Members maria42 Posted April 12, 2012 Members Report Share Posted April 12, 2012 Hello everyone, I have posted here almost two months ago, a few weeks after I suddenly lost my dad of a heart attack. Back then I was in a state of shock and found it hard to comprehend he was really gone and to feel anything else other than worrying about other members of the family. I now feel a deeper sadness and I cry more - it seems to me it will take a long time to overcome the shock and come to terms with the loss. It's hard but some days are better and lighter than others. Dad died at a time of my life when everything else in my life is about to change (end of graduate studies, change of jobs, place of residence etc) - and I guess these changes makes me feel even more unstable and are sometimes overwhelming under the current circumstances. I started seeing a grief counsellor last week, hopefully this will help a bit too. What I am writing about is my relationship with other people, particularly my friends. I find this very hard and I often wonder whether I will end up on my own without anyone. I find it difficult to hear friends talking about their own problems and many times I wish I could be left alone. I talk to them, I act as if nothing is wrong but I can't help thinking I find many of their concerns trivial or that they are slightly self-absorbed at times. I don't want to talk about my dad or anything like that, it's just that I feel i have a completely different life perspective now and I wonder whether my relationships with others will ever be the same. I know some of them are trying to help and we have been very close during previous years, and I don't want to sound ungrateful (I actually feel bad about these feelings), but it's as if a huge gap exists now. I am not referring to those that act like they are friends in the first days and weeks and then dissappear - this happened too but this is always expected from some, I suppose. My boyfriend, with whom I got together only a few months before dad died has been really great to me, and I didn't expect that given that this really is a new relationship. He has also lost his mum and I think this makes a big difference, he can really understand many of the things I fee. Sometimes I even worry of becoming clingy or too needy with him and ruining this new relationship, a result of the fact that I feel uncomfortable with my friends and rely more on his support, so I consciously stop myself from asking any help or company some days. I spend a lot of time on my own, withdrawing, unable to connect with friends, taking more and more distance, wondering whether this will ever change. I do not feel depressed (I have been depressed in the past and know the difference), I just feel exhausted by the mere thought of spending time with others and feeling uncomfortable, so I stay at home doing my own thing. Sorry for the long post. I am not even sure I can accurately describe what I mean. If anyone could let me know how they felt and handled their relationships with friends after a loss that would be really helpful.All best wishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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