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Still having trouble since Mother's Day


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This was the 2nd Mother's Day since my Mother passed. The first one was easier because I was distracted due to dealing with my breast cancer/chemo/radiation, etc. 

I was so blessed that she lived with me the last 18 months she had here on earth. I was her primary care giver until I had to get someone to help her go to the bathroom at night because I was exhausted due to lack of sleep/cancer.

I still have to finish going through her house, sell it and give her clothes to a nonprofit, go through all her things in her bedroom/bathroom at my house and mix her ashes with my dad's and scattering them.

I have been a wreck since she passed. She was my very best friend and she was all there mentally the entire time. She had kidney failure and had the most peaceful/painless passing that I could've prayed for. 
I also got fired during Covid (from a job I loved for 6 years) due to a new 2nd level supervisor who didn't like me for no apparent reason. Even my direct supervisor praised me on the zoom call when he, the 2nd level supervisor and HR fired me. He said how great I had been (even got a raise a couple months before) and how I was also willing to do whatever they needed. The HR person cut him off from continuing. I had asked to reduce my traveling from 75% to 25% while I cared for my mother. There was an administrative position  that the 2nd level supervisor wanted me to do, but it was way below my pay grade and I have a MS in my field and wouldn't be doing anything I had been hired to do. First time I ever didn't want to do something for this company. There were other "office" work, like report writing that I could/wanted to do. She was absolutely outraged and this was the beginnings of the end. Even after I respectfully told her I would rather not be an admin, she wouldn't accept my answer. She was absolutely horrible to me and during my firing Zoom call I ask why I was being fired and no one would tell me why. 

I tried to go back to school for an 2-year degree to add to my Masters of Science and was making all As but when I started the second semester, I woke up every day nauseous and super anxious and couldn't eat. 
Now i have been staying at home mostly, not working (my mom left me some money), feeling like a lazy bum,  and letting my house get a mess.
I had moved across the street from my sister/nephew (and down the street from my mom) a few years earlier, but my sister wasn't close with my mom and she is a super extrovert (I'm super introvert) and she can't go a day without calling me or coming over or wanting me to do something. We have never been close and she was even disrespectful of my mom(which I abruptly stopped ever time I was there) and would say stuff like "turn up your hearing aids!" If my mom asked her to repeat something. She also wouldn't tell her where they were going once they got in the car, like she was a child (I don't think most ppl would even treat a child like that). 
Anyway, I'm stuck and so sad and miss my Mother/best friend so very much. I have started going to church again (which my mother and I did, then watched  on YouTube during Covid. It's easy to tell myself...just do this or that, but I usually sleep instead. I don't know if anyone relates to this, but thank you for reading. 

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