I'm new at this

[sueblue]

I lost my other half nearly 6 months ago and I just dont seem to be making any progress. He was alot older than me and always warned me it might happen that I would left on my own. I packed up work early to spend more time with him and four months later he was gone after a short illness. I am fairly practical and can manage most things but I hate the lonliness and feel as if I am just pretending to live. I have taken on some voluntary work but just feel I am swimming against a huge tide. I have no children or family nearby but do have some good friends .

We were extremely close and spent most of our 'downtime' together . We just liked the same things. He used to say 'As God made us, he matched us'. I feel I cant face the unending years ahead of me without him . I also thought that somehow we would still be able to talk to each other. I do have faith and believe there is 'something' after life but it is SO hard that I dont I seem to get any sign from him. I did go to counselling for a while as giving up work, losing him and adapting to living on my own proved overwhelming. It did help to talk to a total stranger at first but then I found I was just going over old stuff and upsetting myself even more. I do try and keep fit and go to a reflexologist on a regular basis. My other half has a twin sister and she is now very ill. I seem to spend my life thinking about illness and death and sadly , going to funerals. I seem to have become super sensitive and if anyone makes a passing remark I take it so personally and process it over and over in my mind.

Well, thats enough for now, I know it is going to take time and things will never be the same but can anyone out there give me any coping strategies ? I feel like getting under the duvet and hibernating permanently at the moment.

Thanks for any help/advice .

Sue

[ModKonnie]

Sue,

I am so sorry about your loss. You are doing a good job in staying busy and talking to others. Instead of dwelling on long term, can you try to focus on the here and now and just try to look ahead a few days at a time? The prospect of forever or even thinking about ten years down the road is hard under normal circumstances for many people, but to concentrate on longterm during grieving is unbearable for others. Do you like to read? Have you tried reading any literature on grieving? Developing a new "normal" or learning to be comfortable without your loved one takes time. At some point, this will get easier. In the meantime, that is what we can help with--we will be here for you. You are not alone. We care.

ModKonnie

[sueblue]

Thank you for your message. Yes, I am reading as much as possible and have found it to be a great help. One particular book gives you a reflection for every day and they are very pertinent. It is by Martha Hickman. I am sure we all find the same things - some days you feel you can cope - others - forget about it. I just feel such a failure sometimes, he always praised me and 'was on my side' - that is such a huge thing to lose.

Sue