What positive can you list today?

[Roxeanne]

Last night i went in another "wish Merry Christmas gathering" with good and very old friends...we known each other for many years , since our 20's!

We did a lot together and we have good memories ...so they took out the photos of the old times!

And i was there , looking more young than my age...before i met my love!!!

I couldn't help but envy that young girl who didn't know that her life would be overwhelmed by a special love!

But as my dear friend said: you would be willing to feel all that pain again????

Nooo...not that!!!

Or maybe yes...just to relive the best time of my life??????

[KayC]

I think I'd go through it all just to have those years with George, it was the best time of my life.  Man the price was harsh though...

[RichS]

It was a tough last several years for Chris and I as well. Joy and pain are all part of love. Even in my grief these days, I'm more fortunate than many of my friends and relatives who never found love in the first place. How empty their lives have been all these years.........................

[Gail 8588]

I would most definitely do it all again.  My 40 years with him totally out weigh the 4 years of despair and the rest of my life missing him.

Even in the worst of my grief I knew my time with him was the best my life would ever be. It was trying to find a reason to go on living without him that was challenging. 

I'm glad I made it through  because my life does have real joy again, loving our grandchildren.  I just have to live it for both of us now.

Our little 2 year old grandson just had the best time of his life playing Whack-A-Mole at his brother's birthday party.  It was great fun to see his enthusiasm.

[steinbok]

I want to address a joy that I have had for 10 years, that I do almost daily, and has been my base for meditation, yoga, all rolled into one.   IT's my cycling.    I am writing this before I go to bed, because I want to end it on a positive note.
This has gotten me through the last 17 months.   the cycling has given me the stamina to continue on and will help me get through the grieving process   It has been my rock in times of despair.  I still cry, but I brush myself off.   I attribute that to my bike riding, and the need to get out on the saddle every day  (or almost every day) of the week.

[widower2]

That's great! I used to like to bike, but where I live, there's really nowhere to do it (I live in a small one-street neighborhood and the adjoining highway isn't exactly bike friendly). Really IMO anything to get out of the house and do some kind of activity is a great idea! 

 

[WithoutHer]

1 hour ago, Gail 8588 said:

I would most definitely do it all again.  My 40 years with him totally out weigh the 4 years of despair and the rest of my life missing him.

Even in the worst of my grief I knew my time with him was the best my life would ever be. It was trying to find a reason to go on living without him that was challenging. 

I'm glad I made it through  because my life does have real joy again, loving our grandchildren.  I just have to live it for both of us now.

Our little 2 year old grandson just had the best time of his life playing Whack-A-Mole at his brother's birthday party.  It was great fun to see his enthusiasm.

Yes Gail I too would it do again. Although I have no family as you Vickie's daughter does keep in touch about once a month or at a moment she would have something she would normally have a need to share with her mom. We are 900 miles apart so it's special she thinks of me that way. The 11 years we had together were the best of both of our lives. Like so many of us elders here we came together later in life at a time we both needed a relationship above and beyond the nightmares of our past. It all came together by circumstance and there's nothing out there that's going repeat that. 

[widower2]

It's an interesting concept...would we, knowing what we know now and all the pain it included, change meeting this person? I'm confident few would, but also don't judge or look down at all on anyone who might have mixed feelings or feel otherwise. I have felt at times that yes, I would be willing to change that, but not because I'm unwilling to deal with the pain of losing her...but frankly because she could have done better, and as hard as that would be for me to have not had or known the joy of our years together, if it meant she met someone better who appreciated her more and had a better life with, it would be worth it for her sake. 

[KayC]

I have heard some say they would not, but I definitely would go through it all again, even thought the pain came.  I can't imagine not having known my beloved, besides I have memories to last my lifetime.  Am better for having known him and having had him in my life.

Gail, your positive made me smile...whack a mole, huh?!

Iris and I shared dinner last night, I can't have the yams she planned so I brought cauliflower bites and dessert, to go with the salmon.  Afterwards she wanted to walk the dogs...I'd driven since I knew it'd be dark when we were done, so I hadn't brought Kodie's leash or collar (he has to go w/o it at Jazzy's as she'd pull it off and lose it) so when we walked the dogs, I trusted Kodie next to us w/o it...he was great.  Still, wouldn't want to make a habit of it, she had wanted to see the Christmas lights, which are the best across the street from me.  They're incredible.

