Transitions and Living Without

[TAM1]

With any loss, be it through death, divorce, estrangement of any kind the adjustment takes so much out of a person’s life, energy and resources.  For myself it’s been the realization of the loss of someone, things, and a life gone missing. Six ½ years later it’s not that the losses have dulled (and there have been many), but there is knowing and accepting these people and things are not there and never will be. After loss one’s life is shaken for it seems a very long time and one seeks various modalities to ease the pain and move along to a different life. For a time it’s living a life “without” – without the person(s) and what we enjoyed, appreciated and loved. The life of “living without” buffers one from the harshness of loss and there are no rules and no time-frames with regard to handling our griefs. No amount of therapy can make the loss right or “heal the split” and the sadness and madness that loss brings into our lives.

I am alone, have lived alone for almost 6 ½ years whereas the prior 60 years there was always someone there, growing up with family, my son, then Len, then just Missy (my Golden retriever) and then just myself in August 2018. Being alone, living alone, has meant learning to like my life as it is now, and to like myself as I am now, and no one can do that for another person.

[Roxeanne]

11 hours ago, TAM1 said:

but there is knowing and accepting these people and things are not there and never will be.

It's a great accomplishement TAM1!

Something i'm still struggle with...

 

[KayC]

I was thinking about that yesterday, you're one ahead of me...that of giving up the home that you love and living in an apt. where you have to deal with things a homeowner doesn't.  I know that's hard and I can't imagine...so I continue to struggle to maintain my place even with the hardship it sometimes presents.  I guess you know you're a favorite of mine and I look up to you and admire you, you have accomplished a lot!

[Gail 8588]

Griefsucks810,

I love the fierce determination I hear in your words.  I felt that fierce determination when I finally made myself change how I was existing. My emotionally detached zombie existence  was killing me. I was either  going to change or die because I could not go on living as I had been.

Keep striving to create a better life for yourself.  You can make it back to a life that has some happiness again.

[TAM1]

Why? Because it is home and when all is said and done, all of the hard work, it is home - a place of safe harbor for body, mind, soul, pets, things we have cherished for a long time.  Even with the various struggles and hardships, it's home. 

[TAM1]

No troubles - I think there was confusion. After Len passed I had the responsibility of probating his estate, selling our home, a huge lot of work that eventually settled.  I live in an apartment now, up in the foothills here.