Often I ask God to let me be with her again

[JamesF]

Hi all, just re-joined this forum after 18 months. I lost my beautiful partner in Nov 20 to Huntingdon's. She was only 54. I can't describe the void this has left in my life. Over 2 1/2 years on, and often I ask God to let me be with her again. But I'm still here, so I guess there must be some purpose to this life after all. My heart feels so heavy. I know there's many people out there in similar pain. Please don't suffer alone.

[RichS]

5 hours ago, JamesF said:

often I ask God to let me be with her again. But I'm still here, so I guess there must be some purpose to this life after all. My heart feels so heavy. I know there's many people out there in similar pain.

James:  WELCOME BACK to this board. I'm kind of new here, myself. I just joined in January of this year. During that time I've really benefited from all of the input from our members, learning that my grief feelings are shared by so many people here. I've also had thoughts of wishing God would take me to be with my wife as well; but I also know that I have some family responsibilities to deal with. At this stage of my life, I know that's my purpose.

We hope that you'll continue to post here. As you already know, we're all here for each other and understand what you're going through. 

[JamesF]

6 hours ago, RichS said:

we're all here for each other and understand what you're going through. 

Thank you so much Rich for those kind words, they mean a lot to me. I've really missed this community. Sincerest sympathy on the passing of your wife.

[KayC]

13 hours ago, JamesF said:

I lost my beautiful partner in Nov 20 to Huntingdon's. She was only 54.

I am so sorry for your loss, I know it to be the hardest thing in the world, yet it helps to read/post here, where others "get it" and understand.
 

1 hour ago, JamesF said:

Thank you so much Rich for those kind words, they mean a lot to me. I've really missed this community. Sincerest sympathy on the passing of your wife.

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs)))  Praying for you today.

 

[DWS]

16 hours ago, JamesF said:

But I'm still here, so I guess there must be some purpose to this life after all. 

It's my belief that you and all of us grievers are here so we can tell the story about our partners and spouses and continue on with the tale. We get to continue telling the story to anyone who wants to listen. We can tell the story about the lives and love we shared with them...all the great things and crazy things and overwhelming things that happened. We get to relay how we met, what was appealing and what wasn't, how things progressed, how entangled our lives became. We...and we alone...know the entire story right from the beginning. No one else does. 

[JamesF]

3 hours ago, KayC said:

I am so sorry for your loss, I know it to be the hardest thing in the world

Hello Kay, thank you so much. I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. It's reassuring to know we're all here for one another.

[JamesF]

1 hour ago, DWS said:

We can tell the story about the lives and love we shared with them

Hello DWS, thank you for those kind words. Please accept my sympathies for the loss of your partner. Love is indeed the most enduring emotion of all.

[Joannaxw8]

I find myself asking God the same question.  My 39 year old fiance passed on April 10th. Nothing matters when your love is gone all you want is to just hold them once more. I am so sorry for your loss. I can definitely understand how you feel.

[KayC]

@Joannaxw8  Wow, only 39, I am so sorry.  Mine was 51 and if he'd been 39 we wouldn't have met.

 

[JamesF]

3 hours ago, Joannaxw8 said:

My 39 year old fiance passed on April 10th. Nothing matters when your love is gone all you want is to just hold them once more.

Hi Joanna, so sorry for your loss, and at such a young age is truly heart breaking. Keep going, one day at a time. And, if you believe in God, talk to Him. Trust in Him, and the answers will come. And remember, we're always here on this platform for whenever we need each other.

[Joannaxw8]

Thank you James.  I really appreciate it.  He was my whole world.  I don't know how to keep going without him. 

[KayC]

One day at a time...stay in today. It's enough to get dressed, eat, drink something. Go for a walk when you're able/up to it.  It helps to get out a bit.

[RichS]

15 hours ago, JamesF said:

Keep going, one day at a time. And, if you believe in God, talk to Him. Trust in Him, and the answers will come.

This takes patience, faith and trust; something I have to consciously practice every day if I ever expect to keep moving forward in my grief.

[gns247]

Its 8 months in for me having lost my everything in my soulmate, Greg.  It hasn't gotten any easier for me these last months, harder even as reality just sets in more and more.  I am literally 100% alone and have never lived alone before in my life.  I even work from home (for the last 7 years) so don't even get that contact at work most do.   It's really, really hard.  Greg was always there for the last 21 years and I don't like this reality at all and just want to be with him.  I don't want another partner ever, so I have to somehow learn to adjust to being alone and that's how it will be until I'm with him again I guess.   We all just keep pushing through each day and one day becomes another.  I do hope I can find contentment of mind at some point.  That is my goal.  I hope you can too.

