I love you so much Scrunchie!! I want to die now that you`re gone :( :(

[Joe S]

I`m new here, so please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Joe, soon to be 59 years old on 6-30-2023, and I`m from Western North Carolina. I`ve seen so many heart felt posts here from people that have lost their pets, with so much kindness, and thoughtfulness, with replies.  My beloved Tabby Cat Scrunchie, passed away at just nine years old on 4-25-2023 at approximately  2:45 pm, right after my last break from work was over. I work remotely, and after my last break, I heard Scrunchie scream!! His cat bed, which is right in back of my computer chair, is where I heard him yell.  I thought maybe his claws got stuck in his cat bed that I bought him for Christmas, and rushed right over to him! That wasn`t the problem. I opened his mouth to see if something was stuck inside his throat to clear it out. The I realized he had passed away.

I started yelling and screaming, and at the same time had to type to my supervisor what had just happened. My supervisor called me, could tell I was hyperventilating, and said "Joe, please try and take some deep breaths for me, promise me you will do that" I did as she suggested, but was still a terrible mess and screaming like a five year old. I told my supervisor in my state of shock, that I don`t deserve to live anymore. I also kept shouting why, why, why?!?!  She told me how sorry she was, and eventually we got off the phone.

I looked up, and Told God I hate him, and that I`m not praying to you anymore!  Before Scrunchie passed, I always prayed to God with thanks giving, and for bringing Scrunchie into my life, and how deeply I love him. There were quite a few times I held Scrunchie in my arms, as I prayed. I cried, and cried, and cried buckets of tears. That has not stopped since Scrunchie passed away. It`s worse, when the sun comes out in the morning, because t shines right over his cat perch mounted on the window sill. Than at that time the tears flow uncontrollably, and persist throughout the day.. I eventually apologized to God for the mean things I said to him, but still feel angry that he took my beloved Scrunchie away from me.

Scrunchie and I were joined at the hip, I used to think of the song Me and my shadow, because he followed me everywhere. He would wake me up in the morning with gentle kisses on my eyelids. When I`m on my computer, he came between my chair, and reached out with his paw, for me to pick him up and hug and kiss him. 

I`ve called my Doctor, consulted my Pastor, and had a friend come to see me. Even that wasn`t enough. Back on 7-2-2021, I was in a horrible car accident, that landed me in the hospital for a month. I suffered 7 broken ribs, which caused pneumonia. I had a fractured knee, that gave way to sepsis.  Even then, I was more concerned about Scrunchie then my own well being. The pain I`m feeling deep inside my heart and soul, exceeds the car accident I was in. 

Yes, I have had suicidal thoughts. I`ve often thought about how people on death row, get a last meal. I thought of the same thing, and wanting to end it all. Each and every passing the day, the pain grows, and grows. I don`t know how much more I can take. I had my little boy cremated, and ordered cremation jewelry, that I can place some of his ashes in. It`s the shape of a heart, with an angel wing attached. It says on the heart "If love could have saved you, you never would have died" 

I am dead inside, through and through. I pray that when I go to sleep, that I will wake up in eternity to be with Scrunchie. I live alone, and this house has become a barren wasteland with out my little boy.  Each day I wake up, the horror show begins, and I relive every moment of losing my Scrunchie. My Birthday as I mentioned, is on June 30th. That`s also the day Scrunchie came into my life 9 years ago. It`s going to hurt like the deepest depths of hell on that day. I`ve asked God over and over the why`s, why did you punish me? What did I do to deserve the worst anguish I have ever experienced. I asked God to revive Scrunchie when he passed. 

Thank you all for listening to my grief, and deepest sadness and sorrow. I would like to close with  two quotes by Jimi Hendrix..

"The story of life is quicker then the blink of an eye. The story of Love, is hello and goodbye, until we meet again."

 

"The morning is dead
And the day is, too
There's nothing left here to meet me
But the velvet moon
All my loneliness I have felt today
It's like a little more than enough
To make a man throw himself away
And I continue
To burn the midnight lamp

Alone"

 

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss, I know it to be one of the hardest losses there are.  They love us unconditionally, are loving, loyal, and forgiving.  They are our constant companions! We interact with them daily.  It leaves a huge void in our lives, my heart goes out to you.

I will tell you the same thing I told someone else this morning...we are mad at the wrong person when we are mad at God.  His heart breaks for our losses.  He is not in charge of this, Satan is, but there will come a day when God reins him in and God will forever reign...do you want to reunite with Scrunchie?

Pets go to heaven

Sometimes it's hard to pray when our loss is so great, God gets it and will carry you through even this. 
Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

[Joe S]

@KayC  Thank you for your kind words, and thoughts. I want to be reunited with Scrunchie right this second if I could! Thank you for what you said about God. My Pastor once told me, that Satan is the cause of all misery. That was quite sometime ago. My heart is so hurt and empty without Scrunchie, that it runs as deep as the ocean, and as wide as the grand canyon. Living without him has been hell on earth. I truly loved and cared for him, more then myself. As I mentioned in my original post, those 4 weeks at the hospital after my car accident, all I could think about was Scrunchie. I kept asking the Doctors when I can be discharged, without a care of how severely I was was injured. I had my phone with me, and showed all the nurse's, and folks from other departments that took care of me, all of Scrunchie`s pictures. If I can figure out how to use my android phone to upload a picture of Scrunchie to my desktop pc, I will be happy to post it here.

