What positive can you list today?

[KayC]

Iris was home for less than two days and left to go back to her friend in Sweet Home to escape the smoke. Her roommate is moved in, didn't see her, Kodie and Jazzy played a very short time.  The smoke is miserable.  But this is home. I'd have to say I'd take the winter snow over this, so long as it's not horribly deep and I can keep up with shoveling.

[KayC]

A couple of hours I checked the smoke level, 90. I got dressed, 97, walked Kodie, 114, now it is 234.  But we got to go on a short walk!

[RichS]

Be careful, Kay!....................................and wear a mask (as uncomfortable as those things are to wear).

[KayC]

I've been wearing them outside. Cannot breathe in the air! And if it's above a certain amount I won't take Kodie for walks in it.

[KayC]

Someone stopped and got the other sleeping bag I had by my Free sign!  Yay, she got it for her daughter, whom I like!  Now I don't have to bring it in tonight before tomorrow morning's storm.

[Gail 8588]

Well, a lot has been going on lately.  Many positives hidden around struggles of one sort or another. 

First, I got a call on Friday that my brother was in the hospital with some heart problems.  The positive there is that it turned out to be a medication problem that was quickly resolved and he seems to be back to his normal. Yeah. 

He had been planning on driving his 2 grand children, who had been staying with him in Daytona Beach for the last week, back to their home in Atlanta on Friday (the day he went to the ER).  The kids needed to get back because their school year starts tomorrow, Monday.   So I stepped in and drove from Tallahassee to Daytona Beach on Friday (4.5 hours) and then on Saturday drove the kids to Atlanta (8 hours -  a bit longer than it usually takes me, but my great nephew has some health issues that need some special attention requiring several stops).  The unexpected positive here was that the 3 of us had a wonderful 8 hours talking about all sorts of things.  We got to know each other on a much deeper level than we had ever done before.  They both expressed to me how much they really enjoyed the trip.  I enjoyed it too.  Who would have guessed a 70-year old great Aunt and 2 young teenagers could have laughed so much in 8 hours. 

This morning, I rushed back to Tallahassee (4.5 hours driving) to try to arrive in advance of Hurricane Debby, due to come ashore tomorrow around noon.  I got home in time to give my gutters a quick cleaning, got to the store to buy some food and beverages to last 4 or 5 days, in case we get hard hit by the storm, (I lived in Tallahassee in 1985 when Category 1 Hurricane Kate smashed Tallahassee and I was without power for a week) and move patio chairs inside my shed, etc.   The first rain bands just came through Tallahassee around 5:30 this evening.  The positive, I am snug in my house feeling  pretty prepared, glad I don't need to drive anywhere.   My only challenge now is to keep from eating all my Hurricane snacks before the storm even gets here. 

 

 

 

[RichS]

Prayers are with you, Gail. Hope that the storm does minimal damage to your area.

[Adriennelc]

My only challenge now is to keep from eating all my Hurricane snacks before the storm even gets here. 

 

Ah Gail that made me laugh out loud.  I bought 8 cakes for visitors this morning..................alas I have eaten them ALL!

[KayC]

Gail, wow, I am impressed, all that driving and then to come home to a hurricane to deal with!

 🙏 for you, my dear friend!

[Sparky1]

Awesome Gail, I am impressed at how much you can drive. Hope the storm doesn't do any damage to your place. 

[Gail 8588]

Hurricane Debby is causing havoc for lots of people, but fortunately for me, I'm  not one of them. 

The storm slipped a little further to the east than earlier projections, just enough for my house to be on the western edge of the storm. That's the weak side. 

So for me there is wind and rain, but nothing too serious (so far).  I have power and no trees down.  Just waiting for this slow moving storm to clear out.  It could be a lovely day here later this afternoon.

Sadly, lots of other folks are going to be dealing with lots of flooding. 

