Father's Day ...

[SadShan]

My dad passed away two years ago (I was 50) and I'm really struggling with the upcoming Father's Day.  It's just so difficult to see all the advertisements, etc.  I received the news while I was working at home; my brother's wife called me and said "I'm so sorry to have to tell you ..." and I knew, I just knew that Dad had died.  He was never a very talkative man, but in the seven years before he died he started talking less and less - probably because he knew that he was getting harder to understand and he had to keep repeating himself.  It was so hard to see him struggling; he couldn't walk very well, he slurred his words, and my Mom thought he was developing dementia.  He was always so strong, there was nothing he couldn't do or fix.  Then he couldn't do anything.  I don't know why, but it really hit home when he couldn't drive anymore.  My Dad was a garbage man for 17 years.  He always drove and then all of a sudden he couldn't.  I cannot remember the last time (if ever) that he said he loved me.  He was just not that kind of person.  I knew, but he was definitely of that generation that didn't show their feelings.

I was glad, though, that my Mom was with him when he died, but I'm still angry that I wasn't there (but only one person was allowed in).  My Mom helped him get into bed after having lunch, and he just died.  There was no warning.  He was in the hospital during COVID, but apparently, he didn't die of COVID.  We will never know what he died of, although he did have pneumonia.  The hospital personnel had no idea he was going to die, which is why they never called my brother or me to come (they did allow people to come in if their relative was going to die).  I wanted an autopsy, but my Mom did not.  I hoped that they would have been able to figure out in death what illness he had, but that was not to be.  

I struggle at the best of times with depression and it hasn't been easy dealing with his death - even two years on.  Every time I go to see my Mom, I expect to see him there.  I feel so jumbled.  I have a hard time working still and I feel like a freaking drama queen half the time.  It's especially hard because there's so much crap going on in the world these days.  Some days I just can't stand it and I think to myself "Dad got out when the getting was good."  At the very least, he didn't have to see what this province is becoming.

Thanks for listening.

S.

 

[KayC]

I understand, I feel the same about Father's Day...I lost my husband on Father's Day 18 years ago, he'd just turned 51, also unexpected.  (((hugs)))

7 hours ago, SadShan said:

"Dad got out when the getting was good." 

I've had that same thought...