Sleep is elusive

[Joannaxw8]

I used to look forward to going to sleep but now I dread it. I have an anxiety attack every night when it gets closer to time for bed. Going to sleep without him is the absolute worst.  I slept so soundly next to him i felt so safe. I go in bed now and lay awake for hours in the dark crying until I finally pass out then wake up a few hours later looking  for him only to realize all over again that he is gone.  Then I cry even more bitterly then before until I manage to fall asleep again.  The pain of living without my love is destroying me it is worse than any other pain I have ever felt.  I wish that sleep would come so i could not feel anything for just a little while at least. 

[Roxeanne]

I'm so sorry Joanne...it's really hard! I remember when i was longing for the night to come to forget my pain and dreamed of him..

Unfortunately there are no words that can lessen your pain...grief is expression of our love and is an earthquake of emotions...!

In this forum people are kind and compassionate and really understand all your feelings 'cos they are ours!

Hope you can find some comfort with us!

A big hug Roxi

 

[KayC]

I spent YEARS without much sleep after George died, I always used to sleep entangled with him, cuddled up in his arms, I slept like a baby with him.  All the years I struggled with a long commute and high stress job and very little sleep. My doctor had offered me sleep aid but I thought it a temporary bandage to a permanent problem...no George.  Finally I asked for the sleeping pill and got it, have been on it ever since.  I sleep until I have to pee, may or may not go back to sleep but I hate to think how hard it'd be w/o it.  Unapologetic now...I tried everything first, Melatonin didn't work for me, lavender scent (I don't like it and it closes my nasal passages shut), white noise I have going all the time, now I take the pill happily.

These Sleep Experts Explain How to Get the Best Rest
Impact of Sleep on Complicated Grief Severity and Outcomes - PMC
Sleep Disturbance in Bereavement - PMC
Grief and Sleep: Getting a Good Night's Sleep
 

 

[Racecarkitten]

I also have a sleep aid from the doctor. It keeps me out for about 3-4 hours only. I added something else that my Dr suggested-an earthing wristband. Google earthing or grounding to learn more about it. The last 3 night I've worn it to bed and made it through the night.  It's probably helping reduce the stress for me.

[KayC]

My problem is I wake up to pee in the middle of the night and it's a crap shoot whether or not I get back to sleep.  (70, it happens)

[DWS]

9 hours ago, Joannaxw8 said:

I wish that sleep would come so i could not feel anything for just a little while at least. 

I am so sorry for such a tremendous loss to you. It's so early for you that I imagine nothing really helps quell all of the racing thoughts going on every second of the day but for our survival, sleep is needed and it's good that you recognize that for yourself. I found that breathing exercises are helpful...breath work and the concentrated counting involved put the focus on that and give our minds some needed rest. One is called 4-7-8. It's one that I still do every night when I get comfortable in bed.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324417#how-to-do-it

Another suggestion is to make lists of random things in our minds. For example, pick a letter from the alphabet and start thinking of every girls name you can think of. Get your mind busy and totally focused on this task. I'm coming up to 15 months later since the loss of my partner and I still do this at night. Right now, I'm listing off pop music artists! I think I got about a dozen named off starting with the letter R and that was it....out like a light. This exercise gets our minds temporarily off our loss because we have to sleep. It might be difficult at first but it's quite amazing how easy I slip into dreamworld thinking up names that start with a particular letter. Hope it works for you.