When did you all go back to work?

[cowsaregreat]

My situation is a little different because my husband was abusive. He was very mentally ill. It's been 8 months since he passed and I still can't look at photos of him. I've been diagnosed with PTSD and have a lot of anxiety and trauma around it. I've been putting off going back to work because I'm terrified of breaking down in front of a client or having a panic attack. I know there's no set time for grief, but when did you all feel ready to return to working?

[KayC]

I went back two weeks after he died out of necessity, but had a very supportive work environment. Unfortunately it was during the Bush administration and he cut all contracts with military airplane parts, which did our business in that year so I was out of work and worried about losing my home, an added stress I didn't need that first year.

I strongly encourage you to see a good counselor that can help you with the trauma, I went through so much before George, a physically and emotionally abusive marriage, then a cold loveless marriage by a controller for 23 years.  My mom was also extremely abusive and controlling and it took until my mid-40s to get through this first half of my life.  LOTS of counseling and it helped me tremendously.  If you can't afford it, you can go to a CASA counselor as it's income based.

[DMB]

I went back to work as soon as I could.  There were covid restrictions and both my daughter (a teacher) and I worked from home starting in March 2022.  It was nice to be with husband 24/7 for those 3 months.  Shortly after he passed the restrictions were lifted in June I went right back.  I would have gone insane being alone and working from home any longer.  We are still allowed to do remote for when work/life balance is needed.  I don't mind doing it once in a while, like when my car is in the shop for service, and having had covid I was able to work from home since I had a mild case.  

[widower2]

I was unemployed at the time and found a job about 6 months afterwards....I was "OK" but there were a few times where it would just hit me and I'd go duck into an unused bathroom or conference room to regroup. 

[cowsaregreat]

10 hours ago, KayC said:

I went back two weeks after he died out of necessity, but had a very supportive work environment. Unfortunately it was during the Bush administration and he cut all contracts with military airplane parts, which did our business in that year so I was out of work and worried about losing my home, an added stress I didn't need that first year.

I strongly encourage you to see a good counselor that can help you with the trauma, I went through so much before George, a physically and emotionally abusive marriage, then a cold loveless marriage by a controller for 23 years.  My mom was also extremely abusive and controlling and it took until my mid-40s to get through this first half of my life.  LOTS of counseling and it helped me tremendously.  If you can't afford it, you can go to a CASA counselor as it's income based.

I'm seeing a therapist and have been since before I left him. I'm in Australia, but I still see my therapist from Canada where I was living at the time. It's helping a lot. I'm worried I won't cope at work and that it'll add to my anxiety and panic attacks. I really don't know what to do.

1 hour ago, widower2 said:

I was unemployed at the time and found a job about 6 months afterwards....I was "OK" but there were a few times where it would just hit me and I'd go duck into an unused bathroom or conference room to regroup. 

This is what I'm worried about. I'm having trouble sleeping and getting flashbacks etc so I don't know how I'll go having to work.

[shawnt]

I have very little ambition and if I didn't allow my office manager to schedule my days I would not work at all. However once I am working with people and solving their problems and get immersed in the work I feel much better. I would give it a try on a temp basis and if it is to soon you will know and give yourself more time. That's my thoughts for what their worth.

[widower2]

3 hours ago, behindthedunes said:

I'm seeing a therapist and have been since before I left him. I'm in Australia, but I still see my therapist from Canada where I was living at the time. It's helping a lot. I'm worried I won't cope at work and that it'll add to my anxiety and panic attacks. I really don't know what to do.

This is what I'm worried about. I'm having trouble sleeping and getting flashbacks etc so I don't know how I'll go having to work.

Forgive the cliche but day at a time. If you're at work and feel a "spell" coming on, do like I did if you can and duck out somewhere to regroup. If you need an excuse, say you forgot something in your car or don't feel well or having a migraine attack or something (the job I was in at the time thought I had migraines when in fact knock on wood I've never had one in my life). 

[KayC]

12 hours ago, widower2 said:

I'd go duck into an unused bathroom or conference room to regroup. 

I had to do this at my job when I went back, everyone understood, fortunately the bathroom was right between my office and my boss' office.  I was outt of work then for 5 1/2 months and when I got a job, that wasn't possible, it was filled with young employees that had no clue and could care less.  I missed my old boss and employees.  And the one bathroom was clear across the building and my car right in front of the building, everyone had a window view of it..

11 hours ago, shawnt said:

I would give it a try on a temp basis and if it is to soon you will know and give yourself more time.

Good advice.

[widower2]

17 hours ago, KayC said:

I had to do this at my job when I went back, everyone understood

It's good that you had that understanding. Nobody at any place I worked since ever knew (I was unemployed when she passed).  In fact almost no one except my family back home and close friends back home to this day knows. Doesn't exactly come up in conversation (!) - but oddly I was at a winery the other day and sitting with some people I didn't know and it unexpectedly came up...I mentioned it but didn't feel that old familiar pain when I did (and quickly moved on in conversation). I think eventually your skin gets thick enough to be able to do that.

[KayC]

True, but my job soon ended, I barely got another (had long commute) before my unemployment ran out and that place was awful, no understanding, no brains, not even paid on time.

I'm sorry you went through that in the early time especially.  So hard!

[widower2]

RIght back at you.   ugh I hate corporate America.

[MichiganDaniel]

I had a week off. Then I worked from home half days for a week. The third week I started going into the office every day, after years of lockdown and the remote work routine. I did this intentionally to start a new habit, and because it would have been to difficult to work at home without her there. Luckily there is a private “prayer room” at the office woth a lock. In the first few weeks I used it as a cry room when the anxiety was too much. I don’t need the room anymore. Going back to work was easy compared to the emptiness in the house on the weekends.