Members Popular Post William M Posted May 25, 2023 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted May 25, 2023 Hi everyone. I just watched a heartbreaking video from John Schneider ( Bo Duke from the old Dukes of Hazard show) He has just lost his wife. I always say you just can NOT put in to words what this nightmare is like, But I take that back as he just did a fine job, check the video out. Warning you will cry along with him. 8 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Popular Post KayC Posted May 25, 2023 Moderators Popular Post Report Share Posted May 25, 2023 So true. Only a six min. video, I hope everyone watches this. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post foreverhis Posted May 25, 2023 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted May 25, 2023 Definitely worth watching. It’s strange that over these nearly 5 years, I have said and/or written virtually all of those thoughts, but I have never put them all in one place. And those who haven’t walked this road will feel sad and perhaps gain a little insight into it. Yet they will not, cannot, feel the utter sense of connection and the “nodding along with” of understanding and living every word he says. Thank you for posting this. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ThereIsAField Posted May 25, 2023 Members Report Share Posted May 25, 2023 🧡 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post WithoutHer Posted May 25, 2023 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted May 25, 2023 OMG yes it's all there in one very painful message. Everyone should see this especially those that don't understand where we are. I don't know it would sink in or not but William you are correct it has never been explained better than this. You are also correct I cried and I felt all the sadness we all here feel every day. I have experienced the loss of my parents and grandparents other family members and friends. I felt pain with all of them but it has no comparison to losing the other half of yourself and the void we are left to live with. 6 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post JamesF Posted May 26, 2023 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted May 26, 2023 So wonderful and brave of John to make this video when he is clearly at his lowest ebb. Something he said struck me as being particularly pertinent 'Widowhood is being alone in a crowd'. That's exactly how I feel all of the time. I could be in a room with 50 or a hundred people. But, without my Lesleyanne, still be the loneliest person in the world. Even after 2 1/2 years the memories will often come flooding back and I have to use all my inner strength not to be reduced to an inconsolable wreck. That's the enduring nature of love, and I will always love her until the end of time itself. Thank you for posting this William. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members William M Posted May 26, 2023 Author Members Report Share Posted May 26, 2023 1 hour ago, JamesF said: So wonderful and brave of John to make this video when he is clearly at his lowest ebb. Something he said struck me as being particularly pertinent 'Widowhood is being alone in a crowd'. That's exactly how I feel all of the time. I could be in a room with 50 or a hundred people. But, without my Lesleyanne, still be the loneliest person in the world. Even after 2 1/2 years the memories will often come flooding back and I have to use all my inner strength not to be reduced to an inconsolable wreck. That's the enduring nature of love, and I will always love her until the end of time itself. Thank you for posting this William. That struck me too. It was one of my very first realizations. The day my wife died, I was setting in my living room surrounded by many of my family, and never felt to absolutely alone in my entire life. I was surrounded by everyone just inches away from me, yet I felt like I was the only person left alive on the entire planet. I was Isolated in a different world/ plane than where the existed. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted May 26, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted May 26, 2023 As soon as I saw "painful video" I knew I wouldn't be watching it, but sorry for the guy and his loss. I vaguely recall that show; he was good in "Smallville" too. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted May 26, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted May 26, 2023 He described grief perfectly. I applaud him for his attempt in the midst of his pure raw pain. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post ThereIsAField Posted May 26, 2023 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted May 26, 2023 3 hours ago, widower2 said: As soon as I saw "painful video" I knew I wouldn't be watching it, but sorry for the guy and his loss. I vaguely recall that show; he was good in "Smallville" too. I have to say, I was very reluctant to watch it with the title "painful video". I'm glad that I did tho. Personally, I wouldn't describe it as painful. I would say that it's an articulate, moving, honest description of what grieving and being widowed is like. Obviously, if you don't feel up to watching it at all, then don't and err on the side of self-protection. But if it's the word "painful" putting you off, then maybe check out at least the first minute of it, because I almost didn't watch it but now that I've seen it, I would regret having missed out on it, if that makes sense. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LMR Posted May 27, 2023 Members Report Share Posted May 27, 2023 Sad but so beautifully put. I cried the whole way through but I'm very glad I watched it and I will be passing it on.💗 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post foreverhis Posted May 27, 2023 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted May 27, 2023 I hope everyone understands that I am not insulting him when I say I also noticed how he looks. The physical changes of deep grief are something most people really don’t understand. “Oh, that’s just temporary,” they might think. But we know it’s not because it’s the visible manifestation of the pain and loss that lives inside us now forever. So many of us, including me, have talked about how we no longer recognize ourselves when we look in the mirror. I felt as if I had aged a decade in the blink of an eye. Who was this pale, slightly unkempt, newly overweight, haggard looking woman with the haunted eyes and grim face? So when I see this ruggedly good looking man also changed physically in a way that is so familiar, it is another level of recognition for me. 7 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post ThereIsAField Posted September 4, 2023 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted September 4, 2023 There was a nice update to this on NewsNation today... 4 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post foreverhis Posted September 4, 2023 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted September 4, 2023 Dang! I was doing okay watching right up until the moment he explained the lie he felt he had to tell his beloved Alicia. I know we don’t all get to be there for their last breath and that is a different kind of painful experience. But I told my John the very same lie. The thing is that looking back, I understand that he had to have known it was a lie made from love. Also looking back, I realize that it was a lie then because I was certain that I would never be okay without him. While “okay” has infinite levels and I will never be okay the same way without John, the truth for me is that 5 years later, I am a kind of okay. I no longer tell him he needs to “come get me” right now or that I can’t do this without him. That I do not want to go through the rest of my life without him will never change, but I have learned that I can. It took years to move forward enough for me to fully embrace those in my life who both love me and help me carry John’s love and life on the journey. The hole we each have in our lives can never be filled, only patched over enough that we can eventually figure out how to bring everything along with us, not just the unbearable loss, but memories of all that was wonderful. Some day, when it’s my time and we are reunited, then and only then will my heart be whole again. 