[KayC]

@gns247

 You're close to the six month mark, that's one of the toughest times...

Six Month Mark
 

 

[gns247]

Hi KayC, thanks for telling me that.  It sure feels like it.  

[KayC]

Yep, that's when it seems shock has worn off, people have gone back to their lives, and reality has set in. No longer can you pretend they're on a trip.  At some point you quit waiting for their car to drive in or them to call.  You no longer expect to cook for them and you realize you're on your own.  It doesn't feel good, but it will evolve into something more manageable with time.

[shawnt]

Of course suicide is an option . Only a fool in this much pain would not consider it. I think it is the rational choice when pain is on going and not likely to end. However is that us? Are we terminal cases? For now I choose to believe not because I think that there is hope,there is another thread on this site where people have found new love.

Four years ago a good friend hanged himself. He did it over$ .His wife and kids will never recover, his son who was 12 is already on his way to prison. I know he thought he was fixing things but they are so much worse for everyone else. He got a quick fix for himself and duck the rest of us. If I ever meet him again I am going to punch him in the face. I may not leave much of a mark on life but I hope I can leave things a little better than when I got here.

[KayC]

It takes a while to see things through so you no longer contemplate suicide.  It occurred unbidden to many of us in early grief.  I'm glad I didn't, I never want to do that to my kids.  It has a lasting bearing on the family.  If you do feel like it, call a suicide hotline, that's what they're there for.  Here that number is 988.

[gns247]

20 hours ago, KayC said:

Yep, that's when it seems shock has worn off, people have gone back to their lives, and reality has set in. No longer can you pretend they're on a trip.  At some point you quit waiting for their car to drive in or them to call.  You no longer expect to cook for them and you realize you're on your own.  It doesn't feel good, but it will evolve into something more manageable with time.

yeah I definitely get all that.  I'm still in shock.  It feels as though this is the way I will feel forever and I guess to some degree I will.  It's so hard on your own, I wouldn't wish it on anybody.

[KayC]

My heart goes out to those of you alone (no family nearby), so am I.  I love my neighborhood and while I realize I'm now 70 and it's hard to shovel snow in the winter, I'm totally on my own (in three weeks from now) have been most of the 18 years since George died, I find comfort in nature, the beauty of this place, the wonderful neighbors I have, and it is such a safe place! We all look out for each other. I walk my dog twice a day and I get waves, smiles, occasional conversing with someone.  Even if no one talks to me in a week, still, it's a comfort living here among my trees, the creek that goes through my property by the forest.  

In the beginning it was such a shock (totally unexpected, although even if one knows their partner is dying, there is no way to "prepare" for it) he was so young, I thought we had years left together.  I still can't clean out his shop and now am incapable of doing so due to loss of strength from injuries.  Sigh...such is living alone sometimes...

[WithoutHer]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

My heart goes out to those of you alone (no family nearby), so am I.  I love my neighborhood and while I realize I'm now 70 and it's hard to shovel snow in the winter, I'm totally on my own (in three weeks from now) have been most of the 18 years since George died, I find comfort in nature, the beauty of this place, the wonderful neighbors I have, and it is such a safe place! We all look out for each other. I walk my dog twice a day and I get waves, smiles, occasional conversing with someone.  Even if no one talks to me in a week, still, it's a comfort living here among my trees, the creek that goes through my property by the forest.  

In the beginning it was such a shock (totally unexpected, although even if one knows their partner is dying, there is no way to "prepare" for it) he was so young, I thought we had years left together.  I still can't clean out his shop and now am incapable of doing so due to loss of strength from injuries.  Sigh...such is living alone sometimes...

I am more alone than I have ever been in my life and I am really feeling it today. I live in a tiny apartment in the lower floor of a two apartment house. It was fairly empty when I moved in. When Vickie moved in with me she made this tiny place our home and now every square foot of it is stuffed and represents her. 3 and a half months of tears is taking it's toll on me. I don't know how anyone gets through this experience on their own. I've said it before but I am one of those and having a difficult time every day. The pets are my only companions and I'm caring for them better than I am myself.

