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How long will it hurt so bad


ajthompson77

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ajthompson77

It has been almost 6 weeks since my 4 year old son was taken to heaven after a terrible battle with leukemia. I know it's still early yet and I shouldn't expect any sort of healing for us so soon. But I want to know, how long does it often take before each day doesn't totally suck? How long until you aren't crying all the time, and I mean the horrible wailing kind of crying. How long until you finally have a good day, instead of all the days being really, really crappy? I've asked this of several people now and the only answer I ever get is, "everyone's different" or "it's still so new for you, just go moment by moment". Yes, I understand all that. But can't someone give me some sort of an idea? Just tell me how it was for you. At this point, I can't imagine ever being happy again.

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Jennifer, I only have a moment right now, but I wanted to answer you. The way you feel is typical of all of us. In the beginning you cannot imagine enjoying life again. Some, or possibly many, I discovered on this site, go through a death wish where we just want to die and be with our child because the pain is so great. It has been 4 years for me and I can assure you that life will bloom again. You are recovering from the most terrible shock and pain a parent can know. You loved your child deeply and it is going to take quite some time to feel like yourself again. For me, and I have found also reading on this site that others too, the first year is a fog. I continued to move forward and go through the motions and it was a surreal existence. I was in my body talking and interacting with others, yet the pain and the shock left me in a numbed state on the inside. Many people think we should move on after about 3 months. That does not happen of course, and we comfort each other on this site. We listen and we care. When you click on "loss of child," there is another thread titled "loss of adult child." click on that and then in the top right hit reply and you can post on that thread. Everyone pretty much posts there and the age of the child does not matter, as all are welcome. If you read on that thread, you will see many, many others who know your pain. Please come back as often as you like. We care and we will listen.LOVE,MADDY

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Hi Jennifer. I'm so sorry for your terrible loss. My 5-year old daughter, Charlotte, drowned in a swimming pool 9 months ago. The first few months were terrible. I would never be able to live through them again. I suppose it was about 3 months before I could get through the days without having the awful realization that my baby was gone thrown back in my mind every 10 seconds and saying "No! That can't be true, my Charlotte? My Char dead? No!!" . But I can't offer much hope that it will be some semblance of "okay" until around 6-9 months. I just got to the point where I'm starting to have happy memories that actually make me feel happy instead of tortured. I do have two other children that I have to care for, including my son who's now 14 months old so they keep me going. I even am able to smile and laugh and forget for just a moment when my baby is doing something funny or cute. it's just a long road, no matter what. It's a journey none of us ever wants to take, but here we are. I wish there was something I could say that would take it away from you (or heck, me for that matter!) but I've realized that the grief is something we all have to take head on and nobody can do it for us. We have to feel every painful moment in order to find some healing. I wish you the best and know you're not alone on this terrible journey. We've found help through our local Compssionate Friends group so you might want to look them up online.

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Jennifer - I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my 29 year old daughter to leukemia and to watch

such a young child go through what Sarah went through, well the thought of it breaks my heart.

Regardless of age, losing your child is the hardest thing to happen to a parent. I know you want

an answer to "how long" you will go through this...well there isn't an answer. Sarah's gone nearly

two years and I can say I'm functioning...going to work, awaiting the birth of our first grandchild

(Our younger daughter is expecting any day now), even going out with friends occasionally, but

Sarah is never out of my mind. The grief becomes part of your day, not so terribly debilitating after

a while, but still there. This is not to discourage you but to let you know that we must find a place

in our lives for it because it will always be there. You are so very early in your journey and it will

take time to soften, but it will. My prayers to you Jennifer.

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My heart just breaks for you when I read about you loosing your son who was only 4 years old. I cannot imagin the pain you are in. I just lost my son in Jan. but he was 32. So I know the gut wrenching crying and pain that you are talking about. I can only tell you three months into it that I am not doing the gut wrenching cries everyday now. But there is not a minute or a second of the day that I do not talk to my son. I started a Robert journal after he died where I say whatever I want to him in it. It has helped me some. But I must tell you that it is still raw as hell for you and it will take time. I know that they told me that to not expect much the first year after my mom died. That you go thru so many changes and feelings the first year. SO I guess it would be more with a child that you lost. I spoke to my Aunt after I lost my son and she had lost two sons over 20 years ago and she said you never get over it but time does heal and make it less painful. But she told me that she still would smell something or think of something it will make her think of her sons and cry still but not the gut wrenching cries that she did at first. So I hope that helps you some. But like everyone says everyone is different and grieves differently because each person's child is different then each of ours and that is what makes each individual different. You need to take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve however you need to and for as long as you want. Also think of something that you can do to honor your son's life. That has helps me some. I am praying for you.

It has been almost 6 weeks since my 4 year old son was taken to heaven after a terrible battle with leukemia. I know it's still early yet and I shouldn't expect any sort of healing for us so soon. But I want to know, how long does it often take before each day doesn't totally suck? How long until you aren't crying all the time, and I mean the horrible wailing kind of crying. How long until you finally have a good day, instead of all the days being really, really crappy? I've asked this of several people now and the only answer I ever get is, "everyone's different" or "it's still so new for you, just go moment by moment". Yes, I understand all that. But can't someone give me some sort of an idea? Just tell me how it was for you. At this point, I can't imagine ever being happy again.

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