With love and kindness,

Joe

[Joe S]

4 hours ago, Joe S said:

I`m new here, so please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Joe, soon to be 59 years old on 6-30-2023, and I`m from Western North Carolina. I`ve seen so many heart felt posts here from people that have lost their pets, with so much kindness, and thoughtfulness, with replies.  My beloved Tabby Cat Scrunchie, passed away at just nine years old on 4-25-2023 at approximately  2:45 pm, right after my last break from work was over. I work remotely, and after my last break, I heard Scrunchie scream!! His cat bed, which is right in back of my computer chair, is where I heard him yell.  I thought maybe his claws got stuck in his cat bed that I bought him for Christmas, and rushed right over to him! That wasn`t the problem. I opened his mouth to see if something was stuck inside his throat to clear it out. The I realized he had passed away.

I started yelling and screaming, and at the same time had to type to my supervisor what had just happened. My supervisor called me, could tell I was hyperventilating, and said "Joe, please try and take some deep breaths for me, promise me you will do that" I did as she suggested, but was still a terrible mess and screaming like a five year old. I told my supervisor in my state of shock, that I don`t deserve to live anymore. I also kept shouting why, why, why?!?!  She told me how sorry she was, and eventually we got off the phone.

I looked up, and Told God I hate him, and that I`m not praying to you anymore!  Before Scrunchie passed, I always prayed to God with thanks giving, and for bringing Scrunchie into my life, and how deeply I love him. There were quite a few times I held Scrunchie in my arms, as I prayed. I cried, and cried, and cried buckets of tears. That has not stopped since Scrunchie passed away. It`s worse, when the sun comes out in the morning, because t shines right over his cat perch mounted on the window sill. Than at that time the tears flow uncontrollably, and persist throughout the day.. I eventually apologized to God for the mean things I said to him, but still feel angry that he took my beloved Scrunchie away from me.

Scrunchie and I were joined at the hip, I used to think of the song Me and my shadow, because he followed me everywhere. He would wake me up in the morning with gentle kisses on my eyelids. When I`m on my computer, he came between my chair, and reached out with his paw, for me to pick him up and hug and kiss him. 

I`ve called my Doctor, consulted my Pastor, and had a friend come to see me. Even that wasn`t enough. Back on 7-2-2021, I was in a horrible car accident, that landed me in the hospital for a month. I suffered 7 broken ribs, which caused pneumonia. I had a fractured knee, that gave way to sepsis.  Even then, I was more concerned about Scrunchie then my own well being. The pain I`m feeling deep inside my heart and soul, exceeds the car accident I was in. 

Yes, I have had suicidal thoughts. I`ve often thought about how people on death row, get a last meal. I thought of the same thing, and wanting to end it all. Each and every passing the day, the pain grows, and grows. I don`t know how much more I can take. I had my little boy cremated, and ordered cremation jewelry, that I can place some of his ashes in. It`s the shape of a heart, with an angel wing attached. It says on the heart "If love could have saved you, you never would have died" 

I am dead inside, through and through. I pray that when I go to sleep, that I will wake up in eternity to be with Scrunchie. I live alone, and this house has become a barren wasteland with out my little boy.  Each day I wake up, the horror show begins, and I relive every moment of losing my Scrunchie. My Birthday as I mentioned, is on June 30th. That`s also the day Scrunchie came into my life 9 years ago. It`s going to hurt like the deepest depths of hell on that day. I`ve asked God over and over the why`s, why did you punish me? What did I do to deserve the worst anguish I have ever experienced. I asked God to revive Scrunchie when he passed. 

Thank you all for listening to my grief, and deepest sadness and sorrow. I would like to close with  two quotes by Jimi Hendrix..

"The story of life is quicker then the blink of an eye. The story of Love, is hello and goodbye, until we meet again."

 

"The morning is dead
And the day is, too
There's nothing left here to meet me
But the velvet moon
All my loneliness I have felt today
It's like a little more than enough
To make a man throw himself away
And I continue
To burn the midnight lamp

Alone"

 

"The story of life is quicker then the blink of an eye. The story of Love, is hello and goodbye, until we meet again." Jimi Hendrix

[KayC]

Jimi Hendrix must have been very astute.  I'm glad you have a good pastor, so many do not.  I'm 70, from OR, but the world of love draws people together from all over the world.  Hearts relate.  

That is such a hard memory to carry. Have you considered pet grief counseling? They can help with images we can't get out of our minds...
EMDR
Psychology Tools, CBT, EMDR
Brainspotting and EMDR

[Joe S]

@KayC  I haven`t thought of grief counseling yet, although I should. When my mom passed away at hospice, the nurses set up grief counseling for family members that wanted it, and I did. My grief counselor was quite helpful after mom passed away.