Ways to pass the time?

[widower2]

One thing I found hard (among many others) after my loss is what the heck do I do with myself? Even though working full time, evenings I desperately needed to be busy doing SOMETHING, as sitting around stewing  on my loss was a one-way ticket to a straight jacket. I'm not much for what's on TV these days or streaming services, so this could be a challenge. Early on I journaled, but that only takes up so much time. There's the occasional movie and yard work/house work (whoo hoo what a wild life I led) and I read some, but again it wasn't enough to fill the days/nights, esp weekends after my "friends" disappeared. For those retired, I imagine this must be even harder... 

Then I found meetup.com. It's basically a site that provides a way for local people to organize local social groups of many various kinds. The beauty of it is that they are dirt cheap if not free (I think the most expensive I ever did was $10/year) and there's no pressure to do any given event they have; you can pick and choose. I strongly urge those looking for outlets to check it out. It wasn't a panacea by any means, but it provided a way for me to go from hard-core hermit to at least getting back out into the world again somewhat and re-connect with people. Sometimes it was as simple as a happy hour or dinner after work, sometimes maybe a day trip somewhere on the weekend etc. The point is it gave me options. Even if I decided not to do anything, at least it was good to know something was available.

Anyway, I'd be curious to know what others have found to pass the time...hobbies, kids/grandkids, friends (for those who have real friends!), travel, etc.  Maybe it will give others ideas that could help. 

[KayC]

My time used to be split between taking care of my dog, commuting 100 miles a day to work, and making cards.  The last few years that's changed.  About eight years I realized my purpose was to help others with grief, and I started coming here as my other group didn't have the traffic.  Then 3 1/2 years ago I embarked on a journey to health and started moderating a Diabetic group, ever researching/learning/watching videos, reading articles. I imagine I'll be doing this the rest of my life as it seems to be a subject with no ceiling!  Many of you know my husband died of a diabetes related heart attack following what he was told to do (this was prior to my diagnosis) which was the old guidelines from nearly 60 years ago, which we now realize did not help.  

With 14 hand injuries, constant pain, numbness, I no longer make my cards like I did for 35 years or so.  I used to have them in an art gallery and sell them online.  Alas, now all of my tools and supplies gather dust, waiting for the right person to make use of them or Covid to be over so I can donate them somewhere (locally we have nowhere to donate).  

My grandkids are three hours away so it's six hours driving up/back in one day.  I'll be going there Sunday to be at my granddaughter's piano recital and birthday celebration. I have a friend coming to get Kodie in the afternoon for a while and again in the evening for a while. 

I've never been bored or had to think about what to do with my time.  I'm one of those people that daylight runs out before I do!

[MichiganDaniel]

On Tuesdays a weekly podcast has a zoom call that I found in their Facebook group. Wednesday is the local Toastmasters club which I have been going to as a guest. I think I’m ready to join. Thursdays I hang out on a Discord server with a community of fans for a YouTube channel while we watch the next episode. Other nights are difficult, especially the weekends. 

[Brazil Man]

Dear @widower2
My days are harder to pass than yours. Some years after the death of my wife I got dystonia, a kind of involuntary moviments of arms and chest.
These movements don't give me peace. It's hard to stay seated and do something on the computer ( as writing this post). I only have some improvement when I am on laid position, so I am oblidged to stay laid most of the day without nothing to do.  And as I have almost nothing to do all kind of thougths invade my mind, and I have to fight them. I go to the church at saturdays but it's hard to stay seated there. The dystonia effects only desappear when I fall asleep, and thanks God I can spleep. I don't have good dreams but they are not nigthmares. 

 

 

[KayC]

I am so sorry you are going through that, @Brazil Man.

I'm having more problems with my hands, now it's tough to "click" on the computer, very hard to type and I'm constantly having to correct it so it takes me triple the time.

Is there any help for dystonia?

[DWS]

1 hour ago, Brazil Man said:

 Some years after the death of my wife I got dystonia, a kind of involuntary movements of arms and chest.
These movements don't give me peace. It's hard to stay seated and do something on the computer ( as writing this post). 

I am so sorry to hear that you're dealing with this. I know nothing about dystonia but it's always interesting to note how these awful medical issues sometimes develop during loss and grief. I certainly have had some medical worries crop up over the past months...just had minor laser surgery on my right eye because it had a small "hole" in it!

I do see that dystonia symptoms can be triggered by stress so it's a bit of a losing battle during grieving. Are you able to do any exercising and if so, does that bring any relief? 

[Brazil Man]

53 minutes ago, KayC said:

Is there any help for dystonia?

Dear @KayC I'm sorry about the problem with your hands. Unfortunately no medication could solved my problem.
Thank you for your concerns about me. God bless you.

