My parrot died today, I'm devastated

[hunibuni]

My 17 year old african grey died today. I can't stop crying and I feel empty and devastated. Everything was fine and suddenly 3 days ago around 5 AM she had a terrible night fright and fell in shock to the bottom of her cage and broke her feathers and was bleeding. As she was in terrible shock (fluffed feathers, a lot of sleeping, looking weak, uncooperative etc.), we arranged the vet to visit us at home and he gave her all the medication needed which she happily drank in her water. Although in shock and in pain, she did not refuse food and water and everything seemed getting better. Until today. In the morning she ate, she drank her antibiotics water and even walked around a little and was giving kisses and generally looked and behaved better than previous day. Everything seemed like it will soon get back to normal. And then I left her alone to do some errands and found her little lifeless body 2 hours later, just laying on her back with open eyes. I really can't stop thinking that I am the one to blame. I should have never left her alone. Is it possible that she felt more stress because I left her alone for 2 hours? How can a parrot look like it's getting a lot better then just die suddenly? If she had some internal injuries wouldn't she refuse food and water and start looking worse? I really don't understand it but all I think about is blaming myself. I feel heartbroken and hopeless, I've had her since I was a kid. I love her so much and so does my family. My mom cried so much and just seeing that scene of my mom carrying her little lifeless body and hugging and kissing her while crying literally broke my heart to pieces. I think I will never forgive myself for leaving her alone today. I love you birdie RIP.

[KayC]

I do not think you are to blame for any of this, it sounds like it's just something that happened, in spite of the good care you gave her.  Some things we cannot control.
I am so sorry for your loss.  I know how hard it is to lose a pet, it's very hard.
 

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.