Members WithoutHer Posted June 17, 2023 Members Report Share Posted June 17, 2023 I'm not doing well at all. It's another Saturday taking it's toll on me. We all have our pain we share but each of us deal with it individually and many here like me do it all alone. I've heard and read all the advice and I'm actually sick and tired of it. Words do nothing to reduce the depth of the pain I feel losing Vickie and every Saturday it hits and hurts just as bad. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 17, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted June 17, 2023 I'm sorry. No advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WithoutHer Posted June 17, 2023 Author Members Report Share Posted June 17, 2023 17 minutes ago, KayC said: I'm sorry. No advice. I'm just inside out today and missing her so much. 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Dawn Wms Posted June 17, 2023 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted June 17, 2023 I understand. The weekends are hard. So empty. I know what you mean about reading about it. I have a whole library now on grief and it doesn't change the reality. Nothing can. It just hurts really bad and we have nothing to do but endure it. I can't offer anything that will make it better, but my heart goes out to you. I understand your pain. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WithoutHer Posted June 17, 2023 Author Members Report Share Posted June 17, 2023 @Dawn WmsFor many it's weekends but I'm retired and everyday is a weekend. My issue has been Saturdays because she passed on a Saturday just over 4 months ago and the day is like a weekly anniversary to me and my mind and heart haven't learned to cope with it. I haven't had one day without tears but Saturdays are always the worst day for me. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dawn Wms Posted June 17, 2023 Members Report Share Posted June 17, 2023 I see. My husband also passed on a Saturday. I am so sorry for your loss. It has been over three years for me but I still struggle. It's just really hard and there is no getting around that. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WithoutHer Posted June 17, 2023 Author Members Report Share Posted June 17, 2023 Before I retired Saturday was our day out together. I retired the month the pandemic started so it worked out for us being together every day but we didn't get out much then. The memories of Saturdays now good and bad all hurt deeply. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DWS Posted June 18, 2023 Members Report Share Posted June 18, 2023 18 hours ago, Dawn Wms said: I have a whole library now on grief and it doesn't change the reality. Nothing can. Oh how this resonates. I look at all of that reading and researching as my essential survival tools to try to calm my endlessly troubled mind...eventually coming to the conclusion that nothing was a full-proof solution to grief. Understanding the grief=love paradigm is likely the greatest revelation and truest answer to gaining some level of peace with loss although that paradigm can also bring with it frustration and a feeling of defeat too. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sparky1 Posted June 18, 2023 Members Report Share Posted June 18, 2023 15 hours ago, Dawn Wms said: My husband also passed on a Saturday. What is with Saturday? My dad first passed on a Saturday, then my mom passed on a Saturday, and finally my wife passed on a Saturday. I wouldn't doubt it if I go on a Saturday too. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 18, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted June 18, 2023 9 hours ago, DWS said: Understanding the grief=love paradigm I agree. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Racecarkitten Posted June 19, 2023 Members Report Share Posted June 19, 2023 No advice to offer. Just empathy and understanding. Praying for some easier moments for all of us. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WithoutHer Posted June 19, 2023 Author Members Report Share Posted June 19, 2023 27 minutes ago, Racecarkitten said: No advice to offer. Just empathy and understanding. Praying for some easier moments for all of us. I would like to just be able to remember and talk about her without the tears. I can't even think about her without them. She was the one in a lifetime meeting miracle of my life and I hers. No two people were ever meant to be together more. It's so hard even her daughter knows the happiness her mom had with our relationship. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 19, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted June 19, 2023 10 hours ago, WithoutHer said: No two people were ever meant to be together more. I understand, it's how I felt with us, that it was fated, and I'd never believed or thought about fate before, it was meeting and marrying him that did it... 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MichiganDaniel Posted July 1, 2023 Members Report Share Posted July 1, 2023 I’m in another Saturday right now, and It’s a holiday weekend here, so I don’t go back to work until Wednesday. I had a huge meltdown in the car two days ago. I thought I was over those, but this was a bad one. I don’t ever want to do that again. Four months after, I’m still adjusting. Maybe the grief was fighting back at my attempts at acceptance. I don’t know. Most of the time I just wish I could do things with someone else. I’m lonely and I have no idea if that can ever change, and that’s scary. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 1, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted July 1, 2023 I remember having to pull over because I was crying so hard...those long commutes are tough when grieving. Be safe. To have others in our lives, we must involve ourselves in groups: bird watching, volunteering at a shelter, food pantry, golfing, whatever the activity, it gets us around others and that all helps! