This is too much today

[Racecarkitten]

The pan, loneliness, fear and sense of being overwhelmed are really strong today. I've done well the last 3 days, but I'm a mess today. I'm just not strong enough for everything I have to be responsible for now. I have no thoughts or intentions of hurting myself,  but the feelings seem almost unbearable right now. My daughter and I are invited to a friend's house tomorrow, but Wayne and I always enjoyed going over there together. The thought of going without him is too much. I would just ruin everybody's holiday celebration. I can't wait for these feelings to ease up some. 

[shawnt]

Wait until the morning to decide. If you can't go everyone will get it.

I would love to tell you it will be easier in the morning but that might be bullshit, just get thru today. Breath in, breath out - repeat.

Treat yourself gently.

[widower2]

As shawn said, go with what works. I'm an advocate of trying to get out of the house when you can, but if you'd much rather stay home, then stay home. Maybe you and your daughter can just do something together? Go with what works for you, regardless of whether people understand or not. 

[Sheilz]

I understand when you say it will be too much.  I was invited to a cookout today but the thought of going without my husband and walking in alone (without crying) was just unbearable to think about.  At least you would have your daughter by your side.  Maybe go for a short short time with an escape route planned.  As ShawnT & widower2 suggested..... wait till morning, decide then, and don't worry about anything else.  

[Shinka]

6 hours ago, Racecarkitten said:

The pan, loneliness, fear and sense of being overwhelmed are really strong today. I've done well the last 3 days, but I'm a mess today. I'm just not strong enough for everything I have to be responsible for now. I have no thoughts or intentions of hurting myself,  but the feelings seem almost unbearable right now. My daughter and I are invited to a friend's house tomorrow, but Wayne and I always enjoyed going over there together. The thought of going without him is too much. I would just ruin everybody's holiday celebration. I can't wait for these feelings to ease up some. 

I understand Racecarkitten. It took me eight weeks to find the strength to go out and visit my best friend. As soon as I got into the bus I started crying. So I asked myself what exactly is it that makes me feel this way, and I realized it felt as if I left my husband in our apartment and was going on without him and it broke whatever was left of my heart. And it dawned upon me that if he's still here in a more subtle form (which I believe) , then he's certainly not sitting at the kitchen table waiting for me. He's with me, wherever I go, wherever I am. Always. After that, going places was easier. Not easy, but not so painful. I have him near me always, my invisible husband. 

[KayC]

6 hours ago, Shinka said:

He's with me, wherever I go, wherever I am. Always. After that, going places was easier. Not easy, but not so painful. I have him near me always, my invisible husband. 

II like that thought.