Members vandynicole Posted May 10, 2012 Members Report Share Posted May 10, 2012 On Jan. 10 my grandma died. One of the main ppl in my life. I am lost and full of anxiety and panic attacks flow in and out whenever. Its been a few months, but the pain is still fresh. I feel empty, lost and hollow. I feel like I just want this all to be over with. Now my Grandpa on my dads side is dying. We are a very close knit family. Living with each other in hard times. Talk a couple times a week. I don't know if I can handle this one. The only thing that keeps me here is my 4 year old daughter. Also almost 4 years ago my 30 year old cousin died from complications from diabetes. I still miss him everyday. But it was different when he died. I was more angry. This time with my gma I am devastated. I have anxiety/panic disorder and it flares up from time to time. Only when major things happen. Like when I was diagnosed diabetic and after I had my child. Now its because my gma is gone. When it would flare up before I would call her during the most intense attacks and she would calm me down. And know I can't call her. If everyone is gonna die, whats the point? My aunts, my dad, my other gma,. my mom. It just seems like life is only pain. I can't see past it anymore. I have derealization really bad these day from it. I am in a constant state of anxiety and grief. But I can mask it, I can appear completely normal. But I am dying on the inside. I barely make it through each day. I'm not living anymore. Just "making it through" another day. I feel guilty for giving birth. Is this all I am setting her up for? Grief and pain. Everyone dies. Everyone leaves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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