[Boggled]

I've noticed waking up the past few days, my mouth is dry dry dry.  So ... time to set up the humidifier, which I had stored on top of the fridge.  Set it up yesterday afternoon, left it on about an hour, spewing out a LOT of "cool mist" in the bedroom, turned it off, went to sleep;  this morning, no dry mouth.  

[Gail 8588]

10 hours ago, KayC said:

Gail, your positive made me smile...whack a mole, huh?!

Kay, 

Whack-a-mole is a simple arcade game where moles randomly pop up from holes and the kids hits them with a rubber hammer before they disappear down the hole again.  The more moles you hit, the more points you score.  It is so silly, but action packed.  My 2 year old grandson wanted to stay there forever whacking moles.  I bet he has been dreaming of Whack-a-Mole since the party. 

He doesn't care a bit about the points or redeeming points for a toy. He just wants to whack the moles. 😊

[widower2]

I remember that game. It's also become an expression used in business where it seems as soon as you solve one problem, another one pops right up.... 

[KayC]

Yeah I remember we had one in the olden days on our computer, it was fun.

I guess my positive for yesterday is that dog didn't go for my face.

[KennyW]

Nothing

[Sheilz]

32 minutes ago, KennyW said:

Nothing

Me too.

[Sar123]

Watching “Puppies Crash Christmas” on Hulu. It always makes me smile to see the puppies, and my little rescue dog thinks they’re real and sometimes barks at the tv. 

[KayC]

My dog likes watching them on tv or the computer, he doesn't bark but he's definitely interested.

[RichS]

How are you feeling today, Kay?

[KayC]

Thank you for asking, Rich.  I hurt like hell to put it bluntly.  I'm okay when I am not walking and nothing touches my arm.

[KennyW]

20 hours ago, Sheilz said:

Me too.

Glad I'm not the only one

14 hours ago, KayC said:

Thank you for asking, Rich.  I hurt like hell to put it bluntly.  I'm okay when I am not walking and nothing touches my arm.

What is wrong with your arm?

[KayC]

1 hour ago, KennyW said:

What is wrong with your arm?

I was attacked by a dog two nights ago, my forearm is full of trauma/bruises/bites, and my knees are also bloody and bruised from him shoving me down.  The neighbors (whose dog it was) haven't checked on me once.

[Gail 8588]

This is yesterday's positive:  I had a wonderful Christmas dinner at my house with 11 friends and family and the rain that was predicted to be here all day cleared out by 10 am. 

The afternoon was a delightful 70 degrees with a light breeze. I had  the windows open, and children and dogs could run around in my fenced back yard all afternoon.

On the otherside of town, friends told me they had off and on rain all afternoon.  I was blessed with the rain avoiding my house.

[KayC]

We had a good time at the dinner I went to yesterday, four dogs in the house from three households, they were all so well behaved and got along great!  Great dogs.

Ate three hours later than usual and my blood sugar was up to 118 from it's usual 94, all I had was a bit of turkey and a piece of the Keto fudge I'd brought (which was a huge hit).  May take a couple of days to get it back down...intermittent fasting has more effect than we'd think!

[shawnt]

I over ate, as usual when Turkey is involved, I over drank red wine, as usual when I am involved. 

What was missing was very apparent, the absence is larger when family gather but we carried on and did the best we could, I went out to my car to cry a few times but there was no helping that.

Over all ok.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year !!!

[KayC]

2 hours ago, shawnt said:

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year !!!

And to you also, Shawn!

[shawnt]

I decided I am going to Cuba, booked a flight for tomorrow. Goodbye cold & damp. Hello sun & rum.

[KayC]

I wish you well in Cuba, how long do you plan on being gone?

[DWS]

Right now, I am so relieved that Tom's daughter got my Christmas gift today (the 27th) that I mailed to them early last week. Canada Post tracking told me that it was delivered to them on Thursday, Dec 21st at 2pm. She would have normally mentioned to me that she received it but I didn't hear from her so I got a bit worried. I didn't hear from her the next day either although that evening, she texted me a photo of a blanket that she was knitting. No mention of a package arriving. I didn't want to ask because I sent it as a surprise. 