[Gail 8588]

Here is a positive in my life everyday. I love getting to see my grandchildren develop into little people. They are such different boys, both wonderful, but really different.  The 5 year old is a little engineer. He loves making some contraption out of stuff around the house and explains if he just had a motor this prototype would be able to fly. He loves the planets and galaxy, rockets and such. He dreams of distant planets and all the things he could do there (in a very 5 year old way). 

The little brother is anchored firmly to this world.  He always wants to be outside. He stops to examine every bug or creature he passes. He listens for frogs, birds and crickets.  He is happiest when he has a worm wiggling in his hand or a bug crawling on his arm. He is always gentle with his living companions. He has been moved to tears to see a squirrel dead on the road. 

It brings me great joy to be in their presence.  How far I have come from those years of my early grief. 

[KayC]

Gail, I am so happy you escaped havoc in the storm!

Today I was getting ready for garbage day Wednesday (I'll be gone tomorrow) and I do an extra 1 1/2 bags as I only fill 1/2 one every two weeks.  I picked a couple of very heavy parts in the shop (which needs cleaned out as the walls and floor are rapidly deteriorating).  I have a 15% grade driveway and only 10% strength so I was proud of myself for making it up the driveway with these heavy parts.  I remember my XH saying "leverage" when I asked him, dumbfounded, how he erected a pole barn by himself in one day!  I got it done.  Then I got to thinking, perhaps these weren't parts to be discarded but rather for the truck my son has on my place that he bought in 2002 after he graduated.  I looked at the label and it appears he had it delivered to his friend's house, on the way to my house, in 2010.  It was never opened.  It said 54 lbs but to someone with 10% strength, that is a lot, esp. a tiny older woman.  I managed to get it back into the wheelbarrow and down the driveway into the corner of my newly constructed carport, behind his wood I've had to stack twice.  The rest of the parts followed.  I decided to take down a ton of boxes in the electrical room, which meant I spent hours dismantling them so they could be stored flat by the garbage can.  I got it all done!  I unearthed a treasure trove, a chest that was my dad's, it has something sentimental in it, what I don't remember.  Will leave that for another day.  Kodie and I took Jewels an apple not once but twice today.  My heart goes out to her.  Wishing I was younger with someone strong beside me, a pasture, and a horse trailer...but for now me and my apples will have to do.  I love her, she is so gentle, so sweet.  She talked to me yesterday when I was leaving.

So are the positives of an old lady.

And today the air has been under 100!  Currently 67.

[Sparky1]

My big positive for today was going to see my new grandson that was born last Thursday. I gave him a kiss for his grandmother, who would have gone crazy with joy if she could have been here. Mother and son doing well, he's so tiny and very quiet. So happy to have held him. Brought him some clothing that he will eventually fit in to. 

[KayC]

Oh Sparky, that's wonderful!

[Gail 8588]

Sparky, 

I as m so happy for you.  I so wish John could have lived to be Grandpa to my grandsons.  I do talk to them about their missing grandpa, look at photos, and listen to his CDs.  Mostly I just shower them with love  on behalf of both of us.

 

[Adriennelc]

There is nothing like new life to bring joy, laughter and love.  

Congratulations Sparky xx

[KayC]

When George died he had a granddaughter, she is now grown!  He'd be so proud of her.  Alas, he never got to meet our other grandchildren. 

[Sparky1]

Thanks everyone, this is the second grandchild that my wife did not get to see. There are 3 others that she adored, and the 3rd one was born two weeks before she passed away. Now there are three girls and two boys, and one of the girls has my wife's eyes and smile. 

[RichS]

Yesterdayky, I went for another ultra sound on my leg. Results are that I can finally get my back surgery sometime next month. Have some coordinating to do between now and then.

[KayC]

We wish you well with it.  And I hope you have someone to care for you afterwards or can hire someone.

[RichS]

50 minutes ago, KayC said:

And I hope you have someone to care for you afterwards or can hire someone

I do............My cousin plans to fly down from Boston and probably spend 7-10 days with us. Then, a month or two later, we might have to fly up to Boston to care for my cousin (who plans to have surgery on both knees). FUN STUFF!! 

