Members jen1080 Posted May 2, 2012 Members Report Share Posted May 2, 2012 It's been almost 2 years now since my Mother passed and I still can't seem to smile and truly feel like I mean it. I miss her so much! There is a hole in my heart that will never be mended. My Father is still alive but things past and present have altered my relationship with him so I have a sense of being all alone since my Mother is gone. I had a very dysfunctional upbringing...so it makes for a lot of emotional issues. I don't make friends easily so I have maybe 2 people that I feel I can count on in my life. I'm getting off topic a little bit here, sorry...but I've been living in Florida for the past 10 years and my parents were together from the time I was born in 1980 up until around 2003 when my Dad had enough and sent my Mother back to Texas on a bus to live with her sister. I stayed back in Florida with my Dad. I have so much guilt for that reason. Cuz I know if I had stayed living with my Mother her health wouldn't have gotten as bad as it did and she would most likely be alive today. I only got to see her a couple of times in the 7 years before her death....even thought we talked on the phone all the time. It wasn't cheap to fly to Texas making my meager salary. I also beat myself up about that as well. I didn't see her as much as I should have. It's all just so tough to deal with...I don't know how to be happy since she is gone. This is the first time I've dealt with losing someone I was so close to. I feel like I shouldn't be happy...like if I smile too much it's me forgetting that she is gone. But I know she would want me to be happy. I just have such a hard time letting go of the loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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