But on Saturday (the 22nd), it was eating away at me so I contacted her to see if she got a package from me and she hadn't. They have a community mailbox system and she told me that she thought it was strange that there was a key in her mailbox on the Thursday but when she used it to open the box where the package was, there was nothing there. She figured that the key was left there in error. 

I was so upset that they didn't get my gift and this just added to the stress of my coping with the holidays. I couldn't understand why it wasn't there and was concerned that it was stolen. I had put some thought and meaning into the gift and it hurt thinking that someone took it. It included cookies that I baked, a bottle of Baileys, and a puzzle for her two young sons that I got printed of Tom's beloved summer car entitled "Grandpa's Favourite Toy". 

I sent a support ticket to Canada Post to find out where the package went but thankfully at 4 today, it arrived. She was overjoyed with it and loved the little tags that I made....

 

 

 

[KayC]

I'm so glad that it ended well!

[JonathanFive]

When I was a teenager I used to write, and write.   I wrote poetry, I wrote short stories, I wrote a couple of movie scripts.  Was planning to go to go to college for film, but somehow wound up with Masters in Finance/Accounting.

So - "positive for today"

I've started writing again.   I am working on poems immortalizing the love of my life, who I still seem to speak of as if he's presently with me in the physical sense, into what will eventually be a book of poems for children.   

I know he would love this.  Unfortunately, I've also been wailing, screaming, crying, and wrything in agony all day.  And I really just screamed out in immense pain while finishing the last stanza I wrote.

But, "can only accept his death - as much as that will sadden me for the remainder of my time here."   Positive for the day?  Writing poetry again

[Sar123]

My 20 month old grandson was finally discharged from the hospital today-yay!! He had been in since Christmas Day. My son sent a video from the hospital room-  my grandson threw down a water bottle and kicked it across the room!  I guess he had enough of being in the hospital and was ready to leave, lol. It’s such a relief that he’s doing better. 

My other positive- my daughter came for Christmas (she’s driving back to her home tomorrow). Today we went to Walgreens to make a wall calendar from pictures I have on my phone. I’m so happy with the way it turned out. It was on the expensive side, but worth it. My daughter and I had fun designing it and now I can enjoy seeing pictures of my family each month on the calendar. 

[widower2]

Oddly my positive is that I DON'T have New Year's plans! Too old for that stuff...I'll stay up probably to see the midnight thing and zzzzzzzzzzz........yeah, I'm old.   

[KayC]

10 hours ago, widower2 said:

Oddly my positive is that I DON'T have New Year's plans!

Oh how I get that! I've plans to drive to Eugene/Spfd today and have lunch w/my daughter and her BF.  My son called last night, he's planning on coming with my granddaughter today and he wants to take their childhood beds, which leaves me with what do I do with the stuff they had in the headboards and drawers and nowhere in town to donate to, even the garbage won't be here for nearly two weeks to pick up. Also he wants to mess with some ceiling lights I don't think necessary and it'll require the breaker being off, etc etc and more mouths to feed w/no notice.  Will have a hard time taking Kodie to see Jazzy and I'll eat and get to bed late which wreaks havoc w/my blood sugar.

But this is supposed to be a positive...my positive will be it will be over and then I have to take Iris in to drop off her car Tues and pick it up Wed and oh God I don't want to, also Eugene/Springfield, a long trip on the Hwy.  Ugh.  If I survive this week it will be my positive.

And my bites are itching like crazy!  Worried about infection but they've been treated carefully so I don't know how/why/if.  And doctors closed for a long weekend.

[Boggled]

On 12/27/2023 at 6:53 PM, JonathanFive said:

I've started writing again.   I am working on poems immortalizing the love of my life, who I still seem to speak of as if he's presently with me in the physical sense, into what will eventually be a book of poems for children.   

I know he would love this.  Unfortunately, I've also been wailing, screaming, crying, and wrything in agony all day.  And I really just screamed out in immense pain while finishing the last stanza I wrote.

