make that decision on their behalf at the end to not let them suffer. I always promised my cat i would not let her suffer and stuck to that promise even though its the saddest thing ever. I do think they take a piece of our heart with them. We will never forget them and once the hurt is over we will smile and remember the fond memories x

I'm sorry you're going through this as well.

I don't think still talking to them is crazy. So far most of my talking to Callum is to tell him how sorry I am. Hopefully I will have better things to tell him someday.

They definitely take a piece of our hearts with them.

[KayC]

I still talk to my husband sometimes, I lost him 18 years ago, and I still talk to my Arlie (soulmate in a dog) and he's been gone four years 8/16.  I don't think it's crazy at all, they still exist and of course we want to reach out to them whether it's possible or not.

[foreverhis]

I also still talk to my husband John. He’s been gone 5 years now. I don’t know if he can hear me, but I hope so. I used to talk to him all the time. It’s less often over the years, yet he is always in my heart and thoughts.

When I adopted my rescue Bengal cat Cosi at 1 year old, I started talking to John’s soulmate-in-a-cat Penny again. We lost her nearly 2 decades ago. I “feel” her here now more than I have in a very long time. And sometimes when I do, I will say, “Pennykins, talk to Cosi about (whatever behavior we’re working on).” It doesn’t much matter to me if it’s my imagination because talking to her comforts me.

My Cosi was abandoned in an apartment at about 10 months old. While she came to me with excellent litter box and eating manners, there are also things she wasn’t taught as a kitten that I am now helping her learn as a young, stubborn, feisty, and loving “teenager.” So I rely on both my instincts and my firm belief that those we love most and have lost are still present, just in a different way, because love still binds us together.

[KayC]

Yes, absolutely!