[KayC]

That's one reason I mentioned them in my tips article, my Kodie is my incentive to keep going.

[RichS]

2 hours ago, WithoutHer said:

I don't know how anyone gets through this experience on their own. I've said it before but I am one of those and having a difficult time every day. The pets are my only companions and I'm caring for them better than I am myself.

I have down days as well. We all do. You're not alone in feeling that way. Sometimes the weather (like today, for example) will bring me down. I've been monitoring my depression lately and discovered that afternoons are usually the worst times for me. No surprise, though. That's when my energy level starts fading. 

On the PLUS SIDE, we've had our cat Salem for three years. He loves to follow us around the house and be near us most of the time. We're all very fond of him. In recent weeks, I've begun to realize that he fills some void in my life by doing that. He'll never replace Chris, but him being close by brings me some comfort.

[gns247]

9 hours ago, Gator M said:

I'm fairly alone here.  It sux.

My whole family lives in the same state as me and none of them have even said sorry for your loss or one word to me.  We haven't been close for a long time though but you still kind of think they might extend some kind of compassion at a time like this.  There are several members of the family that I was very close to at one point.  I only have one friend and she lives a far distance away so have only seen her twice since October.  I don't  drive.  Security is something that you don't think of losing when your life partner dies.  I rent as well and I just can't afford it by myself and so I have no idea where I will be in a few months.  Every aspect of my life has been thrown into chaos.  Most of Greg's family never contact me either, most of them not even once.  I have reached out to them but they don't bother keeping in contact.  His dad does, which is really nice.  It's really sad and I know Greg would be so upset to see me living this life because he's not here.  I have two cats who keep me company.  They can be a handful sometimes and rentals where I live don't usually accept animals so that scares me too.  It's very, very hard to see anything positive most of the time but we all keep pushing on I guess and see what happens.  

[RichS]

12 minutes ago, gns247 said:

I rent as well and I just can't afford it by myself and so I have no idea where I will be in a few months. 

Check with Resources for Seniors (www.resourcesforseniors.org). There may be a chapter located near where you live. Also, you can check with the senior services that your town and/or county offer. Between these two sources, you may be able to receive some assistance in helping you find a more affordable place to live (senior housing??).Hope and pray that you find some helpful advice.

[gns247]

19 minutes ago, RichS said:

Check with Resources for Seniors (www.resourcesforseniors.org). There may be a chapter located near where you live. Also, you can check with the senior services that your town and/or county offer. Between these two sources, you may be able to receive some assistance in helping you find a more affordable place to live (senior housing??).Hope and pray that you find some helpful advice.

Thanks for thinking of me but I live in Australia and I'm only in my 40's  so not a senior but I do appreciate your help and advice.

[gns247]

9 minutes ago, Gator M said:

My prayers are with you.  It is truly sad.

I have son, step-son, and a BIL that want me to live with them.

First, I can't move until this arbitration on my house is done.

Second, all of these offers are at least 10 months from now.

It's the short term that is killing me.  Travel for work exhausts me, I'm lonely when I'm home, and I look for anything to occupy my mind: movies, YouTube, phone calls, church, Griefshare.org...but I'm miserable.

I'm thinking of you too and everyone in this situation.  It must be some kind of comforting to know that there are three people who love you and want you to move in with them.  I know 10  months is so long away and I feel you.  I'm the same, always watching stuff on YouTube which I have never done before this but I have to (to help myself with so much research and similar stores) and try and also fill in time.  It seems like all I do is fill in time before I go back to bed and then repeat.  It is a miserable time and exhausting.  I wonder when that part eases up.  These people love you and I am very happy for you to have that and them.

[gns247]

Just now, gns247 said:

I'm thinking of you too and everyone in this situation.  It must be some kind of comforting to know that there are three people who love you and want you to move in with them.  I know 10  months is so long away and I feel you.  I'm the same, always watching stuff on YouTube which I have never done before this but I have to (to help myself with so much research and similar stores) and try and also fill in time.  It seems like all I do is fill in time before I go back to bed and then repeat.  It is a miserable time and exhausting.  I wonder when that part eases up.  These people love you and I am very happy for you to have that and them.

I know how much and how many time I have said what I really need is to be with people and for them to take me in even for a short time.  It's a once in a lifetime thing I'm going through and it would be so helpful for them to put themselves out even if it is an imposition on their lives me being there.  No one should have to go through this alone.

