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Death took my Brother and I cant bring him back


hcastro

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I wish I could bring you back my beloved brother. If I could, I would fight death itself to free you from its ugly clutches and bring you back to our beloved Mother.

It has been 30 days since the last time I heard your voice, my kid brother I cannot kiss your forehead anymore and tell you that I love you. All that is left is pain and the misery of waking of every morning to the ugly reality of not having you in our lives.

I always thought you would bury me, I am exhausted and unable to move on. I am angry but not aure who to, I just feel like going to sleep forever and meet you again.

I love you brother.

H

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HCMissingpiece,

I am so sorry about the loss of your brother. I remember when my brother died from an automobile accident. The horror of the situation stayed with me for a long time. It was difficult to move forward, but we did, a little at a time. Just feel free to cry, rage, rant, or whatever you are feeling. Can you sleep at all? What about eat? Try not to rely on caffeine too much, because that makes things worse. A good way to help yourself and your family is to make sure you are all eating healthy and getting some rest.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

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Hi H,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother. My youngest brother, who was 29 at the time, died in an Air Force plane crash. It has been 22 years since his death and although I still think of him daily and miss him dearly, the pain does ease. It's not easy and it doesn't come quickly, but you do get there. I remember the shock and horror of his death so vividly and the affect it had on our family. Reach out to those around you, talk about your brother, cry. I remember standing in the shower crying one morning before work a few weeks after my brother's death, wondering if there would ever be a day without tears. It seemed impossible then, but one day you wake up and realize that you are still grieving and in pain, but the pain has softened a little. I will never forget my brother and I sometimes feel cheated that we had so little time with him, but in time you will start to remember him without the tears and you'll begin to smile at the memories of him, rather than just cry. Hang in there. You will get there.

Take care,

DianeS

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Thank you both for your replies. Today I went to see a grief counselor. Pain still vivid I can't even mention his name without tears. Hard to even speak off my beloved brother. I too feel cheated in some ways. :-(

In some weird way, I wish the pain would never ceased because in some form this pain I feel keeps his memory fresh in my heart and mind, but at the same time, I am exhausted.

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I'm glad to hear that you decided to go to a grief counselor. A few weeks after my brother's death I started attending a grief support group and it helped a lot. Like you, the first time I tried to speak, all I could say was that my brother had died and then I had to choke that out. As hard as it is to talk about your brother right now, it gets a little easier each time. I also remember thinking that although I wanted to intense pain to end, it would mean I was forgetting my brother. That couldn't have been farther from the truth. What happens instead, is that when the pain starts to ease a little, you are able to think more clearly and can remember some of the good things, rather than just his death. Grief has a way of sabbotaging you though. You think you're making good progress and then WHAM!, out of the blue something slams you back to square one. At least it feels like square one. It's actually not though. It's more like two steps forward, one back. You're still making progress, but sometimes you have to go backwards a bit before you can move forward. The important thing is to keep moving ahead and allow yourself to feel the emotions and pain, even though at times you just don't think you can do it. One thing that was an eye-opener for me when I attended the grief support group was that there were several people there who had lost a loved one 10 years ago and they were just then starting to deal with the grief. It was a good lesson to me...you can deal with it now, or you can deal with it later. It doesn't just go away. It is work. Not fun, but necessary. Hang in there. DianeS

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HCMissingpiece,

I feel the same as you are when my little brother died right after my mother delivered. We we're so depressed most especially my mother, but still life must go on. I wanted to share with you a new application that I'm using to create a memory book for my little brother who recently passed away. It's called Evertalk and it's a Facebook application. I found it to be very easy to use it. https://www.everta.lk

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josephtmacgregor

I'm glad to hear that you decided to go to a grief counselor. A few weeks after my brother's death I started attending a grief support group and it helped a lot. Like you, the first time I tried to speak, all I could say was that my brother had died and then I had to choke that out. As hard as it is to talk about your brother right now, it gets a little easier each time. I also remember thinking that although I wanted to intense pain to end, it would mean I was forgetting my brother. That couldn't have been farther from the truth. What happens instead, is that when the pain starts to ease a little, you are able to think more clearly and can remember some of the good things, rather than just his death. Grief has a way of sabbotaging you though. You think you're making good progress and then WHAM!, out of the blue something slams you back to square one. At least it feels like square one. It's actually not though. It's more like two steps forward, one back. You're still making progress, but sometimes you have to go backwards a bit before you can move forward. The important thing is to keep moving ahead and allow yourself to feel the emotions and pain, even though at times you just don't think you can do it. One thing that was an eye-opener for me when I attended the grief support group was that there were several people there who had lost a loved one 10 years ago and they were just then starting to deal with the grief. It was a good lesson to me...you can deal with it now, or you can deal with it later. It doesn't just go away. It is work. Not fun, but necessary. Hang in there. DianeS

Dear HCMissingPiece,

I wish there was something I could say to bring you some comfort, but I know the pain that comes with losing a sibling, so all I can say is how truly sorry I am for your loss, and that I also unfortunately know that pain. I, too, lost my kid brother. we were a very close family. You wrote, "It has been 30 days since the last time I heard your voice, my kid brother I cannot kiss your forehead anymore and tell you that I love you. All that is left is pain and the misery of waking of every morning to the ugly reality of not having you in our lives. I always thought you would bury me, I am exhausted and unable to move on." I feel like, 30 days after my brother died, I could have been the one who wrote this. I always thought he would bury me too. Not a day goes by that I don't think about how he was cheated out of what should have been the prime of his life. I still am at the point in grieving where I have trouble thinking about much other than his illness and death now. I also feel sometimes like if my pain and depression ease up, I'm somehow letting down the memory of my brother. I know that isn't the case, but when you're at that spot, that pain itself almost becomes a crutch, I think, and it's hard to see past that. I quoted DianeS because she is absolutely right about grief. "You can deal with it now, or you can deal with it later. It doesn't just go away. It is work. Not fun, but necessary." I am one of those people who has lost a loved one years ago...not 10 years ago, but it has been 6 years, and I can tell that sometimes that is unsettling to people in itself. My brother died 6 years ago...shouldn't I be fine by now? I will never be "fine," and I guess that's not really expected, but I made the decision (a bad one, in my opinion now) to occupy myself so much with other things in life, that I had no time or energy to think about my brother. I figured that by doing that I could avoid dealing with the reality of his loss and spare myself the pain. Now that I have a lot of time on my hands, finally it is all catching up to me. But I have started counseling and it has already helped tremendously. It is really a good thing that you are seeing a grief counselor. In the long run it will pay off, even if right now you feel like you are hurting so much that it is impossible to make progress. Like DianeS said, grieving seems to follow the "2 steps forward, 1 step back" model.

Anyway, I just wanted to share my experience with you a bit and let you know again that I am so sorry for your loss. It is a horrible pain, to lose a sibling, and the dynamic between an older and younger sibling is special. Take comfort in knowing that "there is no normal" when it comes to "how" to grieve. Take care and hang in there,

Joe

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