[KayC]

7 hours ago, Sparky1 said:

one of the girls has my wife's eyes and smile.

That is so special!

[AJ4]

I went camping with some friends this weekend, staying in their cabin, so not in a tent.  Annnnd I got some much needed cuddles.  

I bet everyone who a touchy feely, or touch love language, person like me missed that as much as I do when they have lost a spouse.  At times just that by itself is unbearable- the thought of no more of my  husband's hugs, none of his cuddling.  But anyway, I am glad to have someone/s cuddles.    We did a lot of activities, and I may have broken down crying in the bathroom once because a song came on that sounded like another song, that reminded me of another camping trip... but for the most part it was a very good time.  

[KayC]

I'm glad you got that time! 

[Gail 8588]

@AJ4

I am a believer in the concept that humans need physical contact with other humans. (Though I do also believe contact with other animals:  dogs; cats, horses, bunnies etc also brings  real benefits.  But I digress.)

I'm glad you got some good hugs with friends this weekend.   Feeling the caring touch of good friends is a healing balm.

I don't  see people I can hug very often, other than my grandchildren and my son.  But I do regularly schedule to have a massage.   I find that having a massage does help me to feel calmer; less anxious.

I can't  explain it very well.  Of course it is not the same as when my sweetie used to massage my tired feet because he loved me. But I do think that receiving a massage  does communicate to my subconscious brain that I am not alone in the world.

My massage is definitely a positive in my life. A bit of an indulgence, but I consider it a big part of my self care.

[Rey Dominguez Jr]

It’s a start.  This afternoon I took the first tentative actions to donate some of Veronica’s old clothes.  Actually, my sister in law volunteers with a group that provides support for battered women and women in crisis, so I asked if they take clothing donations?  She said they did, accepting most anything except electronics.  So I told her I would bring some items of Veronica’s clothing to donate.  So I started packing for my trip to TX next week by folding and packing some clothes that Veronica had already said she wanted to get rid of because they didn’t fit anymore.  Clothes were XL but she was M by the time she went into the hospital last June.  Baby steps.  Kinda hard to fold stuff when one’s eyes are all watered up.  

[KayC]

I remember that time so well...packing up George's clothes for Sponsor's.  My heart goes out to you.  One of the toughest things to do.

[Mojo]

3 hours ago, Rey Dominguez Jr said:

It’s a start.  This afternoon I took the first tentative actions to donate some of Veronica’s old clothes.  Actually, my sister in law volunteers with a group that provides support for battered women and women in crisis, so I asked if they take clothing donations?  She said they did, accepting most anything except electronics.  So I told her I would bring some items of Veronica’s clothing to donate.  So I started packing for my trip to TX next week by folding and packing some clothes that Veronica had already said she wanted to get rid of because they didn’t fit anymore.  Clothes were XL but she was M by the time she went into the hospital last June.  Baby steps.  Kinda hard to fold stuff when one’s eyes are all watered up.  

Yeah, it’s been 3 1/2 years and I still can’t face cleaning out Joanne’s side of the closet. I know it’s irrational, but I’d feel like I’m canceling her in some way. That if I cleaned out her stuff, it would be like she never existed and didn’t matter.

Like I said, irrational, but I can’t help it. My daughter says she will fly in and help me clean it out soon, but I know it’s going to be difficult for me.

[RichS]

22 minutes ago, Mojo said:

Yeah, it’s been 3 1/2 years and I still can’t face cleaning out Joanne’s side of the closet. I know it’s irrational, but I’d feel like I’m canceling her in some way. That if I cleaned out her stuff, it would be like she never existed and didn’t matter.

I'm right there with you. It's been two years and I haven't donated a thing of Chris's. 

[Sparky1]

I donated most of my wife's clothing and shoes, but I kept some of her clothes that gave me the fondest memories. My daughter in law also made quilts with some of her clothes for the whole family and although I don't use it, I do treasure it. And yes, it was very difficult to clean out her stuff. I also had the same feelings about getting rid of her stuff.

