Mothers Day

[CandyM]

If you have ever wondered if the pain of losing a child is equal to thehappiness of becoming a mother, you are wrong. Add to that happiness, the joyof seeing your child take their first step, speak their first word. Add to thatthe ecstasy of watching them soar on the wings of dreams, love and success. Addto that the secret satisfaction of being your children confidante, of beingable to share that first heartbreak. The sleepless nights, Add to that thememories of the hard times, the drama, but most of all, the laughter. And no,you cannot compare anything in this world to the pain of loosing a child. Thefear of not seeing them grow old, mature and begin their own life. The pain ofnot being able to hear their voice, see them make mistakes, not being able tohear them call you Mom.

The pain of losing a child is equal to the fear and theworry of yet losing another. I am learning how to educate myself by readingabout other people's experiences and by speaking to people with a higherunderstand of the power of faith. I am grasping, for anythingand everything that can bring back the sanity I need to continueliving a life remotely similar to the one I always have known. I need hope thatthings are going to be ok, hope that I will begin to make some sense of thefear of this new life ahead of me. Weirdly enough, I had not, have not and hopenever will have question on why, or why me or why us. That is when my faithplays a song that carries me on with an unbelievable strength.

These past six months have been indescribable. Moments of anger anddespair. Times when I felt that G-d had was playing a prank on me, just to lookaround and see the cruel reality of not having Yaara with us. At the same time,seeing Ben grow with the pain of loosing his best friend and confidant. She,the one he looked to grow old with. Seeing his pain is just as hard as nothaving her here. Seeing him forced into a place where he needed to learn todeal with such heartache, hurts so much, but yet, helps me heal and grow withinthis pain I am going through every second of my day. I am either missing her,or aching to see him happy again.

It is Mothers day tomorrow. My gift is the wonderful son I am blessedwith. It is to know that Yaara's death is a part of my story, and that I mustcontinue writing in the book of life.

It is to know that my children have connected and will be together for always. It is tobe certain that while short, her book left a message to many. A message oflove, laughter and of freedom.

To all of you mothers, take a moment and appreciate your gifts. Liveevery moment with your child as it was the last. Love, embrace and be proud ofthem. Make sure they know you love and acceptance is unconditional. Be proud ofthem for the beautiful beings they are.

[aim630]

Candy-I am so sorry you have a reason to be here, but I am glad you found us. This website literally saved my life after I lost my 23 yr old daughter to complications of pneumonia and H1N1 2 years and 3 months ago. Most of us post on the Loss of Adult Child board. This first Mother's Day without Yaara had to be very difficult, but you are right to remember that your daughter was a wonderful part of your life, although her time here was way to short.All of us here have felt the same things you are feeling now: fear, shock, disbelief, questioning God. We may not have the answers,but we understand.

I have a 19 yr old daughter who is missing her big sister. She doesn't say much, but I read what she's written on Facebook and Twitter. I kept going at first mainly for her sake, but after 2 years, I've started to live again for my own sake. I will never stop missing Ashley, and ache daily because she is not here, but I know she would want me to be happy.

Come to the Loss of Adult Child board, and tell us more about your daughter.

Amy/Ashley's mom