Members Popular Post jash Posted June 18, 2023 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted June 18, 2023 I lost the love that I thought will last forever. I lost him to death in an accident. It was 4&1/2 years of relationship that too LDR. We were high school sweethearts...his death is the unbearable incident in my life ... meanwhile got to know about cheating he was cheating on me for past 2 years. He lied to me about his alcoholism,smoking,drugs....and I had no idea about any of these when he was alive.some days I m fine some days I just wish he would be alive ... And few days I feel so insecure about myself why did he cheat on me .... Sometimes I cry alot ... nd others days I can't...I m not able deal with my grief 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 18, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted June 18, 2023 I am so sorry for all you are going through. You didn't deserve to be cheated on or lied to. You deserved the same love back that you gave. Please don't take any of this upon yourself or internalize it! You will mourn him, miss him, cherish the good there was in the relationship...and you will want to beat your fists on his chests and wish you could yell at him about the bad parts...and all of this is normal for the circumstances...but nothing FEELS normal right now, when your whole world is turned upside down. Welcome to our group, this is like a grief family, come together from all over, different continents, voicing our feelings, caring about each other. We want to be here for you if you'll let us. My heart goes out to you. I can't say when as we're all unique, but you will feel better someday than you do today although I doubt any of us are ever completely better and we don't "get over it." It helps to read and post here and know you are not alone...it helps us process our grief. Grief Process This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference! I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road. TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this. I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey. Take one day at a time. The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew. It can be challenging enough just to tackle today. I tell myself, I only have to get through today. Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again. To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety. Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves. The intensity lessens eventually. Visit your doctor. Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks. They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief. Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief. If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline. I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived. Back to taking a day at a time. Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808 Give yourself permission to smile. It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still. Try not to isolate too much. There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself. We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it! Some people set aside time every day to grieve. I didn't have to, it searched and found me! Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever. That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care. You'll need it more than ever. Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is. We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc. They have not only the knowledge, but the resources. In time, consider a grief support group. If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". Be patient, give yourself time. There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc. They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it. It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters. Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time. That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse. Finally, they were up to stay. Consider a pet. Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely. It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him. Besides, they're known to relieve stress. Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage. Make yourself get out now and then. You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now. That's normal. Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then. Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first. You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it. If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot. Keep coming here. We've been through it and we're all going through this together. Look for joy in every day. It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T. It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully. You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it. It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it. Eventually consider volunteering. It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win. (((hugs))) Praying for you today. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RichS Posted June 20, 2023 Members Report Share Posted June 20, 2023 Jash: Welcome to this board. We are all sorry to hear of your loss and the news that followed. The folks on this board offer sympathy, comfort and helpful advice. Please continue to post here. It’s a great coping tool. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members I miss you so much Posted June 20, 2023 Members Report Share Posted June 20, 2023 Hi Jash, I understand you so much. Broken between the pain of having lost him and the anger of discovering a side of him you didn't expect. And he's not here to talk about that... You're alone to cope with all these feelings, it's very disturbing. My story has some similar points. Sometimes, I feel mad at him. At some other times, I wish if only he was here again, we could talk about that and have the chance to overcome it. Other times, I think it's all my fault, I was selfish...There are times in which I think : no, it was his fault, how he could ...? Why has he...?... But then, again, I realize it doesn't matter in the end, because our good times are stronger than the bad ones, and I really really love him. If I could only wake up tomorrow and all this has only been a nightmare to make me learn and do things better... You are very young and this will be a painful experience for your life. I know it's hard. I send you a big hug 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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