 

[WithoutHer]

5 hours ago, Mojo said:

Yeah, it’s been 3 1/2 years and I still can’t face cleaning out Joanne’s side of the closet. I know it’s irrational, but I’d feel like I’m canceling her in some way. That if I cleaned out her stuff, it would be like she never existed and didn’t matter.

Like I said, irrational, but I can’t help it. My daughter says she will fly in and help me clean it out soon, but I know it’s going to be difficult for me.

Don't feel alone with those emotions. I am in the same  boat with you. It's not just clothes it's things all around the place just as she left them.

[Gail 8588]

Me too.  I cried just taking his shampoo and stuff out of our shower.  I kept his tooth brush in my cup holder for years, including after 2 moves. 

Today 7.5 years after his death I still have a few of his clothes hanging in my closet, even though he never lived in this house. 

It is irrational, but it still brings me comfort to touch his shirt as I pick out my clothes for the day.

You don't  have to get rid of everything, but there will come a time when you can pass on a lot of their things and be okay with it. 

[WithoutHer]

10 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

It is irrational, but it still brings me comfort to touch his shirt as I pick out my clothes for the day.

It's not irrational to me. This whole apartment and everything I touch gives me the comfort of her presence. Some might say I need to move on. But at this stage of my life I would ask where? Just where am supposed to move on to. There's no place to go.

[Rey Dominguez Jr]

20 hours ago, Mojo said:

I know it’s irrational, but I’d feel like I’m canceling her in some way. That if I cleaned out her stuff, it would be like she never existed and didn’t matter.

I know what you are feeling, and that thought has kept me from putting stuff away or donating or disposing of anything of Veronica’s until now.  Not irrational at all in our world, as it were.  And the items I am donating were stuff she hasn’t used or worn for about the past 3-4 years.  So it wasn’t too difficult.  But I think when I get back from TX I will need to take a deep breath and start looking at what I can do to sort of clean up.  I think I’ll start with the dialysis supplies taking up space in one of the rooms.  Big pile of stuff that, when gone, will allow me to stash other stuff I cannot seem to part with.  

[Rey Dominguez Jr]

Couple of things, positive I believe.  I had not heard from a retired Submarine Service friend whose wife passed last July.  We communicated quite a bit back then, the early times for each of us.  Since then he has been doing whatever he does to keep him going.  He sent me an update this afternoon, saying a lot has happened between now and late last year.  Sold his house and bought a double-wide mobile home.  But also intimated that he was about to do something dire when he met another woman who talked him down and they have become a couple since then.  So he is doing well.  I told him I was so happy for him.

Also today, received an invitation to dinner Wednesday evening from another old Submarine Service shipmate.  He is in Mission Viejo, CA, about 1 hour 30 minutes north of Sandy Eggo for some sort of training.  Initially I was hesitant to go.  Would be first the road-trip without Veronica along as my co-pilot and companion.  But I figured I could do this short trip and be okay.  I need to get used to the idea that I can do this alone.  Don’t like it, but what am I going to do.  So I accepted and will be meeting him tomorrow.  Talk about irrational things, I still have Veronica’s travel wheelchair in my truck and figure as long as it is there, she is also with me on the trip in some sense.

[KayC]

I'm glad you have plans in the making, something to look forward too!  And taking the wheelchair with you.

[RichS]

9 hours ago, WithoutHer said:

But at this stage of my life I would ask where? Just where am supposed to move on to. There's no place to go.

When people ask us to move on, chances are they haven't experienced what all of us here have.

[RichS]

5 hours ago, Rey Dominguez Jr said:

Talk about irrational things, I still have Veronica’s travel wheelchair in my truck and figure as long as it is there, she is also with me on the trip in some sense.

If it helps you to cope, then it should stay there. Sometimes we  do things that others don't understand, but at the same time, most of them haven't had the losses that we've had. 

[KayC]

Absolutely!

A friend of mine's husband died and she remarried.  To me the cost was too high.  And I know it was hard for her.  He demanded she not have any pictures up of him nor speak of him and she was raising their children.  No!  Obviously he was not widowed.