"They" keep saying journaling and writing is good for grief.  ... and screaming while writing ... same thing, "they" say speak your feelings and if nobody around to speak TO, then WRITE them.   They sell journals on Amazon and elsewhere;  I'd bought this one, which for some reason I like because the cover is treated with some treatment that makes it comforting to the touch.  Rise Up: A Widow's Journal: A place to gather and reflect on your journey: Harris, Paula: 9781639729128: Amazon.com: Books

so what's positive for today?  Well, I'm still not feeling the PAIN nearly as bad as it used to be!  My MIL called and got the three little presents I'd had sent to her, and she likes them.  

[Gail 8588]

My positive for many days this week and continuing through New Year's Day is that the weather is lovely and cold (for Florida) but not freezing.  So we can wear sweaters, sweatshirts and jackets, enjoy outdoor fire pits and indoor fireplace fires.   

It's just so nice to have it feel a bit like winter, and yet not having to deal with freezing pipes or covering all the outdoor plants.  Daytime highs have been in the high 40s and mid 50s,  lows in the mid 30s. Clear blue skies in the day and diamond filled black velvet skies at night.  Couldn't be more lovely. 

[RichS]

10 hours ago, widower2 said:

Oddly my positive is that I DON'T have New Year's plans! Too old for that stuff...I'll stay up probably to see the midnight thing and zzzzzzzzzzz........yeah, I'm old.

My uncle was a regular customer at a bar. Years ago I had spoken to him on New Year's Eve and asked him where he was going to bring in the New Year. He said, "nowhere......tonight is for the amateurs." 

[KayC]

Very stressed last night, BS reflected it, but doing my best to go with the flow.  Made a big pot of soup yesterday morning and they came...had already eaten.  Will serve it to them today and making Breakfast Egg Muffins for them this morning.  Soup for lunch, and Sloppy Joes for dinner if they're still here, leaving late afternoon/early evening.

Son checked outlets and switches (he has a device that checks them so much easier than taking apart, all passed the muster.  Not bad for a 46 1/2 year old mobile home!

[KayC]

I continue to be amazed at my son.  His large truck is FULL of not only the beds their dad made them, but also two large computer monitors (for recycling) and garbage bags for the dump.  He was wondering how he was going to get everything out to the truck and he went out to the shop and found castors to a chair he'd brought once that matched mine...he made a dolly and hauled each piece of the beds, headboard, drawers and main pieces out to his truck.  He's amazing, I guess he doesn't get "genius" for nothing!  Today I did 6 loads of laundry and vacuumed the entire house and again, and cooked dand did dishes.  My granddaughter said, "Grandma, I love how you always throw things together to put together the most delicious food! "  This coming from an 8 year old meant a lot to me.   We also walked Kodie our full walk and I helped Ceci feed the horse an apple.    Needless to stay I won't be staying up until midnight!

[KayC]

Made it through another day, Kodie and I rested up a lot.  Have to drive into Spfd (Eugene side) to pick up Iris after lunch when she meets me at her car repair.  Ugh...only slept five hours.  Wish I could program my body to sleep 8 and not wake up until it's over.

[Griefsucks810]

On 6/8/2023 at 7:49 PM, Sheilz said:

My positive:  Made it to my CT scan.  Cried when they asked who I want as "In Case of Emergency".  Then cried again when the technician kindly asked what my plans were or the test of the day.  But I got it done.  Now to await the results. 

But not sure what is happening to me.  I am doing much worse... every day.  There isn't a half hour that goes by that I don't cry with terrible gut wrenching sounds.  I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.  I can't focus at all.  Trying to keep myself from drowning in this sorrow but I can't stand the pain much longer.  Tomorrow I need to talk to my doctor.  Sorry for posting this on the "Positive" feed.  

The pain of losing your partner will never go away it subsides over time. I’m still struggling  emotionally and mentally with losing my husband 4 years ago; there are a lot of unanswered questions as to what circumstances lead up to his death. I still yearn an answer to this question; in reality I’ll know I’ll never get the answer or closure I need 

[Griefsucks810]

On 12/27/2023 at 7:53 PM, JonathanFive said:

When I was a teenager I used to write, and write.   I wrote poetry, I wrote short stories, I wrote a couple of movie scripts.  Was planning to go to go to college for film, but somehow wound up with Masters in Finance/Accounting.

So - "positive for today"

I've started writing again.   I am working on poems immortalizing the love of my life, who I still seem to speak of as if he's presently with me in the physical sense, into what will eventually be a book of poems for children.   

