My next door neighbour

[WalpoleWife]

Hi all,

I'm new here but searched for a forum specifically to talk about an incident that happened to me yesterday (14th April) that is playing on my mind.

I have been living in my home for 4 years. My next door neighbour moved in 1 year after me so we have been neighbours and friends ever since.

She was the sweetest lady ever. Always stopped to say hello. Always polite. She had her issues though, she was an alcoholic.

Somedays she could barely stand up let alone speak, yet still she was always polite. Her name was Cheryl. She had a lot of friends yet always seemed lonely. She was full of anxiety and needed constant reassurance. Even to the point where she would knock my door in the small hours of the morning to tell me that she had decorated her house. Yes, it was a pain but as I am agoraphobic, suffer with panic attacks, anxiety and depression. I have also been diagnosed with PTS. I kind of understood her so never made an issue of it. I am the same as she was, only I'm not an alcoholic.

Anyway, yesterday morning around 11am I had a knock on the door from the police just to ask for a key to a gate. I didn't have the key he needed so suggested he knock on Cheryl's door as I knew she had one. His words to me were 'She's lost it' - Lost the key? that's what I originally thought until the events of this afternoon happened.

My husband popped out to the shop and came back in a right mess. Cheryl had hung herself off our shared fence. She was dead, her toes were black.

The image haunts me. I know it's all fresh and new and that in time the images will probably fade but I'm finding it so difficult right now. I saw her alive only an hour before. She smiled at me. That smile keeps getting replayed in my head.

I can't settle, I can't sleep. I just feel lost. It wasn't even me who found her.

I feel like I should be supporting my husband more but because of my anxiety/panic I'm finding it difficult to control my own emotions yet alone help with his and I feel selfish.

In my life I have experienced so much loss and pain that I don't think I can handle this too.

I just don't know where to turn. I can't look out of my window without seeing her. :'(

[ModKonnie]

WalpoleWife,

I am so sorry you've had to experience such trauma. At this point, although I am certainly no expert, I'd say you may be still in shock over the whole situation. I know that I'd be traumatized and horrified for sure if I had been invovled in this experience, too.

Unfortunately, mental illness causes people to do things they wouldn't normally do. There was no way you could have prevented this or predicted it. The smile will be hard to erase, but in time all the horrible images will fade. It's not every day that people experience such a shock. Perhaps you might want to talk to a professional about your experience and she/he will be able to give you some guidance on moving forward from it.

I know that usually, talking about it helps. I'm sure your husband is lost in his own shock too. It will take some time for the both of you to process this nightmare, but if you keep talking about it, it should help.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

[daisymoon]

Hi I hope you don't mind me writing not even sure of what I want to say but I'm kind of going through the same thing as my friend did the same thing and like yourself I was not the one who found him but I just see the image over and over when I shut my eyes i'm struggling to sleep and its just not going away Xx