8 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post DWS Posted September 4, 2023 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted September 4, 2023 @ThereIsAFieldThanks for posting the update. I didn't pay much attention to Schneider's career but right now, he's being an important messenger to the world on the topic of grief and particularly, being a needed voice of the griever. His sincere description and observation of being in grief's grips helps a whole lot of us who are experiencing the same. I can envision many who watched this interview feeling some type of relief having a celebrity like him acknowledge the hole in their own life while those around them continue on unknowing or uncaring what the griever's world is really like. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shawnt Posted September 4, 2023 Members Report Share Posted September 4, 2023 A hole bigger than me. I can't finish, I am speechless 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DWS Posted September 5, 2023 Members Report Share Posted September 5, 2023 Looking through the YouTube comments, I happened upon one that says "I'm glad I'm single at 57 and don't have to go through this". I have a couple of social friends that have been single for most of their lives that likely feel this way. Naturally, neither one of them have the faintest idea how devastating the loss of my partner has been to me. I decided early on to stop sharing anything about my grief with them knowing that it was being met with deaf ears. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 5, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted September 5, 2023 You and me both, Gator! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rey Dominguez Jr Posted September 6, 2023 Members Report Share Posted September 6, 2023 Amen to that, Gator! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Roxeanne Posted September 6, 2023 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted September 6, 2023 16 hours ago, DWS said: "I'm glad I'm single at 57 and don't have to go through this". I have a couple of social friends that have been single for most of their lives that likely feel this way Poor guys! Life is to love, run the risk to lose someone you love...as a great italian writer said: you have to die at least one time in life to understand it! If you avoid love for save yourself from grief, at the end you don't live at all! I'm glad to have him for 20 years of wonderful life together...and my sorrow is the magnitude of how much i miss him in my life! 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 6, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted September 6, 2023 35 minutes ago, Roxeanne said: If you avoid love for save yourself from grief, at the end you don't live at all! I knew someone who did just that, she died of cancer, still alone, so sad. 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shawnt Posted September 15, 2023 Members Report Share Posted September 15, 2023 Your right, I think love is the only thing that counts. It may be the only eternal thing in our existence. + I think this video should have a stronger warning. I watched it again and sobbed for 5 minutes. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members annie1234 Posted September 17, 2023 Members Report Share Posted September 17, 2023 I watched this video tonight and cried throughout it. So true...... I have felt most everything mentioned. Very touching... 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 17, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted September 17, 2023 9 hours ago, annie1234 said: I watched this video tonight and cried throughout it. So true...... I have felt most everything mentioned. Very touching... Welcome here! I hooe you'll continue to come, to read and post, it helps. Perhaps you'd care to share a bit of your story...when you're ready. Grief Process This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference! I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road. TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this. I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey. Take one day at a time. The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew. It can be challenging enough just to tackle today. I tell myself, I only have to get through today. Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again. To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety. Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves. The intensity lessens eventually. Visit your doctor. Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks. They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief. Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief. If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline. I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived. Back to taking a day at a time. Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808 Give yourself permission to smile. It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still. Try not to isolate too much. There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself. We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it! Some people set aside time every day to grieve. I didn't have to, it searched and found me! Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever. That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care. You'll need it more than ever. Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is. We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc. They have not only the knowledge, but the resources. In time, consider a grief support group. If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". Be patient, give yourself time. There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc. They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it. It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters. Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time. That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse. Finally, they were up to stay. Consider a pet. Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely. It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him. Besides, they're known to relieve stress. Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage. Make yourself get out now and then. You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now. That's normal. Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then. Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first. You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it. If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot. Keep coming here. We've been through it and we're all going through this together. Look for joy in every day. It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T. It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully. You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it. It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it. Eventually consider volunteering. It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win. (((hugs))) Praying for you today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post MariePaul Posted November 11, 2023 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted November 11, 2023 On 5/25/2023 at 11:01 PM, WithoutHer said: I have experienced the loss of my parents and grandparents other family members and friends. I felt pain with all of them but it has no comparison to losing the other half of yourself and the void we are left to live with. This is something I’ve been realizing over the last few days - when I lost my dad - I got through it with my mum. When I lost my mum - Paul definitely got me through that. Now I’ve lost him and there’s a massive void. His parents thankfully still have each other. His brother has his kids and partner. His kids have their respective partners. They can all go home to each other. But I’m living with a gaping wound in my heart, my home, my life and my future. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted November 11, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted November 11, 2023 Oh trust me, we know that gaping wound... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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