I know he would love this.  Unfortunately, I've also been wailing, screaming, crying, and wrything in agony all day.  And I really just screamed out in immense pain while finishing the last stanza I wrote.

But, "can only accept his death - as much as that will sadden me for the remainder of my time here."   Positive for the day?  Writing poetry again

That’s a good thing to write poems in memory of your husband; he’s watching over you

[KayC]

13 minutes ago, Griefsucks810 said:

The pain of losing your partner will never go away it subsides over time. I’m still struggling  emotionally and mentally with losing my husband 4 years ago; there are a lot of unanswered questions as to what circumstances lead up to his death. I still yearn an answer to this question; in reality I’ll know I’ll never get the answer or closure I need 

Thankfully it does evolve with time.  18 1/2 years ago for me, the first few years are really rough, I made mistakes but finally learned to be comfortable in my own skin, but always, always, I miss him.

I am so sorry for your loss...I am sorry you don't have the answers you want and need.

 

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs)))  Praying for you today.

 

[RichS]

11 minutes ago, KayC said:

Thankfully it does evolve with time. The first few years are really rough, I made mistakes but finally learned to be comfortable in my own skin, but always, always, I miss him.

After almost 17 months, I think I'm headed down the same path. For now, I'm stuck moving forward. Last night I read some articles on "stuck moving forward." I could relate to a some of the symptoms. While doing that, I had a good cry for myself. Then awhile later, the crying stopped. I've read that moments like these are good for dealing with your grief (letting some "steam out of the pressure valve."). Who knows how the mind works?? Anyway, Kay---------we've all benefited from your many years of experience in dealing with this. I wish that none of us had to be members of this board.

[Griefsucks810]

13 minutes ago, RichS said:

After almost 17 months, I think I'm headed down the same path. For now, I'm stuck moving forward. Last night I read some articles on "stuck moving forward." I could relate to a some of the symptoms. While doing that, I had a good cry for myself. Then awhile later, the crying stopped. I've read that moments like these are good for dealing with your grief (letting some "steam out of the pressure valve."). Who knows how the mind works?? Anyway, Kay---------we've all benefited from your many years of experience in dealing with this. I wish that none of us had to be members of this board.

I’m still remain stuck after 4 years since losing my husband as to how to move forward and create a new life for myself. Any suggestions would be helpful 

[KayC]

I wrote this after ten years of being on grief sites, not only what I went through but others also.

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs)))  Praying for you today.

 

[RichS]

Ross and I just ran into an old friend who's a therapist (yes, we've had visits with her over the years). I was nice to see her and tell her about how we're doing. She was just thinking about Chris earlier today. We had a nice chat, which was good for my beanbag. I kidded her that if it lasted any longer than that, we'd have another bill in the mail!

[KayC]

I had to pick Iris up in the city (100+ mile round trip) yesterday, had already gotten groceries Saturday, so solely for her...of course she asked me to pick up groceries for her, so another trip across town, paid for groceries and gas, no reimbursement, but she did invite me to dinner last night.

[KayC]

They're predicting a lot of snow Saturday on for ten days...I got my snowblower out and hooked it up. Tomorrow will get the car on the top of the driveway.  Have garbage out, will have more before it's picked up.  Looks like I won't make my haircut Tuesday.

[RichS]

Today I got a call from my friend (the grief counselor) who said he'll be visiting us for a couple of days in February. I've known him for over 45 years. He's also a widower; and if it weren't for him I would have probably remained single. Thankfully, he steered me in the right direction then and he's still doing it today..........................I'm fortunate to have a friend like him in my life. It helps to take a little of the sting out of this grief journey of mine..................

[Griefsucks810]

On 1/2/2024 at 10:36 AM, Griefsucks810 said:

I’m still remain stuck after 4 years since losing my husband as to how to move forward and create a new life for myself. Any suggestions would be helpful 

I also remain stuck after 4 years since my husband died as to how to move forward and creating a new life for myself.  Suggestions are to get into a daily routine like waking up the same time every day and going to bed the same time every night, not to isolate yourself from family and friends and instead regularly communicate with friends and family; go to church, volunteering and start a hobby. All of this easier said then done. We can’t continue to live in a state of misery and feeling hopeless day in and day out.  Don’t give up