Terribly, Terribly Sad

[mariaw11]

This forum doesn’t look very active, but I’ll take anything I can get.

My brother passed due to a fentanyl overdose 3 months ago. We hadn’t spoken in 3 years due to his behavior towards me during his addiction, but prior to that he was my best friend. To top it off, I adopted his dog (Arty), who I had to euthanize due to cancer last weekend. I’m only 28, and no one around me has really had to deal with these things yet. I feel so alone. 

I felt like I was starting to get through it, but Arty’s passing has put me in a black hole. It brought up the raw edge of my grief. I took three days off of work this week and just slept the whole time. I know I’ll get through this, but it’s hard to see how right now. 

I regret not making up with my brother. He caused me immense pain and stress during his addiction, but I never got the chance to know who he was afterwards. I always thought there’d be a chance to make up with him, when we were both ready. Arty was the last link I had to him, and his death really drove home the finality of death. I’ll never see either of them again, and I don’t know how to deal with it.

If anyone is out there reading this, could you share your experience with grieving? I just don’t want to feel so alone.

[KayC]

I don't think it out of line at all for you to take a break from his drug use, and looking where it ended, you were so right, but it's just as understandable that you miss him.  I am so sorry about your loss of Arty as well...I lost my dog Arlie to cancer in August 2019, and I lost my sister Peggy in March 2022.  I am so sorry, the finality hits us, I think I was in shock at least the first month after losing my closest sister.  Losing Arlie was as hard hitting as losing my husband 18 years ago, my soulmate in a dog, my constant companion...I don't think we're ever ready no matter how or when it happens. 

 

[mariaw11]

7 minutes ago, KayC said:

I don't think it out of line at all for you to take a break from his drug use, and looking where it ended, you were so right, but it's just as understandable that you miss him.  I am so sorry about your loss of Arty as well...I lost my dog Arlie to cancer in August 2019, and I lost my sister Peggy in March 2022.  I am so sorry, the finality hits us, I think I was in shock at least the first month after losing my closest sister.  Losing Arlie was as hard hitting as losing my husband 18 years ago, my soulmate in a dog, my constant companion...I don't think we're ever ready no matter how or when it happens. 

 

thank you for sharing. this was my first experience having to euthanize a pet, and nothing could’ve prepared me for it. 

I was initially really devastated and constantly crying after my brother died, but I thought I was feeling better after a few weeks. Now that Arty passed, I realize I was just shutting out the pain because it was so overwhelming. It’s hard to talk about with my friends because they have no idea what it’s like.

[KayC]

That's the hard part about being young, I'm 70 and everyone my age has been touched by death.  I was when I was young I lost my dad, my nephew, and my niece, all separately from age 14-29, but none of my friends had been touched by it. I also lost my dog when I was 20, had had him 15 years but my parents didn't let me take him when I left home, they didn't tell me they put him to sleep until afterwards, it hit me hard, I never got to say goodbye, they just did it because he was old, to me not a reason, I'd have gladly taken him in.

Maybe if you found a grief support group it'd help. I had one going here, before Covid, it helps to talk with others that get it.
Sibling Loss: When Grief Goes Unacknowledged
Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

[mariaw11]

 I’m so sorry for your losses. Knowing what I know now (though I won’t claim to understand the loss of a parent), you must have went through a lot. I appreciate you sharing. It sounds silly since of course others have made it through this, but it’s comforting to hear it first-hand. Your story is inspiring at a time when I feel so lost. I hope that phrasing isn’t insensitive, I feel like even though I’m going through it, I still don’t have the right words to express my sympathy.  

Thank you for sharing those links. I will read through them.

[KayC]

No it's not silly at all.  Feelings are just feelings, sometimes hard to contend with, but very really.  If anything I hope to portray, it's validation of your feelings.  

[LeAnn Classen]

My brother passed last month, alcoholism. I'm so sorry.