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WithoutHer Posted July 7, 2023 Author Members Report Share Posted July 7, 2023 @Sim7079Thank you for the words of support. This month will be triple whammies for me. Each Saturday still hurts, the 11th will be the 5 month mark of Vickie's passing and the 20th would have been her 62nd birthday. And as I said I am going through this alone except for our two cats and one dog to care. I have no remaining family or friends for support. I do have 1 friend who is a retired nurse who befriended Vickie and I while delivering groceries part time for extra money but she has a very busy schedule caring for her husband and all the volunteer work she does. But I only have contact with her once about every week and a half. This is not only a hard road for me it's also a very lonely and alone one. I know all the advice and discussions of grief support groups but their structure and methods are not for me. This place is the best I have for now to express myself and share others experiences. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Popular Post KayC Posted July 8, 2023 Moderators Popular Post Report Share Posted July 8, 2023 I remember how hard weekends were, Friday night on as I was still working then so that marked the start of "our time" together. Thinking of you all with another Saturday... 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post DWS Posted July 8, 2023 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted July 8, 2023 12 hours ago, WithoutHer said: I know all the advice and discussions of grief support groups but their structure and methods are not for me. That nicely describes how I've felt throughout this grief journey. It's been devastating enough having to accept, process and deal with the unprecedented loss of my partner but then to be bombarded with all of the advice, suggestions and wisdoms of how to best traverse through these rough waters eventually gets so tedious and unwanted. Things like "start a new hobby", "do yoga", "join a group", "take an art class", so on and so on....these may work for some but they weren't of any interest to me before this damn tragedy happened. I really don't need the added pressure of trying one of these good-intentioned suggestions right now. I know myself and going out of my comfort zone during this time isn't helpful whatsoever. I have to wonder if one of the rare positives of grief is getting us more in tune to ourselves and strengthening our commitment to that. To thine own self be true seems like one of the best ways to deal with the loss of our life companion... the only person outside of ourselves who was in tune to who we are. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post shawnt Posted July 8, 2023 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted July 8, 2023 Another Saturday , alone. I do wake up with ambition, I can do anything I want. Then I slowly reject or become apathetic about any idea. All I really want is gone and nothing feels right with the world. I need something to look forward to.but I can't find it . 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 8, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted July 8, 2023 For sure not all grief support groups are the same! I loved the one I had! Of course I was in charge...but I made everyone feel welcome and comfortable, they could share, or not, we sometimes went to lunch together afterwards (small town), we had materials but was flexible also. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WithoutHer Posted July 8, 2023 Author Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2023 5 hours ago, shawnt said: All I really want is gone and nothing feels right with the world. I need something to look forward to.but I can't find it @shawntI feel exactly the same and other than here have no place to express those feelings. I like you desperately need something look forward to. The meds I've been put on have helped stop the crying spells from triggers but my nerves and emotions still get so wound up my mind and body can't feel a moment of being relaxed. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted July 10, 2023 Members Report Share Posted July 10, 2023 One of the things about this forum that was helpful to me was to read that others were struggling as miserably as I was struggling. I was not crazy. I was not losing my mind. I was not alone. Others were as crippled by grief as I was. Others were experiencing unbearable pain. In early grief, it was impossible for me to consider joining a new group, developing a hobby, or whatever. Many days, I could not see the point in getting out of bed, showering or engaging in life at all. There was no point. There were times the pain in my head or in my chest or both, was so intense I thought I would surely die. It was all I could do to breathe through the pain, waiting to die. But then it would pass and I wouldn't be dead - much to my dismay. For me it was several years later that I began to consciously try to re-engage in life by trying new things. Each of us is on our own time line. There is no schedule that at 3 months you do this and at 6 months you do that. We each do what we can do, when we can do it. To your own self be true is sort of a fundamental law of grief. You can't really force yourself to do things you are not ready to do. (At least that is how it felt to me.) I read how so many of you are suffering, missing your life-partner, lost without them, unable to see any way or point to trying to live without them. I remember that horrible hopelessness so well. I am truly sorry for what you are going through. The only hope I can give you is my experience that it does not stay this terrible forever. My life is really okay now, six and a half years later. My life will never be as good as it was with my love, but it is generally good, sometimes joyful. Sending you all strength to get through the terrible Saturdays, anniversaries, long nights, lonely mornings, waves of crying, bouts of unbearable pain. Family and friends don't have a clue how terrible this is, but we get it. Keep sharing your stories. It helps you to be heard and it helps others to know they are not alone. Gail 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shawnt Posted July 10, 2023 Members Report Share Posted July 10, 2023 Thank you for the hope 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 15, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted July 15, 2023 Thinking of you all today and wondering how you're doing! 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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