Feeling Sad & Attacked

[BeFuddled]

Hi, A long long time ago I turned to a online forum for help through a difficult time & it made a huge difference in my life.. Now 12 years later I find myself in need of support of an entirely different kind.

I have visited the local hospice counselor, however I just didn't quite connect. Although she had many good points.

Long story as short as possible. I lost my mother in law on March 5th 2012 due to complications from Bone Cancer, kidney failure and amyloidosis. It was a horriffic process & I truly mean that. I lost my father to complications from cancer in 2000 .. while he became a shell of whom he had been .. This was entirely different. This was like something out of a horror movie on some levels and the visions in your mind haunt you in themselves.

I am dealing with and processing a lot of issues right now.. a few of the most pertinent ones that I am hoping someone/anyone can relate to..

Is one guilt on mannnnnnnnnnnnnny levels. We/I was trying to plan a wedding in the midst of her passing & we were married on the 17th. Been together for 6 1/2 years. Kind of hard to be happy about a wedding when someone is dying .. and in the end there were many times I could not stand to be around her because her condition was so horrific, that it made me physically ill..

Another issue is all the surrounding family drama.. far too much to type. It would have been nice if my Mil had wrote her wishes out, had an attorney sign them .. since she new that she had a terminal diagnosis for years. However she did not, so everyone was left to pick up the pieces. in my case, I have had to handle everything from planning a funeral at the same time as my wedding because my husband could not do it, to corresponding with the family now over issues with his younger sister.

The other main issue which many think is trivial is all of my Mil's accounts. from facebook to email. her daughter has been using them. & her daughter is NOT a nice person. (To give you an example of her behavior and personality .. before her mother died she was summoned to the hospital. She ended up making a comment that she F**ing wasted $30 on a taxi and her mother didn't even die)

Point being for me are many issues. However when you are grieving, it sure does suck to log into your fb account and see a request from your deceased Mil because someone is using her account. Then to be blocked from her account & her son, after the page became a memorial for her.. There are many other issues..

But I guess there really is no where to vent. People get irritated on fb and say get over it. Other people understand yet they do not have to bear the burden of any of it. So who do you talk to?

Thats why I came here .. hoping someone can relate.

[ModKonnie]

Hi, A long long time ago I turned to a online forum for help through a difficult time & it made a huge difference in my life.. Now 12 years later I find myself in need of support of an entirely different kind.

I have visited the local hospice counselor, however I just didn't quite connect. Although she had many good points.

Long story as short as possible. I lost my mother in law on March 5th 2012 due to complications from Bone Cancer, kidney failure and amyloidosis. It was a horriffic process & I truly mean that. I lost my father to complications from cancer in 2000 .. while he became a shell of whom he had been .. This was entirely different. This was like something out of a horror movie on some levels and the visions in your mind haunt you in themselves.

I am dealing with and processing a lot of issues right now.. a few of the most pertinent ones that I am hoping someone/anyone can relate to..

Is one guilt on mannnnnnnnnnnnnny levels. We/I was trying to plan a wedding in the midst of her passing & we were married on the 17th. Been together for 6 1/2 years. Kind of hard to be happy about a wedding when someone is dying .. and in the end there were many times I could not stand to be around her because her condition was so horrific, that it made me physically ill..

Another issue is all the surrounding family drama.. far too much to type. It would have been nice if my Mil had wrote her wishes out, had an attorney sign them .. since she new that she had a terminal diagnosis for years. However she did not, so everyone was left to pick up the pieces. in my case, I have had to handle everything from planning a funeral at the same time as my wedding because my husband could not do it, to corresponding with the family now over issues with his younger sister.

The other main issue which many think is trivial is all of my Mil's accounts. from facebook to email. her daughter has been using them. & her daughter is NOT a nice person. (To give you an example of her behavior and personality .. before her mother died she was summoned to the hospital. She ended up making a comment that she F**ing wasted $30 on a taxi and her mother didn't even die)

Point being for me are many issues. However when you are grieving, it sure does suck to log into your fb account and see a request from your deceased Mil because someone is using her account. Then to be blocked from her account & her son, after the page became a memorial for her.. There are many other issues..

But I guess there really is no where to vent. People get irritated on fb and say get over it. Other people understand yet they do not have to bear the burden of any of it. So who do you talk to?

Thats why I came here .. hoping someone can relate.

Befuddled,

I took care of my mother-in-law when she died of breast cancer. She made no plans, refused to believe she was ill and left a mess to unsort afterwards. During the whole thing, my father became ill, our business crashed because of the economy and I could go on and on about the family drama in the meantime.

The facebook issue is common, I've heard.

You vent to strangers or to people who are willing to listen, such as close friends. Vent it out, and you should feel better.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie