My first support group meeting.

[LMR]

Today I went to my first support group meeting. I've been trying to find one for months, they broke away from the main charity and moved locations and don't have a web site so it's been hard to track them down.

What should you expect from grief support? I didn't know, but somehow expected something more, something structured. This was just a social get together for lonely people. As most of us are aware it's easy enough to be lonely in a crowd of people. Nice as the people were, lunches and days out is not what I needed. I'm not exactly lonely, I have family, but I am dying inside.

Was I expecting too much?

[KayC]

No, I would have been disappointed too, I am sorry that's all it turned out to be.  Most of them have material, you discuss things, but it's not mandatory for everyone to talk.  Have you tried griefshare?

[widower2]

Sounds like they weren't clear enough on the format of the group. For some, "grief support" just means social gatherings with people who've gone through something similar so it's a "safe" environment (I'm in a Widower meetup.com group like that), but it can also mean something more like what I think you're looking for, where people talk about their grief etc. Keep looking! I think you can find something. 

[Sheilz]

I haven't ventured out to any in-person support groups because I'm just strong enough to push myself to leave the house.  I know, pretty sad.  But I tried 2 virtual groups for people that have lost their partners.  One, the format is a speaker (each week is a new topic on grief) and then there is question & answers among the group.  There is about 25-30 people on that one.  So you don't have to talk if you don't want to.  The second one I went to is a small group of only 6-7 people.  And we each tell how the week went and where were are at the moment with the emotions & our grief.  It's pretty sad with all of us crying but it helps.  I plan to continue those until I venture out.

I've heard nothing but good things on GreifShare.org.  There is one starting in August about 13 miles from me and I hope to be a little more stable because I want to join that one.  

[KayC]

I have never heard of one with no material, just get togethers. I would not call it a grief support group. Just a get together for lonely people.

[shawnt]

I have started in 2 groups(3 if you count this site) . One is formal; run by a different  speaker each week. They give some knowledge and info and then some discussion, I take something away almost every time. We have Drs, preachers, psychiatrist and grief counsellor.

The other is more informal and is generally a talk session amongst the group.  You can tell that this may be the only place some people have to share their pain and I think that is the point, to lesson the loneliness and encourage socializing. I don't get as much from this one but it does give me a sense that grief is a path walked by many .

I am trying to learn a way to live with this enormous sadness and all of these people  can give me a clue(or not).

Most people appear to have moved on with their lives because they have moved on, that is life, it continues on(like it or not). We are stuck because the hole left is huge but I think it is an illusion to think life isn't moving on, it is ; but we continue on crippled and damaged .

[Sheilz]

2 hours ago, shawnt said:

You can tell that this may be the only place some people have to share their pain and I think that is the point, to lesson the loneliness and encourage socializing.

That is something that I need at times because no one that I know has ever had a tremendous loss of this sort.  So I need to hear their pain & I need to be able to talk about mine............ without someone calling in a  wellness check on me or telling me to "suck it up & move along".   Brian always told me to take what you need from talks & leave the rest behind.  That's what I'm trying.  

 

2 hours ago, shawnt said:

I think it is an illusion to think life isn't moving on, it is ; but we continue on crippled and damaged .

Isn't that a fact.... feeling crippled & damaged.  I feel as if everyone has moved on with their lives but my life has stopped.  

[KayC]

I understand what she means, it's like everything came to a crashing halt the day they died and we're left figuring out what to do with it.

[Nancy2]

I went to one support group, and three people were there.  I liked it, but then I went again, and I was the only one who showed up.  It seems to be very hard to find grief support groups where I am, and even harder to find one for widows and widowers.  One place I called said that they used to have one, but not enough people turned up.  I don't understand why people don't want to go to those groups.  I find them very helpful.  Griefshare doesn't start again near me until September.  I don't like that it is so religious, but I'm going to try it anyway because there are very few options out there.

[KayC]

I would hope they wouldn't dominate with religion...I'm a Christian but I think a grief support group's thrust should be towards helping the grieving, regardless of where the meeting is held. A brief prayer before starting and maybe a scripture thrown in should be enough...imo.

[shawnt]

I spoke with one of the counsellors and he said trying to organise a grief group is like trying to herd cats . I know how hard it was for me to commit and actually go. Put a group of us together on any given day and I will bet more than half are having a tough day and just can't do it.