[KayC]

12 hours ago, gns247 said:

none of them have even said sorry for your loss or one word to me.

My friend Iris had another neighbor friend, Deb, they'd been close friends but during evacuation last fall Deb held a grudge against her because she "wasn't there for her," I'm sorry, but evacuation is the one time we need to look out for ourselves or call a rescue place for help! It is a VERY hard time, our street was ONE MILE from this huge out of control wildfire, all of the wilderness we knew and loved had burned up, air quality was over 1600 (we made national news)!  My cat can no longer meow because of the smoke he breathed.

You'd think Deb could bridge the gap and send Iris a sympathy card now that her husband has died, or maybe a phone call, but...nothing.  It's very disappointing.

They say grief rewrites your address book, that's a for sure.

 

[gns247]

11 hours ago, KayC said:

My friend Iris had another neighbor friend, Deb, they'd been close friends but during evacuation last fall Deb held a grudge against her because she "wasn't there for her," I'm sorry, but evacuation is the one time we need to look out for ourselves or call a rescue place for help! It is a VERY hard time, our street was ONE MILE from this huge out of control wildfire, all of the wilderness we knew and loved had burned up, air quality was over 1600 (we made national news)!  My cat can no longer meow because of the smoke he breathed.

You'd think Deb could bridge the gap and send Iris a sympathy card now that her husband has died, or maybe a phone call, but...nothing.  It's very disappointing.

They say grief rewrites your address book, that's a for sure.

 

That is disappointing and it sure does seem to rewrite the address book.  I can't understand it as I wouldn't act like that/this towards someone in need but I guess it's too much to ask for some support when I need it.  I'm very empathetic and a decent human, it makes me wonder how my family is so different.  They always have been though.  I have always been independent and done things myself, never quit and kept going but this is the one time when I need some help and no one is there.  It's a real kick in the guts.  This is shaping my future.  It's very sad and hard to accept and makes me feel very, very alone and unloved.  I knew it was just Greg & me but I didn't think that I would have absolutely no one in a time of need.  I know they don't "know" what it's like having never been through it, but I think they could "imagine" and I'm not asking for anything but a word or two of comfort.  Most of the closer members of the family have room for me but like I said, haven't even offered a word let alone a roof.   If I was more financially secure it would take a load off my mind but I'm not.  I hate how money has to come into it.  

[KayC]

58 minutes ago, gns247 said:

it sure does seem to rewrite the address book. 

Every friend we had disappeared pronto! My two BFFs didn't even come to his funeral two weeks after he died!  Unfortunately, you aren't alone in this happening.

[gns247]

3 minutes ago, KayC said:

Every friend we had disappeared pronto! My two BFFs didn't even come to his funeral two weeks after he died!  Unfortunately, you aren't alone in this happening.

That's so sad.  No, I'm sure it is a common theme, unfortunately.  It's very lonely.   I just wasn't prepared for any of this.   Why would I be.  We were both happy, healthy and living life in what was meant to be our prime.  Making future plans.  When death is unexpected, sudden and traumatic, there's no way to be prepared at all.   Is being alone a choice you made from the start KayC? 

[Griefsucks810]

On 5/22/2023 at 5:26 PM, JamesF said:

Hi Joanna, so sorry for your loss, and at such a young age is truly heart breaking. Keep going, one day at a time. And, if you believe in God, talk to Him. Trust in Him, and the answers will come. And remember, we're always here on this platform for whenever we need each other.

I lost my faith in God and stopped going to church 15 months ago.

How can God give each of us his unconditional love yet let us endure an indescribable and devastating loss of our spouses and make us suffer in pain and sorrow for long periods of time?  
Some of us never recover from our loss. 
Some of us are so overwhelmed by grief and loss and commit suicide. 
Some of us, like myself, am having trouble rebuilding a new life for myself. 
Some of us stopped holding onto hope that it will get better over time. 
Some of us give up on life and isolate themselves from the outside world.
 

When will God answer our prayers for happiness and joy to come into our lives; that God will remove all of our pain and sorrows; that God will remove all of our afflictions from our lives; and; we will have God’s promise that we will rebuild our lives and live in the present moment. 

