Never experienced grief before...

[Melissa_S]

I recently lost my sister to cancer. I have never in my life had anyone close to me pass away nor have I tended to anyone during their final weeks before. Even though she had cancer for 5 years I had never seen her as sick as I did in the end. 5 years and the end still felt like it happened so fast. I wish so much I could even take care of her for one more day. I was able to be her primary care taker in the end. Changed her diapers, bathed her, picked her up, fed her. I watched her look into my eyes as she went non verbal near the end and throwing up blood. The fear she held in them I will never forget. I watched her as she gasped her final breaths and sat with her for hours until they came and took her. I watched her get placed into the body bag and carried away for the final time. I thought for sure in that moment she would pop back up and tell me it was all a hoax. She didn't. I had to tell her little kids that their mother was gone. I remember my sister finally realizing this was the end and that the cancer had won, her cries for her kids are screams I will never forget. It's been only 8 weeks since she's passed. I still haven't been able to feel any happiness. The physical pain I feel from losing her is tremendous. I am so disconnected in my life, my responsibilities. It feels like everyone has moved along so easily and I feel stuck in this. It sometimes feels like she is just in the other room out of reach. I can still hear her final breaths and feel her skin as it got cold so quickly. I just want to know how long will I feel like this? How long does this vast amount of pain stay? 

[KayC]

I'm so sorry. I lost my closest sister and best friend nearly 14 months ago, it's so hard. She was disabled and had dementia, I was her caregiver.

Everyone is different but the raw sapping pain, it takes a while, I was in shock the first month at least.