Unwanted divorce-they are dating

[BrokenSarah]

He is going on a date tonight. Didn't even have the respect for me to wait until everything was finalized and we weren't living together still. And this after we have been mostly amicable. He had the nerve to disagree with me that he was hurting me . "I don't know how that's even possible." 

[KayC]

I'm sorry. My daughter just went through it with her husband. it took six years to get divorced, during Covid they weren't processing them here.  Three years of waiting for the courts. He never even came and got all his stuff and it's been almost a year now.

I would have replied, "You don't get to dictate to me how my feelings are."  I'm sorry you're going through it.  Come here, pour your feelings out, scream, it all helps. 

[Catherine1]

Hi kay

sorry to bother you, my daughter and her husband have been together for 9 years but married for 16 months. They have just separated my daughter has been unhappy for a few years and admitted they shouldn’t have got married. Her husband is loving we love him and they still love each other but not in the right way. Our daughter has moved back home with us and I am finding it all so difficult I have been prescribed anti depressants but I feel like I’m grieving and can’t see a time when I will feel better. My daughter says she is happy and excited about her future, I just miss the security I thought she had. Am I going mad x

[KayC]

No, your feelings are normal. I also loved my SIL, very much, until he started treating my daughter like crap. Your situation is different.  I wish they would see a marriage counselor before totally calling it quits.  But if she is insistent on this path, there's nothing you can do. I'm assuming no children are involved.

[Catherine1]

Hi kay

no children involved daughter 26 SIL 30, he is lovely hard working but that could be part of the problem as he works so much even waking up during the night checking his phone. He had quite a strange of breaking where his parents divorced and I think he has a lot of abandonment issues which my daughter feels really guilty, adding two. She is really excited about her future. I know I am now suffering from depression and it’s killing me before this happened. I had a lovely life and I feel like it has been turned upside down. I am now on 100 mg of sertraline and propanolol for panic attacks. I keep telling myself. My main priority is my daughters happiness and I know she is happy thinking. I hope she hasn’t made a big mistake but I don’t know whether I’m thinking this for her or me just get my sanity back 

 

[KayC]

I'm thinking you need to separate yourself from her life a little more. They grow up, make their decisions, some mistakes along the way, but it's her life to make them. And they alone learn from them. We can't protect them from that. Is she your life? Focus on you more. Are you seeing a counselor? If not, I highly recommend it, for your own sake. Lord knows I saw my share the first half of my life!

[Catherine1]

Thanks Kay, I know you are right, she is my only child she has moved back home with us. I know she is where she needs to be for now and I’m going to have to sort myself out x

[KayC]

It's natural for a parent to care about their child and their well-being...it makes it all the more difficult to sort it out, how much to stay back, how much to involve yourself, when they're living at home. My grown daughter came home and stayed when my husband died, then started staying away more and more until she was living on her own again, in another town. She did a beautiful job of handling it herself.  But I am sure thankful she came home for a time when I needed her most.  That was over 18 years ago Father's Day.

[TrentonRoth]

Hey, I feel you, that's a tough situation. It sucks when someone moves on so quickly, especially when you're still dealing with the aftermath of a breakup. It's like a punch in the gut, right?
But hey, remember, you're not alone in this. Take some time to focus on yourself and surround yourself with supportive people who have your back. And if you ever need some advice or just wanna vent, I stumbled upon this site called Divorce Jury (https://divorcejury.com/faq) that might offer some insights. Stay strong, sis. You'll get through this one day at a time.