Fear of death since a loss of a parent

[klarahem]

Hello,

I am new here. My dad died 4 years ago, when i was 15. It was out of nowhere and I was there to witness it happen. I healed and I am in better place, but I gained fear of loss. I became overprotective and afraid of losing the people I love, but on extreme level.

So, my mum is feeling tired lately because she had dentist surgery. So she is resting. Today she went to bedroom to take a nap. I didn't want to bother her because doors are very loud and they can wake her up. So hour passed and I started worrying. I felt so anxious and I started crying. I knew she was fine, but I started thinking of the worst things. It was hard to control. I couldn't focus on my work because fear occupied me. I finally decided to go to check on her, and she was just fine. I felt so stupid and relieved at the same time. I ran to my bedroom to cry because I felt so stupid.

This is just one example in million. My mum used to be overprotective a lot about me and my siblings during childhood. I didn't understand that as a kid, but now I understand it more. During her teenage years, war started (war in ex Yugoslavia in 90s), and she lost brother to suicide and probably has PTSD from all the trauma. 

I just hope this fear doesn't grow and becomes worse. Is there anyone with this fear? If so, can you tell me about your experience?

[Traz]

Hi Klarahem,

I am sorry about your dad and all the fear you are going through now. I think many grieving people go through this, I know I do. I also think everyone at one time or another has worries about their loved ones passing. 

I have an anxiety disorder that makes these life changing events really challenging. If your anxiety and fear is becoming out of control, you may want to consider speaking to a therapist. I've had CBT, a very effective form of therapy and my anxiety had been well-managed for a long time, until the death of my mom three and a half years ago. Therapy can be expensive, so another alternative is getting online and looking specifically for CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) books to help you. (Or you might find someone through 'Better Help' online) 

Look for their star ratings/reviews and the author's credentials. (PhD etc) I don't have any names off hand, but if I come across any, I will update. CBT helps you identify your thought patterns and if they are negative, you learn how to 'reprogram' your brain so it doesn't automatically jump to worst case scenarios. 

Having had anxiety since my teens and a mother with PTSD from childhood abuse, I understand what you are going through. My mom was always overprotective and worried excessively too. Some of that rubbed off on me and my siblings unfortunately. We are all worriers, lol. 

The good news is that with the right tools, you can learn to help yourself out of such a fearful place. I hope this helps a little bit and just know that you're not alone. 

Traz