Members WalpoleWife Posted April 15, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 15, 2012 Hi all, I'm new here but searched for a forum specifically to talk about an incident that happened to me yesterday (14th April) that is playing on my mind.I have been living in my home for 4 years. My next door neighbour moved in 1 year after me so we have been neighbours and friends ever since.She was the sweetest lady ever. Always stopped to say hello. Always polite. She had her issues though, she was an alcoholic.Somedays she could barely stand up let alone speak, yet still she was always polite. Her name was Cheryl. She had a lot of friends yet always seemed lonely. She was full of anxiety and needed constant reassurance. Even to the point where she would knock my door in the small hours of the morning to tell me that she had decorated her house. Yes, it was a pain but as I am agoraphobic, suffer with panic attacks, anxiety and depression. I have also been diagnosed with PTS. I kind of understood her so never made an issue of it. I am the same as she was, only I'm not an alcoholic.Anyway, yesterday morning around 11am I had a knock on the door from the police just to ask for a key to a gate. I didn't have the key he needed so suggested he knock on Cheryl's door as I knew she had one. His words to me were 'She's lost it' - Lost the key? that's what I originally thought until the events of this afternoon happened. My husband popped out to the shop and came back in a right mess. Cheryl had hung herself off our shared fence. She was dead, her toes were black.The image haunts me. I know it's all fresh and new and that in time the images will probably fade but I'm finding it so difficult right now. I saw her alive only an hour before. She smiled at me. That smile keeps getting replayed in my head.I can't settle, I can't sleep. I just feel lost. It wasn't even me who found her. I feel like I should be supporting my husband more but because of my anxiety/panic I'm finding it difficult to control my own emotions yet alone help with his and I feel selfish.In my life I have experienced so much loss and pain that I don't think I can handle this too. I just don't know where to turn. I can't look out of my window without seeing her. :'( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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