Talking with my mom

[AJ4]

My daughter graduated from high school this weekend, so I invited family over, my mom, my dad, my husband's dad and step mom all came, as well as two of my friends who are local.  

We talked about grief some.  My mom gave me a book called Good Grief.   She also talked about how her mom changed after her dad's death.  Her mom and dad were 94 and living in assisted living together.  Her dad died first, and her mom only a month later.  She was very angry at first (my grandma was) which I have a hard time imagining because when ever I saw her she was sweet, gentile and soft spoken.   She took her anger out on my mom, who was the one who was nearby.   She also didn't want to eat. And she had to change homes for some reason so she didn't know any of the people there, the nurses and attendants were all strangers.   My mom did get her to eat some by just offering to share her own food and not putting any pressure on her at all, just making it an offer to eat together.   But she was 94 and she was basically done.   Which is ok, I think.  I believe we can make our own choices in life, and if she didn't want to eat, well, it is her life, even at 94.   She didn't die of not eating.  She had a lot of health problems.  

 

I don't really know where I'm going with this, other than I'm grateful to have people to be around me this weekend and also to have good deep conversations with.  I didn't talk a lot about my own grief, but we did talk about my husband and some of the good memories.  

[DWS]

42 minutes ago, AJ4 said:

I don't really know where I'm going with this, other than I'm grateful to have people to be around me this weekend and also to have good deep conversations with. 

Those deep discussions, particularly when they're unexpected, are so comforting when they happen. Thankfully, I've had a number of them since Tom passed away...mostly with my nephews and niece who not only needed to comfort me but felt the rare opportunity to share things they've kept inside. That baring of the soul to us fragile grievers sends us a big dose of love and security. 

[KayC]

It is common for people to strike out at those the closest, for those are the ones they feel safe with, they aren't going to leave them. It's clerks and employers they're more likely to answer "fine" to when asked how they are.  Not saying it's right or wrong, just that's what we as people do.

We're glad you're here @AJ4 and all of the people here, this forum reflects the collective personalities of us all, and the caring really shows through!

When my mom was 92 in a dementia facility (Stage IV), they complained she wasn't eating, so we played a game, I'd take a bite, she'd take a bite, etc. That way she got some food in her. They supplemented with some Ensure I'd brought in. She weighed between 60 and 70 when she died, she was very tiny to begin with but should have weighed about 90-100.