 

 

[Griefsucks810]

On 5/30/2023 at 6:40 PM, gns247 said:

That is disappointing and it sure does seem to rewrite the address book.  I can't understand it as I wouldn't act like that/this towards someone in need but I guess it's too much to ask for some support when I need it.  I'm very empathetic and a decent human, it makes me wonder how my family is so different.  They always have been though.  I have always been independent and done things myself, never quit and kept going but this is the one time when I need some help and no one is there.  It's a real kick in the guts.  This is shaping my future.  It's very sad and hard to accept and makes me feel very, very alone and unloved.  I knew it was just Greg & me but I didn't think that I would have absolutely no one in a time of need.  I know they don't "know" what it's like having never been through it, but I think they could "imagine" and I'm not asking for anything but a word or two of comfort.  Most of the closer members of the family have room for me but like I said, haven't even offered a word let alone a roof.   If I was more financially secure it would take a load off my mind but I'm not.  I hate how money has to come into it.  

I also had no one in my corner to give me the support I needed when my husband died so I can relate to how you felt. 

[Griefsucks810]

On 5/29/2023 at 6:52 PM, gns247 said:

My whole family lives in the same state as me and none of them have even said sorry for your loss or one word to me.  We haven't been close for a long time though but you still kind of think they might extend some kind of compassion at a time like this.  There are several members of the family that I was very close to at one point.  I only have one friend and she lives a far distance away so have only seen her twice since October.  I don't  drive.  Security is something that you don't think of losing when your life partner dies.  I rent as well and I just can't afford it by myself and so I have no idea where I will be in a few months.  Every aspect of my life has been thrown into chaos.  Most of Greg's family never contact me either, most of them not even once.  I have reached out to them but they don't bother keeping in contact.  His dad does, which is really nice.  It's really sad and I know Greg would be so upset to see me living this life because he's not here.  I have two cats who keep me company.  They can be a handful sometimes and rentals where I live don't usually accept animals so that scares me too.  It's very, very hard to see anything positive most of the time but we all keep pushing on I guess and see what happens.  

Sorry to see that your family and your husband’s  family have all turned their backs on you when you needed them the most.  Hope you find an apartment that you can afford and you’re able to take your 2 cats with you.
 

 My husband’s entire immediate family members all turned their backs on me when I told them that he died so I know what it feels like to be rejected and abandoned which is what they did to you. 

[RichS]

11 hours ago, Griefsucks810 said:

When will God answer our prayers for happiness and joy to come into our lives; that God will remove all of our pain and sorrows; that God will remove all of our afflictions from our lives; and; we will have God’s promise that we will rebuild our lives and live in the present moment. 

My wife was very close to her mom. When my mother-in-law passed away, she just so heartbroken and said, "Where are the rewards." My immediate response was, "If you're looking for rewards on this earth, this is not the place." I don't know how those words came out of me so fast (divine intervention?), but they did, without much thought.

 

11 hours ago, Griefsucks810 said:

I lost my faith in God and stopped going to church 15 months ago.

Grief can take you on some unpleasant journeys, this being one of them. I've mentioned my friend (a grief counselor) before. He lost his dad at 18, lost his 9 year old daughter to a heart condition, then lost his wife of 36 years several years ago. He was at a point at his life where he lost his faith in God; even to the point of becoming an agnostic. Over time, he healed, regained his faith, began teaching grief classes at this church, and just completed a manuscript (which will hopefully be published in the future) on the topic of grieving tied in with teachings from the bible. Talk about from there to back again?

As for question "How can God give each of us his unconditional love yet let us endure an indescribable and devastating loss of our spouses and make us suffer in pain and sorrow for long periods of time?", I'm still trying to understand Christ's cruxifiction along the same lines.

Hope I didn't venture too far out here. If I did, my apologies to the moderator and any of you.

[widower2]

On 1/22/2024 at 9:21 PM, Griefsucks810 said:

I lost my faith in God and stopped going to church 15 months ago. How can God give each of us his unconditional love yet let us endure an indescribable and devastating loss of our spouses and make us suffer in pain and sorrow for long periods of time?  

I don't think he "makes" that happen. I think he's just allowing life to be life, and life isn't always good or fair. If he stopped anything bad from happening to anyone, that would be a hollow, bland imitation of life, not "real" life. Without anything bad, we couldn't really appreciate the good. Believing in God doesn't mean bad things will never happen to someone and praying for something doesn't mean one will get it.