 

[Brazil Man]

56 minutes ago, DWS said:

I am so sorry to hear that you're dealing with this. I know nothing about dystonia but it's always interesting to note how these awful medical issues sometimes develop during loss and grief. I certainly have had some medical worries crop up over the past months...just had minor laser surgery on my right eye because it had a small "hole" in it!

Dear @DWS Yes, I suspect it's something related to the grief or grief itself that caused the problem. Yes I exercice but I am not sure if it helps. I hope it's all OK with your eyes now. Thank you for your concern. God bless you.

[widower2]

3 hours ago, Brazil Man said:

Dear @widower2
My days are harder to pass than yours. Some years after the death of my wife I got dystonia, a kind of involuntary moviments of arms and chest.
These movements don't give me peace. It's hard to stay seated and do something on the computer ( as writing this post). I only have some improvement when I am on laid position, so I am oblidged to stay laid most of the day without nothing to do.  And as I have almost nothing to do all kind of thougths invade my mind, and I have to fight them. I go to the church at saturdays but it's hard to stay seated there. The dystonia effects only desappear when I fall asleep, and thanks God I can spleep. I don't have good dreams but they are not nigthmares.

I'm sorry to hear this as well. Since it's better when you're laying down, maybe you could get some kind of book holder (like a stand with an arm that stretches out across your bed or the sofa) and read? Or have a laptop on such a thing to browse around? And of course there's always TV/movies...I went through a ton of DVDs in my earlier days!

[Brazil Man]

7 minutes ago, widower2 said:

I'm sorry to hear this as well. Since it's better when you're laying down, maybe you could get some kind of book holder (like a stand with an arm that stretches out across your bed or the sofa) and read? Or have a laptop on such a thing to browse around? And of course there's always TV/movies...I went through a ton of DVDs in my earlier days

Dear @widower2 Thank you for your tip and concern. God bless you.

[KayC]

@widower2 That is a great idea, I hope it helps him!

[widower2]

5 hours ago, Gator M said:

If I can talk or get interested in a YouTube, movie, series...that helps some for me.

 

Oh yeah, youtube has helped, there's so much on there...sometimes something will come to me and I'll look it up, and there are links to other stuff on the right (some related, some not) that will also interest me, and it's like this rabbit hole (in a good way!).....

[MichiganDaniel]

18 hours ago, widower2 said:

youtube has helped

I started watching a channel called The Why Files on YouTube. Conspiracy and creepy stories with explanations and debunking. And a talking goldfish. 

[ThereIsAField]

I've grown to love audiobooks because I no longer have the concentration span to read books, like I used to. I have a $10 per month membership at Audible and get one credit for an audiobook per month there, so I've collected quite a few over the years. I usually pick ones on topics that are intricate and complicated and that I find interesting enough to listen to more than once. That way, I can fall asleep while listening to them, which I find very cosy... Like having someone read to you... And I can just pick up where I left off, or listen again for deeper understanding.

Also, TED talks on youtube are a source of endless fascination for me. They're pretty high quality and have such interesting viewpoints and there seem to be an almost infinite number available. Also "Talks at Google" have some fascinating speakers and topics.

I don't know if any of that is an option/ interests you @Brazil Man - they're definitely things that don't require much action/ can be done laying down.

[KayC]

31 minutes ago, DanielInMichigan said:

And a talking goldfish. 

What!  I'd love to see that!

[KayC]

I bought a Kindle right before surgery nine years ago to listen to audiobooks and tried taking it with me to keep up with grief forums but had issues with the operating system (I'm sure it was me just not catching on). I haven't turned it on in years but didn't want to give it away because it has my info on it and I don't know how to reset it...doubt it still works w/o all the years updating, guess I could only try!

[ThereIsAField]

I've never understood all the intricacies of Greek mythology but found a really good, easy, fun, comprehenisve begginer's guide on youtube today, for anyone who's interested:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4M-4M4LyUB0

[Brazil Man]

On 5/20/2023 at 3:04 PM, ThereIsAField said:

I don't know if any of that is an option/ interests you @Brazil Man - they're definitely things that don't require much action/ can be done laying down.

Dear @ThereIsAField At the moment it's very hard for me to concentrate myseff. I spend my time praying and trying to fight bad thoughts.
Thank you for your concern and empathy. God bless you.
 

[widower2]

On 5/21/2023 at 12:21 PM, ThereIsAField said:

I've never understood all the intricacies of Greek mythology but found a really good, easy, fun, comprehenisve begginer's guide on youtube today, for anyone who's interested:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4M-4M4LyUB0

 

For those interested in documentary type stuff, two suggestions:

1. https://www.thoughtco.com/:  not "documentaries" exactly, more like short articles on all kinds of topics (documentary-type material)

2. Youtube: there are documentaries of all kinds there too, some longer (1 hr+) some as short as 10-15 mins ish.  Type in an interest and you might be surprised what pops up