Moderators Popular Post KayC Posted June 28, 2023 Moderators Popular Post Report Share Posted June 28, 2023 (On someone else's thread) https://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/topic/574-my-love-left-at-748-sat-night/?do=findComment&comment=1879 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sparky1 Posted June 28, 2023 Members Report Share Posted June 28, 2023 Beautiful post Kay, I'm wiping away the tears from my eyes. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 28, 2023 Author Moderators Report Share Posted June 28, 2023 Just remembering, I didn't start out 18 years later, I was in the depths of grief just like everyone else... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members I miss you so much Posted June 28, 2023 Members Report Share Posted June 28, 2023 You've made a long way, KayC, you've been so strong... When I saw the date of your post, I remembered what I was doing that day, (in fact, 10th July is a special date for me) and I I feel now nauseated and dizzy, I don't know how to explain, just being conscious of the time that have passed since then... So much time ...and you survive! You're a "survivalist" woman I can't imagine myself living all that "time" without him 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DMB Posted June 28, 2023 Members Report Share Posted June 28, 2023 Wow. So beautifully written. He was so young, and it's been a really long time. Hope you're together again before you hit 40 years, Kay. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 28, 2023 Author Moderators Report Share Posted June 28, 2023 You and me both, DMB. I miss you so much...time turned into more time, one day at a time, through everything. You don't think about it, it just happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RichS Posted June 29, 2023 Members Report Share Posted June 29, 2023 Beautifilly written, Kay. You summed up your lives together and the grief you were feeling at the time. As for heaven, I'm not an expert but this passage stands out for all of us who wonder about what the next life will be like: 1 Corinthians 2:9 9 But as it is written: “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,Nor have entered into the heart of manThe things which God has prepared for those who love Him.” 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 29, 2023 Author Moderators Report Share Posted June 29, 2023 One of my favorites! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Nancy2 Posted June 29, 2023 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted June 29, 2023 I'm at that part where you blame yourself and the doctors. I should have taken my husband to the right doctors sooner, but I trusted that the ones that we went to knew what they were talking about. Now I understand that humans make mistakes. We make mistakes and the doctors make mistakes. Unfortunately, the mistakes can be fatal for our loved ones. But me dwelling on it can't change anything, so I have to let it go. It's like somebody who gets in a fatal car accident. You wish they would have waited 10 minutes longer to leave or taken a different route, and they would have been still alive. But there's nothing you can do about it after it's done. It's awful anyway. 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RichS Posted June 30, 2023 Members Report Share Posted June 30, 2023 28 minutes ago, Nancy2 said: But me dwelling on it can't change anything, so I have to let it go. I've gone through this with my Mom and my wife. It does put added pressure on us. I finally concluded that I did the best I could that was "humanly possible." Sometimes in care taking we can make errors; but as long as they were errors in trying. Errors of indifference was NOT the case for you or I. We do the best that we can with the information we have to work with or the professional advice given to us. Hope this helps...................... 2 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 30, 2023 Author Moderators Report Share Posted June 30, 2023 44 minutes ago, Nancy2 said: But me dwelling on it can't change anything, so I have to let it go. Yes! 1,000%, that is what I did. I forgave the doctor and extracted a promise from him that it would never happen to anyone again under his watch. It is releasing to let go of it. It doesn't bring them back to hold onto it, it just poisons us. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted June 30, 2023 Members Report Share Posted June 30, 2023 On 6/28/2023 at 6:28 AM, KayC said: Just remembering, I didn't start out 18 years later, I was in the depths of grief just like everyone else... Exactly. Slowly moving forward doesn't mean I have forgotten anything about those first weeks, months, and even years. Though there are gaps and foggy spots, the things my heart and mind found most important, meaningful, and painful remain crystal clear. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 1, 2023 Author Moderators Report Share Posted July 1, 2023 Yesterday Jazzy jumped off the patio and landed on Kodie, he cried and cried, it's the first time that's happened. Later she bit him and his eye and nose were bleeding, I took him home. She was very aggressive yesterday. I think she was showing off and being the big buck because she had company over. Iris called to apologize. His eye is swollen, looks a lot like the other one did before surgery. It's the lower eyelid, breaks my heart. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members William M Posted July 1, 2023 Members Report Share Posted July 1, 2023 Kaye, Seems like you have just always been around, it is easy to forget that you were at day 1 once too. As you might remember. my wife was just 51 years young too. It was so unfair to her passing so young. I have spent a lot of time grieving for myself, but lately have been grieving for her as she was never able too. Almost like it's my duty to do it for her. Her death was sudden and she would have been shocked and horrified to learn she was about to lose her life. