Lost without my husband

[Michelle R]

I truly dont know how to live without my husband! I try everyday he has been gone 3 years this last March.  The only thing I do in life is go to work. We have a granddaughter that we raised and I still have I fake it for her everyday.  I love to garden, mow my lawn, I just love to be outdoors but I don't know how to anymore when I am not working I don't get outa bed. I HATE IT, I HATE THAT I DON'T FUNCTION ANYMORE! I have tried to find counseling but no one takes my insurance or they don't take state insurance or they have there limits on the state insurance they take .                    It's hard for me to go to a grief group cause I'm shy ,its not easy to talk to people I don't know.  I know everyone's grief is different and there is no time limit on grief but I am so tried of being in bed when I'm not working.  I know for a fact Jimmy would not want me to be like this.  We have 6 beautiful kids between the 2 of  us and  4 of them we raised together, my 2 and his 2 youngest. They need me and I don't feel like I am there for them even know they are all adults.  I JUST WANT TO FEEL A NEW NORMAL AND I DON'T KNOW HOW.                                    Thanks for listening 

[shawnt]

Try doing one nice thing ; just for yourself, ice cream, manicure, buy yourself a 🌹, and then try again tomorrow.

[KayC]

Casa provides counseling income based, it was only $25/month for my daughter, we family members coughed that up for her.

[Michelle R]

I've never heard of casa providers,  thank you I will look them up

[MichiganDaniel]

I don’t have any suggestions, but I recognize some of myself in what you said. I hate that I have to build a new life with new things and new people. I found my person. We were ready to grow old together. Then bam. Gone. Our life. Our future. I’m 58. Am I supposed to start dating like a teenager again? I had a four day weekend here with Memorial day and it was difficult. I did spend time with other people, a glimpse of normality, but then I came home and was alone again.

When does it stop being a matter of getting through the day and become something like a new life, and what does that even look like?

I know that it has to come as part of an intentional effort on my part, but I haven’t found a way to give myself permission to do that yet. And even If I did, it’s back to the question of what does that even look like?

I wish all of us who are alone and struggling could all go live in a big house together somewhere. Everybody’s alone. How are we so bad at this. The world is built for couples. The rest of us fall through the cracks, invisible in the shadows. All the lonely people. Where do we all belong?

 

[KayC]

This is it (there's a lot of unrelated things with the word Casa in it):
https://www.casacounselorsnc.com/

11 hours ago, MichiganDaniel said:

I had a four day weekend here with Memorial day and it was difficult.

It was a day like any other day for me, no plans or fun planned, only the mailman didn't come.

[shawnt]

Being alone without being lonely. I have only met a few people in my whole life that preferred a life alone, when I had Sue I did some solo canoeing and camping, but never felt lonely because I knew where she was . Once you have found your special someone being without does not feel right. I am terrified of dateing ,don't have the capacity + what are the chances lightning strikes again. I can't think that big yet maybe a new friend I can fuss over a little.

 

[Griefsucks810]

On 5/29/2023 at 7:36 PM, MichiganDaniel said:

I don’t have any suggestions, but I recognize some of myself in what you said. I hate that I have to build a new life with new things and new people. I found my person. We were ready to grow old together. Then bam. Gone. Our life. Our future. I’m 58. Am I supposed to start dating like a teenager again? I had a four day weekend here with Memorial day and it was difficult. I did spend time with other people, a glimpse of normality, but then I came home and was alone again.

When does it stop being a matter of getting through the day and become something like a new life, and what does that even look like?

I know that it has to come as part of an intentional effort on my part, but I haven’t found a way to give myself permission to do that yet. And even If I did, it’s back to the question of what does that even look like?

I wish all of us who are alone and struggling could all go live in a big house together somewhere. Everybody’s alone. How are we so bad at this. The world is built for couples. The rest of us fall through the cracks, invisible in the shadows. All the lonely people. Where do we all belong?

 

I also ask myself when does it stop being a matter of getting thru the day and become something like a new life and what does that even look like?

[KayC]

No pat answer for everyone but I think for a lot of us it changed around five years. We're all unique.

[HisMunchkin]

6 hours ago, Griefsucks810 said:

also ask myself when does it stop being a matter of getting thru the day and become something like a new life and what does that even look like?

Good question.  I wonder if those who are at the "something like a new life" stage can share their experiences?

[Griefsucks810]

1 hour ago, HisMunchkin said:

Good question.  I wonder if those who are at the "something like a new life" stage can share their experiences?

I wish they would share their experiences cuz I can use all of their pointers.

[widower2]

  

On 5/29/2023 at 11:17 AM, Michelle R said:

I truly dont know how to live without my husband! I try everyday he has been gone 3 years this last March. 

I'm so sorry.

Quote

I have tried to find counseling but no one takes my insurance or they don't take state insurance or they have there limits on the state insurance they take.  It's hard for me to go to a grief group cause I'm shy ,its not easy to talk to people I don't know. 

And yet it's worth the attempt. Remember, it's not easy for most of them either; it's by its nature a hard topic. Perhaps it would help to remember that others feel similarly.

Quote

We have 6 beautiful kids between the 2 of  us and  4 of them we raised together, my 2 and his 2 youngest. They need me and I don't feel like I am there for them even know they are all adults. 

? They're adults, so they shouldn't necessarily need you to be there for them so much as they should be there for YOU.

 

 

[KayC]

And you might try CASA if you have it where you are.  I got my daughter some counseling and they were income based so on her income it was $25/mo. and my family and I coughed it up.  None of us are rich but it helped her quite a bit.