[WithoutHer]

6 hours ago, KayC said:

Absolutely!

A friend if mine's husband died and she remarried.  To me the cost was too high.  And I know it was hard for her.  He demanded she not have any pictures up of him nor speak of him and she was raising their children.  No!  Obviously he was not widowed.

I can't let this go. We don't have an emoji to express my feelings reading this. I just relived my second marriage in regards to my first. Vickie never did such thing to me. We actually shared our previous experiences. And although I'm with Kay's thinking and there will be no more such relationships if their were I would expect an open honest relationship respecting each other's experiences. I just can't fathom how she tolerated being treated that way.

[Gail 8588]

6 minutes ago, WithoutHer said:

 I just can't fathom how she tolerated being treated that way.

The only explanation I can imagine is that it was an economic necessity.  She did what she had to do to provide for the children.  Total speculation on my part, but it is the only reason I can think of to explain it. 

 

[KayC]

Or maybe to have a father for them, I think they were about 8 or so.  Two boys.
Or perhaps she was afraid to be alone, I felt that way when George first died

[ThereIsAField]

My positive for today is that I've been back home from the hospital for 2 days and my back seems to be getting better. I got some treatment for it in the hospital and they wanted to do surgery and have me stay another 10 days but I said I didn't want to. Was very unsure whether I was making the right decision, but it seems the treatment they did helped and now my back is healing itself... (hopefully!) It's good to be back home, with my animals. It was a good hospital but there's no place like home...

[Gail 8588]

My positive is that I as m doing something silly and fun tonight.  My friend of almost 50 years and I are going to meet at her house at 4:00 am and drive in her convertible to a dark sky location in north Florida or south Georgia and watch the Perseid meteor shower tonight. 

We went out on Tuesday at midnight, but the sky was not dark enough and there was some fog. So tonight we are venturing  further away from the city lights.

Tonight is a little past the peak, but we will laugh and have fun.  I hope to be back home and in bed by 7:00. 

[KayC]

@ThereIsAField I'm glad the treatment helped your back and you are back home with your animals now!

@Gail 8588 It sounds like a fun evening to be had!

[Gail 8588]

Well the star gazing was fun but we saw few shooting stars.   The weather was perfect, cool and clear.  Nice dark sky.  We were next to a lake, so the frogs sang to us. We accidentally set off the car alarm which apparently woke up a rooster  who spent the next hour cock-a-doodle doodling.  We laughed and had fun.  

We are planning to come back to this location next year for the Perseids or any other night sky events.

[Adriennelc]

Another positive for me.  Off for a few days with my friend from USA.  We are Island hopping starting with Ullapool to Stornaway.  She was meant to arrive at Connel Ferry by train at 13:36.  The train is running an hour late - it only takes a twig on the line for them to go into a flat spin and delay. 😂
I have also started a mind positive course for 6 weeks.  I do feel my anxiety has calmed down big time and with that came the usual ill health.  Just got over pneumonia and now have a kidney infection.  Go me as not feeling sorry for myself but more inconvenienced by it.
Have a super weekend everyone.  

[Rey Dominguez Jr]

Had to go get me a new watch this afternoon.  I am a fan of Seiko watches since my dad used to wear them and he gave me one after boot camp graduation.  The one I had was a gift from Veronica around 2014, for my birthday.  It quite working the last couple of days.  Went to the base exchange to try and get a new battery.  Lady at the watch repair says this watch has no battery because it is a solar model.  Hmmm.  Well, so it is.  Never much paid attention to it because it just worked.  Lady says these solar models last about 10 years, give or take.  Well that’s inconvenient.  Then I could hear Veronica telling me “You should just get a new one!”  She is so right.  I listened to my wife and just bought me a new Seiko watch.  

[DWS]

A positive for me is that I just picked the first reddish tomato off my tomato plant. What's so neat about it is this was an experiment to see if it was true that you could grow a plant from a tomato slice and it worked! The plant itself is close to five feet tall.