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shinka Posted July 1, 2023 Members Report Share Posted July 1, 2023 Beautiful posting Kay, it doesn't leave anything unsaid. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RichS Posted July 1, 2023 Members Report Share Posted July 1, 2023 2 hours ago, KayC said: Yesterday Jazzy jumped off the patio and landed on Kodie, he cried and cried, it's the first time that's happened. Later she bit him and his eye and nose were bleeding, I took him home. She was very aggressive yesterday. I think she was showing off and being the big buck because she had company over. Iris called to apologize. His eye is swollen, looks a lot like the other one did before surgery. It's the lower eyelid, breaks my heart. If I remember, Jazzy spends some of his time in a cage. When he gets out he acts crazy. Pent up frustration, I guess. Maybe he and Kodie need to put their "play dates" on hold until Jazzy calms down....................... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 1, 2023 Author Moderators Report Share Posted July 1, 2023 No, she was lose when we came, but I think it was because she had "family" staying with them overnight and got too big for her britches. 2 hours ago, William M said: my wife was just 51 years young too. It was so unfair to her passing so young. lately have been grieving for her as she was never able too I get this, trust me. We had no warning, it was shocking! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 2, 2023 Author Moderators Report Share Posted July 2, 2023 I read this today, so true! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RichS Posted July 2, 2023 Members Report Share Posted July 2, 2023 Yes, so true..............Today I reminded my son that grieving goes on for a lifetime; it will always be there, but it's less painful as the years go by. For some reason, going to church on Sunday is emotionally draining. It shouldn't be, but I can understand why I feel that way since Chris passed away. Glad that we made a mass for her in a few weeks. Attending that will be painful, but it's the right thing to do. I would be honored if she did it for me. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 2, 2023 Author Moderators Report Share Posted July 2, 2023 I wasn't able to make it today, had planned to, had my potluck dish made...I had my leash on, taking Kodie out to walk him beforehand...neighbor went by with his seven year old walking the dog that severely attacked Kodie when he was a baby! Highly irresponsible of him! No way could a seven year old stop a large dog from attacking if he wanted to, and judging from when we have to go by their house, he still wants to. I didn't see them come back the other way so we waited over an hour before going out. I wish you well with your mass! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RichS Posted July 2, 2023 Members Report Share Posted July 2, 2023 Kay---------you've got a lot of "bully dogs" in your neighborhood!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 2, 2023 Author Moderators Report Share Posted July 2, 2023 Yes. Kodie is one of the smallest except some Chihuahuas and they make so much noise no one would attack them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MariePaul Posted November 11, 2023 Members Report Share Posted November 11, 2023 On 6/28/2023 at 12:04 PM, KayC said: (On someone else's thread) https://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/topic/574-my-love-left-at-748-sat-night/?do=findComment&comment=1879 This is EXACTLY how I feel now. My husband was 57 and I too dread if I have to endure another 30-40 years before I’m with him again. Last night I was also worried that perhaps he wouldn’t want me anymore. This really resonates with me. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted November 11, 2023 Author Moderators Report Share Posted November 11, 2023 2 hours ago, MariePaul said: Last night I was also worried that perhaps he wouldn’t want me anymore. Please, don't go there. I know George would want me even though he hasn't aged like I have. We loved each other's insides first. I am reminded of my insecurity of my pregnancy belly, how embarrassed I was of it, yet on our wedding night, he kissed it. He did it to make me feel comfortable, to let me know how much he loves and accepts me as I am, so I know he'd acccept my flaking skin that started when I was 70 (71 now). He always looked at me through rose-colored glasses, I would tell him, "Don't ever lose those rose colored glasses, George!" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DWS Posted November 11, 2023 Members Report Share Posted November 11, 2023 4 hours ago, MariePaul said: This is EXACTLY how I feel now. My husband was 57 and I too dread if I have to endure another 30-40 years before I’m with him again. I imagine that your mind is swimming with so many thoughts and dreads right now. It is likely too difficult to focus on anything but as @KayC mentioned in another thread, eventually try to shift your thinking to one day at a time or, because you are so much in the initial days, perhaps just one hour at a time. It's the best way to cope right now because anything more invites anxiety and fear. The focus at this moment is your health and well-being....along with whatever papers and memorial planning that are required of you. What is important is drinking water, a bit of nourishment, some sleep, and breathing. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RichS Posted November 11, 2023 Members Report Share Posted November 11, 2023 Kay: Being married to Chris over the years I realized the importance of inner beauty. Inner beauty and outer beauty. She had both. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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